Bst5881

This is my first post and it's hard to believe I'm even doing this but I feel desperate. My husband got addicted to pain pills last year. We were fighting a lot and I knew something was up but couldn't figure out what, even though I would find pills and baggies around the house. I was always searching through his stuff bc I just knew something was wrong. His whole personality changed. I eventually found a prescription to suboxone and figured it all out. He denied it for a minute then finally admitted. He took the suboxone for about 6 months and things were so much better. I had my husband back. He slowly weaned off with his dr help and definitely had a very tough few weeks of withdraw when he finally went off it. After that everything started to change again. His moods. He was tired a lot. No interest in anything. We were fighting again after not fighting for so long. I started to become suspicious and looking through his things. Found a bag of pills no clue what even after looking it up and asking pharmacist. Then found a bag of adderall. Then he did coke one night at a party but basically denied it. Then I found a bag of Coke which I assumed was leftover from the party on his jacket. We were definitely fighting a lot again. I told him I was concerned he was using again. He adamnetly denies looking me dead in the eye and it's very believable. He has not been around much and we have two young boys that he lives for. He's started losing weight. He basically moved out on New Year's Eve and says he is staying with his parents but I don't believe it. Came home to spend the next Saturday night with the kids and I left. When I came home the next day I asked if he wanted to come home and he said no. We fought. He left. I found another bag of Coke in another jacket. He is denying using completely even though I've told him all I have found. It's like I know what I'm seeing but he is very good at making me doubt myself, and frankly I am. How long will an addict completely deny using? He just keeps saying he is tired of us fighting and cannot believe I think he is using again when he says he hasn't taken anything. I have to worry about my kids especially now that I found a bag of Coke in his pocket for the second time after he was home alone with them but he tells me it crushes him that I would imply he would ever do anything to hurt him. I am so angry at himnfor walking out. So sad and desperate. I don't know what to do. I stared seeing an addiction therapist myself. I also called a dear friend of mine who is himself a recovering addict and knows my husband. Everyone tells me the signs are there. WHY AM I STILL DOUBTING IT?????

Maudcat

Trust your gut. Recovery looks like recovery and using looks like using. Seems kinda typical that he is blaming you for his move out, when basically he is just looking for room to use, imo.
Stand your ground. You have to keep yourself and your children safe. He is messing with some serious drugs.
I would also check the credit cards and bank accounts for activity, and cut off his access asap if that is possible. Good luck.

Sunshine1234

Like Maudcat said, trust your gut. I had things staring at me straight in the face for years and still made up excuses for my ex. When I finally got away years later all the puzzle pieces starting to get put together. My husband claims he was addicted only when to Suboxone for years...however I found other drugs that he was taking. Not to mention the highs and lows and weight gain and loss. It's like every time I turned my head he was a different person. You will know when he is clean and it doesn't sound like that is the case. I'm sorry you are going through this. Makes it even harder when kids are involved. Hugs!!

Bst5881

Thank you for the support. It does help. It's so hard with the kids involved. He doesn't even seem too phased that he isn't seeing them which is devastating and my older son is starting to cry for him. The worst part is his parents have pill addictions of their own so him living there is an even more horrible scenario. His mom has no clue about his struggles - his father does but they are a family of secrets and they will protect him from me. I have kept this secret from everyone but I can't anymore. I plan on telling one of his siblings this week (the only family member of his that I think will really hear me out and take it seriously) bc I can't do this alone and if something happened to him without me telling someone I'd never forgive myself. In a matter of like 3 weeks my husband and father of my kids is just gone and I literally have no clue where he ever is or what he's doing. ��

SadSoonToBeEx

Talk to the family member but don't expect much. You seem to be taking appropriate steps but just remember you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. Just work on yourself and the kids...they need age appropriate explainations just as you need help too.

Good luck and be good to yourself.

MarionDavis

Hey wish you all the luck.

Caracadams

I would say he is definitely using. As addicts, we will lie to the bitter end even when there's tons of evidence. I would not allow him in my house bc he doesn't sound safe to care for your children. Keep working on u. See a therapist, talk to friends, do fun things with your kids. Do not blame yourself and don't let him make u feel crazy. You're not!