12 more days until I make the jump off suboxone
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 104
12 more days until I make the jump off suboxone
Hello,
I will give some back ground on my story and tell you guys my plan. Maybe some people have some advise that will help me make the transition easier while detoxing.
Background- 14 years ago I became the bad crowd. I say 'became' because it was my choice and nobody else's fault. I was 20 and I started experimenting in the drug world for the money part of it. I was a top level competitor in a sport I had been involved with for several previous years. I was almost to the level that as a child I would day dream about.. But things went bad and friends started getting in legal trouble. The stress got to me and I started taking Nubain(synthetic injectable opioid agonist-antagonist analgesic). It was easy to get back then. We had a medical company that would sell them by the case to us. I believe they thought we were a company that could legally purchase it.. When that connection fell apart I got sick. In withdrawal a buddy introduced me to OxyContin. It only made sense to crush them and inject them. Bad move there. After doctor shopping I got a script for 100 80mg Oxys a month and so did my gf at the time (100-40s). At my peak I was using a consistent average 8-10 80s a day. Running out of my script in a week I would have to find them on the streets. Some days I would only find 1 or 2 and others as many as I could afford.
After losing a best friend to them, broke and homeless ( by choice- parents wouldn't let me stay there while using.) I finally went to rehab. 30days followed by another 30 in the hospital for a staph infection I got from the tap water I was injecting. I stopped cold turkey and had a horrible detox. I was sick for 30 days followed by another 4-5 months of paws. After the extreme sickness of detox I was very blessed to not have any cravings. Only a higher power could give that gift. During rehab I set several goals. Career and personal goals. I wrote them down and put them in my pocket. Carried them everywhere with me. Over the next 7.5 years I worked obsessively towards my goals. I became very successful in my career and I excelled to the top level in my sport. In my sport I actually achieved the status I day dreamed about when I was young.
During these 7.5 years I had several injuries. I tore a few muscles. I refused pain meds. I grunted it out. I was scared to death of them. I never wanted to feel that bad again and I knew I could lose everything by just taking one prescribed pill. One night I saw a large group of guys beating up two guys pretty badly. I went to break it up and got beat pretty bad. I was stabbed through my ear lobe into my head behind my ear, hit with crow bars and my leg got broken. It was a compound fracture. It required a plate and 10 screws and two surgeries. I refused all narcotics when the ambulance got there. Refused them in the ER. Refused them through surgery and made it about 8 hours after surgery. Finally I had a humbling experience. I was not the man I thought I was and I gave in knowing what would happen. My dr didn't think it would be a problem since I was so aware of the dangers. Long story short I managed to take as prescribed and when I finally jumped off the detox was bad. My body seemed to go right back to where it was the first time. Day 3 detoxing I got a call from my mom that my dad had a stroke. This was not something I was prepared to deal with and I jumped right back on my meds. Knowing he wasn't going to live long I switched to suboxone. I started on 16mgs and have tapered to under 2mgs. April 5th is my last obligation for my job and I plan to detox. Subs have allowed me to maintain my life somewhat. Not at all to the quality that I want. I have no desire for life, no goals, pretty much emotionless other than being depressed. I don't do anything except just enough to maintain my business and not lose everything I've worked so hard to get. God has allowed me to not hit financial rock bottom and since I've been here before I know I'm heading to emotional rock bottom. I have amazing people in my life that would support me through anything. Only because I've experienced this before do I know how great life can be. I can still remember how greatful I was when I achieved each goal I set. I cant see how I'm going to get back there but I do know that it is possible. I feel so much guilt and shame that I am back to this point. I promised myself I was never going to be here again. I can't shake the guilt or the dreams that I am already sick. My life by most standards is great. I have so much to be grateful for. I just need to be clean so I can see it and feel the gratitude I know is there.
So, I've been reading a lot of stories online and I don't see a lot of success stories from long term suboxone use to sobriety. A lot of incomplete stories that I hope this one doesn't become just like them..
I plan to document with the help of my gf day to day what I'm feeling, what helps, what makes it worse. I want to try as many things as I can to make it easier..
