Subby & my Man
 

My man and I are at the tip of the iceberg (relationship is dying) When I 1st met my man we were together 30 days before he told me he was addicted to Oxy. He has always been full on and I was warned he had "mild skitzophrenia" and it did not click for me that is was drugs. The only reason he got off the Oxy (not because of me) but because his brother told him where to get a different "hit" so he started subby with the chemist. He's been on it for 2 years now and doesn't plan on getting off anytime soon because he doesnt feel like being "sick". He's been on the lowest dose possible too and pretends to taper when I ask about it. He lies, he's bad with money, he steals, he makes poor choices, goes soft during sex, he wont look me in the eyes most of the time and my whole family are noticing it. I feel like a fool and I dont see why I should support someone like that. If I wanted to be involved in this junk I would be shooting up myself. I've seen so much already and i'm only 22!
Do I leave him and let him fend for himself with his withdrawals and low cash or do I suck it up, pretend to be supportive, keep handing him my money (even though he has thousands of dollars from a law suit) and let my depression get worse again because I think about dying everyday to get away from it/him and my family?

I vote for option one and I think from your post, you do, too.

You're 22. Your life is waiting...go get it!

Hi and welcome :)

Doesn't sound like there's much in this relationship for you right now.

What would you advise a friend to do in this situation? thats often a way of getting to decision.

D

I would leave. You deserve better.

I would advise my friend to sit him down and explain things from their point of view... or just tell them to punch him in the head. I do love him so much and its good when its good I've sat him down numerous times and sometimes there a change. He just came into my work in front of all the people I work with hyped-up. I'm at a loss too because we go on an overseas holiday next week and we've both waited so so long for it. When I try to leave him he tells me that I am just over stressed for this holiday but he just wont see my bigger picture. He had such a future :/

I feel as though the subby is all that is between us because he only lies, makes excuses, wont look me in the eyes ect when he's on a high from it. When he is "normal/controlling it" He is such a gentle, funny, awesome person. I feel like he has two personalities 1 is my man who wants to look after me and makes sure I'm happy and appreciates all I do and how much i make him happy and the 2nd one has pin-point pupils and constantly talks too fast, has random outbursts of yelling and scratches at his red skin, whistles and sings rude songs about what he wants to do to me (no point he goes soft) and drives dangerously. He constantly looks like he needs sleep. I'd love to just know how to separate the two. Anyone else recognize this is other subby users???

Excuse the insult but, is there an ex-junkie out there who could tell me from their point of view what they would want their sober partner to do in this situation. Walking away from unresolved things/people leaves me even more hurt for not trying harder.
Dont get me wrong either I am a level headed, whole hearted person but am I a hypocrite? I'm no saint because I smoke p*t but at least my drug makes me laugh and giggle and eat a bit more than usual and do more stuff in sex than i usually would...

Hey Frank,

I think you should post this in the "Friends and Family" section where the people in your position usually hang out. I can tell you that 25 of them will all tell you to get the hell out of that relationship just as fast as you can. I would tell you the same thing. In fact, I think you already know that. Good luck.

In the end it's your choice.

I'm not that old I don't remember how it is to be young and in love.

I am old enough tho to know it needs give and take from both parties to make a relationship last.

If you're the one making all the concessions, you really need to think about that.

What if this guys behaviour doesn't change?
What if it's not the drug/s?

You're very young to making a lifetime commitment to someone who, from what you've written, doesn't seem to be doing you any favours.

D

It IS resolved. You get both the guy and the addict and over time, you will get the addict more and more. Addiction is one jealous mistress and she will want more and more of him.

There is nothing you can do to fix this. It all has to be on him and it doesn't sound as if he has any intention of changing anything.

So you can't fix him...but you can fix you. He is what he is. Now. What do you want to do with you and your life?

I am currently tapering on the suboxone program and can tell you that there may be something else causing the drastic mood changes he is experiencing. As someone who is currently on subs: get out of that relationship. When individuals are in the act of addiction, other people are vehicles and sources of money. I am sure that if he was sober his behavior would be different, but it is not healthy to be in a relationship with an addict. Period.

It's a tough decision to make. But if he doesn't want to change, he's probably not going to. I would suggest to walk away. If not your going to just get hurt over and over and over again.