Hello, I'm new here and need help.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: West Nyack NY
Posts: 12
Hello, I'm new here and need help.
Hello everyone, my name is Anthony, I am currently 31 years old. I have been clean from all "illegal" drugs for about 7 years. After checking myself into a local rehab I was prescribed suboxone 8mg 3x per day, so 24mg a day. At first and for the first couple of years I thought it was the savior of my life. About 4 years into taking suboxone I started to get random withdrawals that lasted anywhere from a day to almost a week. I would vomit/sweat/shake along with all the other symptoms such as aches/anxiety/pain/sleeplessness. The Dr. I see reminds me of a "dealer" in every way. He does not take any insurance, and has no desire to get me off this crap. Anyway about 3 months ago I started to taper the dose down myself. I figured since I was getting random withdrawls every few weeks that I would be ok. Well now I take at least 4mg when I wake, and another 4-8mg around 10 hours later. My symptoms have not changed. I am tired of taking this medication and wish to have a life again with my wife and children. I am literally scared to death of stopping, because I can't imagine feeling worse than I already do. I have to work full time to support my family, so I cannot simply suck it up and sit at home for a month or 2 while I recover. *I read nothing but horror stories about W/D when you stop taking it, and quite frankly it scares me to death. About 3 years ago when I started to have these symptoms my docdealer put me on Xanax 2mg 3x per day... I only take 1mg 2-3 times a day or I would not be able to function. My wife is trying to support me, but she has never had any addictions, so she does not really understand. I find myself crying in the bathroom everytime I take my meds because I am truly sick and tired of taking them, and how they have affected me and my family life. I reduced my doses mainly to cut down on the cost of Dr visits and the Dr believes I still take the same amount. I wish that I walked out of rehab and never was introduced to suboxone, but at that time I believed that I needed it to stay clean. My father thinks I'm just weak and does not support me either, I don't have any support really... This past weekend I went to the E.R. and was admitted because I was vomiting/sweating/shaking ect for more than 2 days strait. My wife basically forced me to go because she got sick of watching my bent over the trash or toilet every hour or so, otherwise I was stuck in bed. This medication is really starting to make me insane and like I said, I read nothing but horror stories of W/D and I know it's worse depending on your dosage and how long you have been on it, and I cannot remember reading about a single poster that has been on this medication for as long as I have. So that's why I am here..... I have been taking suboxone for 7 years now, it's ruining my life, driving me insane and I don't know what to do.. If you read this entire post, I thank you for your time, I know time is precious to everyone, including me. I am looking for experienced advice and welcome all and any encouragement.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 25
The best advice that I could give you is to get another dr! There are good sub dr's out there and I know because I used 2 have a dealer doc and fired him! I now am happy with my new dr. I've been on subs for 3 years and this is my 2nd round on them. I know the insanity part of subs, because I make myself CRAZY with trying to get off of these things. The best thing seems to try to be patient with my own brain and the healing process. We as addicts want what we want when we want it but I've come to realize that slow and steady wins the race. Find another dr, wean off slowly and to a very low dose. Godspeed.
Even though it feels like it sometimes.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Irish
Posts: 552
Welcome Anthony,your journey to soberiety has started here Today.Its all about, what is your Addiction covering up.Your Anxiety/Pain is now rising above the Soboxone.To keep it at bay you need to take Higher Doses of the said drug.
My advice to you is if you want to get clean....find a good doctor that will support you in your withdrawl.Or if you can afford it get to Re Hab.
In my case I attended AA while I was Withdrawing.............It took my over a year.I was extremely addicted to Ativan......over 20 years.You can read my story in the Stories section ,it might help.
My advice to anyone trying to get off Addictive Pills would be,Attend ACA while you are withdrawing Slowly.This program deals with the reason we Started medicating in the first place.
This Program was not around when I Got Clean and Sober.................Good Day to you ,and Message me if you want any more help.
My advice to you is if you want to get clean....find a good doctor that will support you in your withdrawl.Or if you can afford it get to Re Hab.
In my case I attended AA while I was Withdrawing.............It took my over a year.I was extremely addicted to Ativan......over 20 years.You can read my story in the Stories section ,it might help.
My advice to anyone trying to get off Addictive Pills would be,Attend ACA while you are withdrawing Slowly.This program deals with the reason we Started medicating in the first place.
This Program was not around when I Got Clean and Sober.................Good Day to you ,and Message me if you want any more help.
July 8, 2011
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: California
Posts: 66
definately get another doctor! and as far as your family not understanding, just remeber that it is impossible for a non addict to understand to immense pain and suffering we go through and how much we overcome when we get clean. please, get another doctor today and tell them everything... you deserve to be happy and healthy
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hi 7years,
Your story is what I feared most about going on subs to quit oxys last December, and I'm so glad I just toughed it out and went cold turkey. I, too, ended up with a "dealer doc" who had no real interest in tapering me off oxys, and he was part of the reason my addiction got as bad as it did before I quit.
I think you should go to an addiction medicine specialist who does not regularly treat pain patients, so the incentive to keep you addicted will be minimized. There is another poster here who just did that, and he is starting on subs, and I hope he doesn't find himself in your situation.
