mialicious

@trinity77 - Wow I'm super happy to read you are turning down your dealer! As well as turning down an easy drink... That's big! You've got warrior in your soul. Did you see your doctor yet? Personally, as someone who has done heroin, I needed the maintenance of a prescribed agonist but good maintenance offers a measurable amount of an opioid AND agonist. Allowing you to not be crave, encouraging the switch from your alternate opioid, and allowing you to wean down gently. IMO, most people relapse because it's such a shock to your body and mind. That's why maintenance (suboxone,subutex or methadone) helps. I don't know about vitriol, but if it does block opiate receptors but not provide relief, it's probably closer to narcan. Narcan can save your life and make you sick as hell! There's narcan in suboxone but it has an opiate counterpart.

mialicious

You may have to pick the lesser of the two evils. Heroin or maintenance. Being in and out of rehabs is trying. It's the worst roller coaster. Each time you shock your system by quitting cold turkey then being high because your body has been dying to fix. You will never be able to measure heroin because if it's cutting agents and therefore cannot wean off of it. Sometimes in order to end an addiction as powerful as heroin, switching to something gradual is a must. Then from there you can medically wean and find strength, learn and hope. I was never as brave to cold turkey iV heroin...few are.

trinity77

Thank you, everyone, for your continued support and encouragement!! Here's an update-went to my appointment yesterday and told my Dr how I was doing. He increased my sub dosage to 4mg twice a day. It's working well so far, no more watching the clock for my next dose. I go back in a week. While I was there, I told him I had a sore throat, swollen glands, and a rash on my back. Was worried these were side effects from the subs. Turns out I have strep throat and something going on with my thyroid. Like I need this right now!!! Ugh. So, they did all sorts of bloodwork and an ultrasound of my thyroid. Waiting to hear back on the
results. Makes me wonder if my years of drug/alcohol abuse didn't hurt my thyroid???

As for telling people that I no longer drink/drug, I am simply telling them that I have some medical issues that I am dealing with right now, my meds counteract with alcohol, and I am afraid to do any drugs because of all the bloodwork I am having done. No one cares tho, except my boyfriend. They keep offering me all sorts of things. I am sure they will stop after I say no enough.

Guilty401-since I am so new to the subs program and I never did heroine, I don't know how helpful I can be for you. I can tell you that I like the program so far. It is helping keep the cravings away and enables me to get out of bed and LIVE. Yes, I do feel like it is trading one addiction for another, BUT it is legal, Dr ordered, way cheaper than street drugs, and I don't have to worry that I will OD. The Dr monitors my and keeps me honest by doing urine tests weekly. I can have bloodwork done without worrying my Dr is going to find something illegal in my system. I can job search and not worry about drug testing. And once I am stable on it, I can taper down and be done with it-When I am strong enough to! It works for me, but everyone is different. If you are ready to quit-do it! Subs aren't a miracle drug, they don't do all the work, but they do help when you are ready to stop using. I just keep thinking about all the $ I spent on pills and alcohol. All the time and gas wasted going out looking for something. I wish I could get it all back. I know I can't, but I can make sure I don't waste anymore on it!

Good luck, everyone!

dardanella

trinity77 - In my experience with Suboxone it was such a relief to not have to think about the seeking/withdrawal/guilt cycle that it allowed me to think about my future instead of just counting hours or days or pills. The hell of addiction is that cycle with no end in sight. I was much more clear headed on Subs than methadone and eventually I severed contact with 'friends' who continued to offer opiates knowing i was trying to get clean. Regarding tapering off subs, one thing i can tell you is in my experience you want to go slow and you should be finishing with micrograms. There are instructions for diluting it in water you can search. It was almost painless when i did this method and without Subs I'm not sure I would be clean today. Good luck to you!