So please. If anyone knows of anything that will help with detox and PAWS let me know.. I see the adds for withdrawal ease and the other one that sounds like a opiate but is all natural. But I haven't seen any feedback from people other than the "clinical" test that are trying to promote them.
All the advice and impute is appreciated. I refuse to allow myself to lose everything and I have been putting this off for too long. A 2.5 year stand still was not part of the plan. I did what all addicts do. I put it off with the fear that things would pass me by, that I would miss something, or make the excuse I don't have time to be sick because of my work. When the reality is life is passing me by and my relationships are suffering and my work has been half assed.
Thanks again for any advise and sorry for the loooong post
I will give some back ground on my story and tell you guys my plan. Maybe some people have some advise that will help me make the transition easier while detoxing.
Background- 14 years ago I became the bad crowd. I say 'became' because it was my choice and nobody else's fault. I was 20 and I started experimenting in the drug world for the money part of it. I was a top level competitor in a sport I had been involved with for several previous years. I was almost to the level that as a child I would day dream about.. But things went bad and friends started getting in legal trouble. The stress got to me and I started taking Nubain(synthetic injectable opioid agonist-antagonist analgesic). It was easy to get back then. We had a medical company that would sell them by the case to us. I believe they thought we were a company that could legally purchase it.. When that connection fell apart I got sick. In withdrawal a buddy introduced me to OxyContin. It only made sense to crush them and inject them. Bad move there. After doctor shopping I got a script for 100 80mg Oxys a month and so did my gf at the time (100-40s). At my peak I was using a consistent average 8-10 80s a day. Running out of my script in a week I would have to find them on the streets. Some days I would only find 1 or 2 and others as many as I could afford.
After losing a best friend to them, broke and homeless ( by choice- parents wouldn't let me stay there while using.) I finally went to rehab. 30days followed by another 30 in the hospital for a staph infection I got from the tap water I was injecting. I stopped cold turkey and had a horrible detox. I was sick for 30 days followed by another 4-5 months of paws. After the extreme sickness of detox I was very blessed to not have any cravings. Only a higher power could give that gift. During rehab I set several goals. Career and personal goals. I wrote them down and put them in my pocket. Carried them everywhere with me. Over the next 7.5 years I worked obsessively towards my goals. I became very successful in my career and I excelled to the top level in my sport. In my sport I actually achieved the status I day dreamed about when I was young.
During these 7.5 years I had several injuries. I tore a few muscles. I refused pain meds. I grunted it out. I was scared to death of them. I never wanted to feel that bad again and I knew I could lose everything by just taking one prescribed pill. One night I saw a large group of guys beating up two guys pretty badly. I went to break it up and got beat pretty bad. I was stabbed through my ear lobe into my head behind my ear, hit with crow bars and my leg got broken. It was a compound fracture. It required a plate and 10 screws and two surgeries. I refused all narcotics when the ambulance got there. Refused them in the ER. Refused them through surgery and made it about 8 hours after surgery. Finally I had a humbling experience. I was not the man I thought I was and I gave in knowing what would happen. My dr didn't think it would be a problem since I was so aware of the dangers. Long story short I managed to take as prescribed and when I finally jumped off the detox was bad. My body seemed to go right back to where it was the first time. Day 3 detoxing I got a call from my mom that my dad had a stroke. This was not something I was prepared to deal with and I jumped right back on my meds. Knowing he wasn't going to live long I switched to suboxone. I started on 16mgs and have tapered to under 2mgs. April 5th is my last obligation for my job and I plan to detox. Subs have allowed me to maintain my life somewhat. Not at all to the quality that I want. I have no desire for life, no goals, pretty much emotionless other than being depressed. I don't do anything except just enough to maintain my business and not lose everything I've worked so hard to get. God has allowed me to not hit financial rock bottom and since I've been here before I know I'm heading to emotional rock bottom. I have amazing people in my life that would support me through anything. Only because I've experienced this before do I know how great life can be. I can still remember how greatful I was when I achieved each goal I set. I cant see how I'm going to get back there but I do know that it is possible. I feel so much guilt and shame that I am back to this point. I promised myself I was never going to be here again. I can't shake the guilt or the dreams that I am already sick. My life by most standards is great. I have so much to be grateful for. I just need to be clean so I can see it and feel the gratitude I know is there.