Whatever you do, please come back here and maybe on the substance abuse forum, because we need your story of recovery. We all need to know what to do to get off opiates, including suboxone. We need to know what doesn't work, as much as what does. There is NO ONE RIGHT WAY. My way ended up being cold turkey after I failed at tapering off, with actual really trying to taper, and with two different docs who really tried to help me taper off. It didn't work for me. My guess is I'd still be addicted to subs if I had gone that route. But that is MY story. We need yours badly. So, please share your journey.
FT
Your story is what I feared most about going on subs to quit oxys last December, and I'm so glad I just toughed it out and went cold turkey. I, too, ended up with a "dealer doc" who had no real interest in tapering me off oxys, and he was part of the reason my addiction got as bad as it did before I quit.
I think you should go to an addiction medicine specialist who does not regularly treat pain patients, so the incentive to keep you addicted will be minimized. There is another poster here who just did that, and he is starting on subs, and I hope he doesn't find himself in your situation.
Whatever you do, please come back here and maybe on the substance abuse forum, because we need your story of recovery. We all need to know what to do to get off opiates, including suboxone. We need to know what doesn't work, as much as what does. There is NO ONE RIGHT WAY. My way ended up being cold turkey after I failed at tapering off, with actual really trying to taper, and with two different docs who really tried to help me taper off. It didn't work for me. My guess is I'd still be addicted to subs if I had gone that route. But that is MY story. We need yours badly. So, please share your journey.
FT
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: West Nyack NY
Posts: 12
Thanks for the support thus far.
Failedtaper, how long have you been off subs, and how long / dosage were you on. And how do you feel?
Today I had a long and emotional talk with my mother about what I am going through, and she immediately began to cry. 7 years ago my sister was murdered by her husband, who was a retired police officer, than killed himself. The 4 children, my 3 nephews who were 7 9 and 11, were not his, and my niece was about 4, they found them when they came home from school. My sister and I were always very close, i love her very much, and miss her everyday. This horrible thing that happened and seeing what it did to my parents is what brought me to rehab in the first place, where I thought I was doing the right thing with "suboxone". Anyways I explained to my mother what I was feeling and what was going on, and trust me she could see it, she lives in PA with my father and nephews and niece about 90 minutes away, I don't visit that often anymore, but I used too all the time, to spend time with my father (who has had multiple massive heart attacks and many surgeries.) and to see my nieces and nephews that my parents have been raising since my sister was stolen from us. My mother told me she would support me emotionally, physically, and financially for as many months as she has to, to get her son back. She does not want to bury her only child, and this is very therapeutic for her depression for not being able to help my sister. I am lucky I have such a mother and I know I am truly blessed(even though I'm not very religious at all). I talked to my wife about it, and she agrees it's the best thing for me. I hate to leave my family, but I know I'm not really here now, and I need to be here in 10 years. I have other physical problems as well, but that's another post.... Anyway knowing I have such tremendous support, financially for "my wife and kids, while I'm out of work" and emotionally/physically, It eases my nerves quite a bit. I will hate being away, and I feel like a failure, but they will visit me often, and I don't want my daughter to see me in such a W/D for such a long time. I have to plan this right, I am starting to taper down my dosages every day, a little each day, get everyone at work behind me, (they know what's going on with me somewhat) and I need a little time to prepare them. I need to get my wife set up financially along with other responsibilities I have always taken out. And prepare my daughters for it. I plan to be tapered off and start my road to recovery within the next 4-6 weeks. I beat crack/coke/pills the whole nine yards with my first round of addiction, and I recovered in PA with mom, she loves me, but she means business, it will get the job done. I count the days till I can go, but still fear/know I will most likely go through another temporay W/D before... Hopefully not.
Today I had a long and emotional talk with my mother about what I am going through, and she immediately began to cry. 7 years ago my sister was murdered by her husband, who was a retired police officer, than killed himself. The 4 children, my 3 nephews who were 7 9 and 11, were not his, and my niece was about 4, they found them when they came home from school. My sister and I were always very close, i love her very much, and miss her everyday. This horrible thing that happened and seeing what it did to my parents is what brought me to rehab in the first place, where I thought I was doing the right thing with "suboxone". Anyways I explained to my mother what I was feeling and what was going on, and trust me she could see it, she lives in PA with my father and nephews and niece about 90 minutes away, I don't visit that often anymore, but I used too all the time, to spend time with my father (who has had multiple massive heart attacks and many surgeries.) and to see my nieces and nephews that my parents have been raising since my sister was stolen from us. My mother told me she would support me emotionally, physically, and financially for as many months as she has to, to get her son back. She does not want to bury her only child, and this is very therapeutic for her depression for not being able to help my sister. I am lucky I have such a mother and I know I am truly blessed(even though I'm not very religious at all). I talked to my wife about it, and she agrees it's the best thing for me. I hate to leave my family, but I know I'm not really here now, and I need to be here in 10 years. I have other physical problems as well, but that's another post.... Anyway knowing I have such tremendous support, financially for "my wife and kids, while I'm out of work" and emotionally/physically, It eases my nerves quite a bit. I will hate being away, and I feel like a failure, but they will visit me often, and I don't want my daughter to see me in such a W/D for such a long time. I have to plan this right, I am starting to taper down my dosages every day, a little each day, get everyone at work behind me, (they know what's going on with me somewhat) and I need a little time to prepare them. I need to get my wife set up financially along with other responsibilities I have always taken out. And prepare my daughters for it. I plan to be tapered off and start my road to recovery within the next 4-6 weeks. I beat crack/coke/pills the whole nine yards with my first round of addiction, and I recovered in PA with mom, she loves me, but she means business, it will get the job done. I count the days till I can go, but still fear/know I will most likely go through another temporay W/D before... Hopefully not.