nikib57

Hey..i am new on here and not sure if this is the right thread or what. I have currently been on methadone for nearly 4 years.Before that i was on hydro, roxy, oxys nearly everyday for about 4 yrs. So i decided methadone would be the easy way out. i had to drive to a clinic an hour there and a hour back. We'll after awhile they let u get take home bottles so i was going once a week. I was currently at 140mg. We'll one day i just decided i'm tired of depending on any chemicals so i started lowering my dose at home and quit going to the clinic. So i would lower 30mgs every 3 days. i am on my 12th day of tapering and currently at 3mgs. Today was my 1st day at 3mg. Yesterday i was at 20mg for 3 days prior. i have one more dose left at 3mg for 2moro then that will be it. I have already started feeling withdrawals once i got to 20mg.Diarrhea, chill, sweats, headaches, restless legs, fast heartbeat at times, can't eat that well. I checked my blood pressure today at walmart and it was normal but barely normal on the verge of being in in the middle but not high. I have been all over the internet looking for supplements to take. So 12 days ago i started taking flaxseed oil, multivitamin, alpha lipioc acid and melantion for sleep. I just wonder since i already start feeling withdrawals is it going to get worse after 2moro since its my last dose of 3mg? Or should i even bother taking the last 3mg? Anyways, it feels good to tell my story since some of my family and friends have no idea how hard this is.

mialicious

Nikib, Your story is very much like mine. The difference is I was an IV heroin user (my husband and I sold to support our lifestyle) 4 years prior to being on mmt. It really helps to be able to pour out. I've had to pour and rant this whole month! Just ask Lyoness and Lovey02 lol...but we can be here for each other! We are all trying to end this heavy unyielding, doomfilled addiction. We need support and strength when we cannot find it in ourselves, we must conjure it from others! We are here because we have the will to get clean. I'm fighting for my brain to work properly on its own, as you are. 3mgs is low and possibly not lasting you long. You are detoxing what you took 4-8 days ago, gradually.

I too, even have taken supplements while on mmt, but mostly while detoxing! (not from regular grocery stores, from agood health food or vitamin store where they carry good brands). Supplements are a must for all opiates detox (pills, morphine, oxy, heroin, methadone and suboxone):

a multi (men's or women's) calcium w/vit d or magnesium in it, b complex one a day, b6 & b12 tincture throughout the day, flaxseed I take that too like twice per week. Evening primrose oil has greatly helped many with food, alcohol and other addictions. Raw foods too and it has helped greatly! One thing I'd recommend is L-tyrosine. it is an amino acid that helps with sleeplessness and fatigue, and even cravings! because you're getting dopamine-naturally through l tyrosine...it gives your brain dopamine naturally. We can get other amino acids our body doesn't make naturally, by eating raw foods, spinach/romaine salad, nuts of all kinds, fruits, all veggies, etc.

Much love to all you conquering addicts! To fight is our birth right! <3 mia

Foxface

Hi to all. This is the beginning of week three on Subs. The first few days I felt awesome and normal. I finally got off the Merry go round. I have a tremendous amount of guilt now that I'm thinking clearly, but it's as if all my emotions are pouring out at once. It's very overwhelming. I'm staring to second guess the way I felt about things that have happened in the last 6 mo. Because I wasn't thinking sober then. And of course it has to deal with a very long relationship plus children. Has anyone else has this same experience!
Thanks, foxface

Taylormade776

Today is the first day I've ever thought about wanting to stop. Well, REALLY wanting to stop and making an effort. I hate myself every time I take another Lori. I keep thinking ok Tay you're running out, you're going to be out of them next week why did you take that one? But they are staring me in the face it's so hard to not take them. Next month will be my last refil. I need the energy, they make me so happy, and the idea of NOT having them makes my stomach churn to the point of diarrea and anxiety. I want to find a doctor to help me inpatient. But will they report this to my ins co? What if I have another gall stone and I need main management in the future and they see on my medical record I was an addict and they just let me suffer? What if I find a subs dr to help me and he decides he wants to cut me off? What if he reports me and they take my twins away? I take great care of them. I'm a wonderful single mother. I'm just a wonderful mother that happens to have an addiction I think. I'm so afraid right now of the what ifs! And I'm new to the site. I don't really know how it works, I'm so sorry for just taking over the forum. Trinity, I'm still reading over everything everyone here has written. I had to post before I melted down too much to type am I crazy for being so nervous? Maybe I'm over analyzing this. I've researched so much and read over the years, I feel like subs is the right path for me in addition to counseling. But I'm no expert. My biggest fear is getting on subs, then the dr says he doesn't want to give them to me anymore and I relapse! Then what would I do?! Help please