So, I've been reading a lot of stories online and I don't see a lot of success stories from long term suboxone use to sobriety. A lot of incomplete stories that I hope this one doesn't become just like them..
I plan to document with the help of my gf day to day what I'm feeling, what helps, what makes it worse. I want to try as many things as I can to make it easier..
So please. If anyone knows of anything that will help with detox and PAWS let me know.. I see the adds for withdrawal ease and the other one that sounds like a opiate but is all natural. But I haven't seen any feedback from people other than the "clinical" test that are trying to promote them.
All the advice and impute is appreciated. I refuse to allow myself to lose everything and I have been putting this off for too long. A 2.5 year stand still was not part of the plan. I did what all addicts do. I put it off with the fear that things would pass me by, that I would miss something, or make the excuse I don't have time to be sick because of my work. When the reality is life is passing me by and my relationships are suffering and my work has been half assed.
Thanks again for any advise and sorry for the loooong post
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 304
Hello Midwest181
Wishing you the best for continued success. I check S/R for new post every so often. Pain pills to relieve pain comes full circle to give one more pain than one can handle. I'll add my brief story. Got on oxycodones. Could not handle withdrawals. Got into suboxone treatment for approx. a year. 2 mgs day. Worked fine for me. Then began tapering to 1 mg skipping days to .50 mgs, etc. Kept back a stash of vicodins and subs. Then I quit counter balancing with doctors OK. Had no withdrawals at all. Been clean for months now. Best to you.
Wishing you the best for continued success. I check S/R for new post every so often. Pain pills to relieve pain comes full circle to give one more pain than one can handle. I'll add my brief story. Got on oxycodones. Could not handle withdrawals. Got into suboxone treatment for approx. a year. 2 mgs day. Worked fine for me. Then began tapering to 1 mg skipping days to .50 mgs, etc. Kept back a stash of vicodins and subs. Then I quit counter balancing with doctors OK. Had no withdrawals at all. Been clean for months now. Best to you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 304
Hello Midwest181
Wishing you the best for continued success. I check S/R for new post every so often. Pain pills to relieve pain comes full circle to give one more pain than one can handle. I'll add my brief story. Got on oxycodones. Could not handle withdrawals. Got into suboxone treatment for approx. a year. 2 mgs day. Worked fine for me. Then began tapering to 1 mg skipping days to .50 mgs, etc. Kept back a stash of vicodins and subs. Then I quit counter balancing with doctors OK. Had no withdrawals at all. Been clean for months now. Best to you.
Wishing you the best for continued success. I check S/R for new post every so often. Pain pills to relieve pain comes full circle to give one more pain than one can handle. I'll add my brief story. Got on oxycodones. Could not handle withdrawals. Got into suboxone treatment for approx. a year. 2 mgs day. Worked fine for me. Then began tapering to 1 mg skipping days to .50 mgs, etc. Kept back a stash of vicodins and subs. Then I quit counter balancing with doctors OK. Had no withdrawals at all. Been clean for months now. Best to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by Ollie909 
Hello Midwest181
Wishing you the best for continued success. I check S/R for new post every so often. Pain pills to relieve pain comes full circle to give one more pain than one can handle. I'll add my brief story. Got on oxycodones. Could not handle withdrawals. Got into suboxone treatment for approx. a year. 2 mgs day. Worked fine for me. Then began tapering to 1 mg skipping days to .50 mgs, etc. Kept back a stash of vicodins and subs. Then I quit counter balancing with doctors OK. Had no withdrawals at all. Been clean for months now. Best to you.
Wishing you the best for continued success. I check S/R for new post every so often. Pain pills to relieve pain comes full circle to give one more pain than one can handle. I'll add my brief story. Got on oxycodones. Could not handle withdrawals. Got into suboxone treatment for approx. a year. 2 mgs day. Worked fine for me. Then began tapering to 1 mg skipping days to .50 mgs, etc. Kept back a stash of vicodins and subs. Then I quit counter balancing with doctors OK. Had no withdrawals at all. Been clean for months now. Best to you.
I will say that sub treatment is way better than running down drugs every day all day long. But if I was smart I would have toughed out the detox and not switched to subs...
Thanks again for the reply
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