Taylormade776

Today is the first day I've ever thought about wanting to stop. Well, REALLY wanting to stop and making an effort. I hate myself every time I take another Lori. I keep thinking ok Tay you're running out, you're going to be out of them next week why did you take that one? But they are staring me in the face it's so hard to not take them. Next month will be my last refil. I need the energy, they make me so happy, and the idea of NOT having them makes my stomach churn to the point of diarrea and anxiety. I want to find a doctor to help me inpatient. But will they report this to my ins co? What if I have another gall stone and I need main management in the future and they see on my medical record I was an addict and they just let me suffer? What if I find a subs dr to help me and he decides he wants to cut me off? What if he reports me and they take my twins away? I take great care of them. I'm a wonderful single mother. I'm just a wonderful mother that happens to have an addiction I think. I'm so afraid right now of the what ifs! And I'm new to the site. I don't really know how it works, I'm so sorry for just taking over the forum. Trinity, I'm still reading over everything everyone here has written. I had to post before I melted down too much to type am I crazy for being so nervous? Maybe I'm over analyzing this. I've researched so much and read over the years, I feel like subs is the right path for me in addition to counseling. But I'm no expert. My biggest fear is getting on subs, then the dr says he doesn't want to give them to me anymore and I relapse! Then what would I do?! Help please

trinity77

I stress about absolutely everything, too! I am also a single mother. I have four children, ages 9-14. When I decided to go for help for my opiate addiction, all the same questions went through my head. I am 20 days off of pills and alcohol, and 18 days on suboxone. Stopping using and getting on subs is the best thing I could have done. No one can fault you for going to a doctor, confessing all, and asking for help. As for having your children taken off of you, you have a better chance of that happening now, while using, than if you are getting help. If you are a good mother and take care of your children, no one will take them away just because you are in treatment for addiction. A lawyer friend told me once that if you DONT seek help and follow Dr orders, then they can be taken, but if u are doing what you can to get better, that actually looks good for you. As for worrying about future medical problems and being denied pain relief-I believe there are non-opiate pain relievers they can give. I am not an expert on that, but I know for a fact that there are people on here that are in recovery and deal with chronic pain issues or have had surgeries while in recovery. Hopefully one of them can chime in here and give you advise on that.
As for insurance worries-yes, I believe that if you are paying for treatment for addiction with the insurance, they will know you are an addict. Addiction is a medical problem, just like diabetes or high blood pressure. Are you worried they will drop coverage? Not sure, but I don't think they can legally do that! Be grateful that you have insurance that will cover treatment and the meds! So many on here do not, and have to pay for it all out of pocket!
I go to the VA for my treatment. If I can tell the GOVERNMENT that I am an addict and need help, with no repercussion, I am sure you can seek help and be fine! They wanted me to do inpatient, but I told them there was no one who could take care of my 4 kids. I go on an out patient basis. First week, it was twice a week, then once a week for 2 weeks, now I go every other week for a while. They do a urine test every time, and give me only enough subs to last til my next appointment. I believe this is the same for civilian dr's also. The sooner you do it, the better! Don't wait until next month when your script runs out. That is just delaying the inevitable, and giving you more time to stress and drive yourself crazy! Make an appointment and go ASAP. It's time. You know it is, but you are just scared. I know, I was the same way. Just do it, and get it over with. I promise, you won't regret it. I don't. It was one of the scariest things I ever did, asking for help-but also one of the best!!! Good luck and keep us posted!!!

Foxface

Hey Tay listen to Trinity!! Please don't wait! I to believe it looks better for you to be in treatment! I worried about everything too. The first week on subs reminded me of what I had been missing ,the calm after the storm, but for me the storm was getting bigger and uglier by the minute. Good luck!!

mialicious

@trinity77 how's your recovery coming along? I haven't been on in awhile because of some unexpected life issues. I hope you and hope family are doing well and healing together. <3 mia

Taylormade776

Y'all I'm having so many probs finding a dr! As I'm sure y'all know drs who are allowed to write subs can only have 100 patients at a time! There's only 6 drs in a 100 mile radius of me! Obviously I need one close since you have to visit in person monthly! All drs are at compactity right now! I'm on every waiting list for every dr around me! I'm still taking my pills every day and still totally dependant my on them I'm ashamed to tell y'all that! I need a dr to see me and start my subs therapy ASAP! Y'all please pray a spot opens up for me ASAP! I'm over all of my fears and worries of the "what ifs" I just want I'm a dr office to be seen! I hope y'all are all doing so good and I think and pray for you guys every day! Any suggestions on how to get in quicker with a dr/clinic?!

Taylormade776

Also found out my private ins won't cover it so it will be 300 for the first visit, plus the price of the rx! Then in a week I go back and it's $250 plus price of rx again! Then I Wil go monthly for $220 for the visit plus months supply of rx! Gosh it's so expensive! But so worth it! I HOPE!

Taylormade776

Another ? For y'all! When I take my pills (loritabs tramadol oxy... Etc) it makes me wana chain smoke... Does it do the same to you guys? Will I feel the same way with the subs

Lyoness

Hi Taylormade! Hang in there. It took three months from my first call to the subs doctor to actually getting in. And yes, during that time my use kept spiraling upward taking my tolerance with it. It was hard when I finally got in, I'd lost some of my motivation by then. However, I jumped at the chance and am now almost six months into my subs taper.

It is totally worth the wait, subs is helping me stay in recovery and stay off the oxy, dilaudid, etc. Are you doing any counseling or anything else to start your recovery while you are waiting to get into the subs doctor? That was a requirement to get into my doctor and I think it's a good thing to do. Can help you stay focused on the goal while you're waiting.

You might also want to check into possible sources of coverage for the suboxone while you're waiting. They do have a program to help people, check out their website (Home) for more info. Good luck!

neferkamichael

Trinity, everybody here is on your side. Rootin for ya.

cleaninLI

Hi Taylor. Just checking on you. Are u still waiting for your Drs appointment? I have been on subs for 2 months now. It certainly helps control my cravings. I too am addicted to oxys, Percs, Vic's opiate painkillers. It is my understanding that if you need surgery in the future, drs will prescribe pain meds for your pain. Of course, it would be better for you to try nonnarcotics first though. I know exactly what u mean about feeling anxious trying to hold off on taking your pills knowing you only have one refill left. That's part of our addiction. As long as I had pills I could never control my use of them. I would keep popping those until I was out of them. Then go crazy trying to come up with money and a way to buy more of them. My life was consumed by pills. While on pills I chain smoked. On suboxine I also crave cigs. I want to quit smoking, but my counslor told me to take it step by step and should concentrate on staying clean for now. Let me know how u are doing.

cleaninLI

Also there is a coupon on suboxine site for 0 copay once a month. I have been using that. Cuts the price in half.

Taylormade776

Oh my gosh thank y'all so much!! Guess what guys?!?!?!
AMAZING NEWS!
Sunday morning (this Sunday) if all goes according to plan, that is, my life Wil be changing! A doctor accepted me!!!!!!!!!!!!! My appt is tues At 9AM!! So Sunday at 9AM will be the last pills I can take, must be in withdrawls for 48 hours when you enter the office or he won't write your script!!! Omg!!!! Oddly enough I should run out I pills sat night sun morning! I know I don't have to even explain to y'all but you know how it is... I count my pills daily and know EXACTLY how long they will last me! Lol! So I bought groceries, filled my car up with gas, paid my bills, and got rid of my CC! I paid the $300 for my first visit with dr Clarke! So I will have no money to buy any either! Y'all I'm nervous happy sad excited scared freaked out thrilled.... I'm feeling so much! I'm counting on that coupon for real! I am told that the coupon suboxone offers will no longer be offered and will expire on 6-30-13 and everyone currently using this coupon will be cut off after that month and will no longer be a coupon offered until march 2013! Y'all say a prayer they change their mind bc if that's what happens then all of us counting on it will be screwed! The price will go up substantially! I don't know about y'all, but I can't afford this very expensive Med without the coupon! Also the coupon can only be used once a month. So my first visit I will be covered "IF" he writes me the full 14 strips! Then in your first beginner month with dr Clarke you have to go back in a week, then after that you go monthly! $300 for first visit plus subs rx then every additional visit is $250 a month plus cost of meds! How do people afford this?! This is insane! It's sad in America it's cheaper to be an addict than it is to be an addict seeking help ya know what I mean?! Y'all don't listen to me, I'm just fussing and bitching about my financial concerns when y'all are all trying so hard and doing so good! I'm sorry to sound discouraging! Y'all are my mentors and I'm sorry I'm not more helpful to y'all yet but I will be one day! I wana be like y'all, I wana be clean And sober and I WILLLL BEEEEEE!!!! As long as I can afford it =\ also dr Clarke does interviews on the history channel and things like that, he's a seventy something year old black man from South Africa and is amazing from what I read and see about him! I've never met a patient of his so that is where the true good or bad opinions come in! He is also a very good therapist which I plan to take full advantage of my hour long visit I'm paying for to get my meds from him by also using him as my new therapist! The receptionist (his wife) says lots of patients don't even realize he's a psychiatrist an you CAN talk to him as your therapist, you don't have to just run in- get meds - and run out! I'm sure the first is it I will feel like **** and not want to chat too much, ill be so sick and cold sweat feeling, diarrea, exhaustion (in full blown WD) that I won't wana chat! Prob wana go get those subs filled at the pharmacy an start to feel "normal-ish" again! But every time after that when I go, I'm not trying to make a joke, but I'm getting my money's worth. Even without the pressures of a young woman with addiction, being a single mom of two small kids, a dad (my very best friend) who killed himself a short time ago, marriage of ten years just fell apart out of nowhere, he hasn't seen me or my kids since our divorce a year and four months ago, a mother who thinks I'm not a good mother and let's me know it bc my homes not clean enough and I smoke and I don't spank my kids enough basically (I'm a damn good mama btw) .... And a pile of other probs (not saying I'm special or anything, I know I don't have it bad, some people have REAL problems) my life just has some "cosmetic" details that need some work, that's a pretty way to put it right?! Lol! Y'all are the only people that know what is in my head and know about my addiction and know I'm seeing a dr for help! My fam and friends would say don't do it, you don't need subs, just saddle up cowgirl and mind over matter! Nobody understands! Y'all get me! Btw my daughter is I'm early grade school so she will be t school but my baby will be with me. That's how little alone time I get and gives you a Little indication of just what a small amount of help I have with my kids. I had to say I wan having my kidney stone removed again like I did last time I asked for help with my kids, dropped him off at a mommys day out drop in care "pay by the day" kind thing, and had my surgery then picked him up that afternoon and then got my other child when school let out! So once again, no help with the kids so baby will be going with me lol! My therapist will need therapy when I leave that place! Terrible twos! but at least I'm on the path now! And like I said, I know people have WAY bigger harder problems than me, I guess I just needed to vent! Also--- WTH will we do in June when that coupon stops????