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Macomb/ Detroit, MI
Posts: 126
To give you a short briefing of my experience with sub's I was first on it with my Doc for 10 months starting off at somewhere around 2.5 - 3 8mg tabs a day. During that time I was weaned down 2-4mgs at a time bringing me to a point that I was taking 2mgs every other day at which time I successfully jumped off with minimal symptoms, a slight upset stomach at times and lack of appetite. That was really it, I hope that this just gives you a small perspective on how it can be done with really no pain involved. That how it worked for me in my case only of course. But I wish you the best man if you want any more details on my experience feel free to ask and I appreciate you sharing yours for the others going through the same thing. Thanks.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hi 7years,
I sent you a PM. I write such long posts it maybe isn't clear I wasn't on suboxone, just oxycodone for 2 years, and tried to taper for a year until I gave that up and jumped off cold turkey. I was miserable for a few weeks, then totally lethargic a few months, and now at 9+ months clean, I am feeling better than I have in years.
This is my 3rd recovery -- the first was from alcohol over 20 years ago. The second was 10 years ago from unnamed drugs in the opiate family together followed by a couple years of ridiculous psych drugs. This one, the third, is going to be my last. I am firmly a non-opiate-user and intend to stay this way. I intend to live out the rest of my remaining years with my full faculties, untainted by mind altering substances.
I applaud your mother for her support of her son. I have grown sons for whom I would provide the same support, and for whom I would give my life. So I understand where she is coming from. Send her a card, some flowers, anything to tell her how much you appreciate her. You have no idea what that would mean to her.
I try to help out here whenever I can, without interfering with the good help that other posters are giving to each other. But I do have years of experience on many levels, and I'm always here to support your recovery in any way I can.
FT
I sent you a PM. I write such long posts it maybe isn't clear I wasn't on suboxone, just oxycodone for 2 years, and tried to taper for a year until I gave that up and jumped off cold turkey. I was miserable for a few weeks, then totally lethargic a few months, and now at 9+ months clean, I am feeling better than I have in years.
This is my 3rd recovery -- the first was from alcohol over 20 years ago. The second was 10 years ago from unnamed drugs in the opiate family together followed by a couple years of ridiculous psych drugs. This one, the third, is going to be my last. I am firmly a non-opiate-user and intend to stay this way. I intend to live out the rest of my remaining years with my full faculties, untainted by mind altering substances.
I applaud your mother for her support of her son. I have grown sons for whom I would provide the same support, and for whom I would give my life. So I understand where she is coming from. Send her a card, some flowers, anything to tell her how much you appreciate her. You have no idea what that would mean to her.
I try to help out here whenever I can, without interfering with the good help that other posters are giving to each other. But I do have years of experience on many levels, and I'm always here to support your recovery in any way I can.
FT
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: West Nyack NY
Posts: 12
Sorry I have not posted.
FailedT8per thanks for the insight to your previous encounters. After re-reading your post after I replied I saw the oxy part. I have just been very, hmmm full of good emotions?, while still not feeling well, and I simply misread it, my apologies. Anyway, I plan to start my recovery on November 1st, if not earlier. I have a home, 2 kids, and a full time job I need to prepare before I ship out, so I have been very busy. I also need the time to taper off the suboxone and Xanax before I go. I too wish to live the rest of my life to it's full enjoyment. I screwed up the first 10 years with illicit drugs, and the last 7 on suboxone. I'm thinking of writing a self-help book, maybe after my recovery because the journey and results will all be very important chapters. I never really cared for writing, but have been exceptional at it, plus I find it relieving to put feelings on paper/text and would like to, and think I can help people in the future. "The Deadly Drug, In a Discrete Disguise!". I will be pretty busy this month, but I will post when I can. I will post more when I start my recovery. I finally saw a real excellent caring PCP for the first time in, oh, 10 years. She is also an internal medicinist, so I was there for 3 hours getting every test you can imagine. I told her my plans and she thinks it's great. Anyone know of any completely "safe" "non-habbit/addictive" scripts that could help with the WD phase, I plan for it to last 6-24 weeks since I've been on it for 7 years. I don't want "anything" that I cannot stop immediately with no adverse reactions. Thanks again for the support, I'll keep the thread alive to my best ability. I know this is valuable information, I have yet to see or read about anyone taking as much as I do for nearly as long.
Take care everyone, and be well!
Take care everyone, and be well!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hi 7years,
As you are preparing for quitting drugs on November 1st, do you have plan for what you will do this month? If you are shipping out, as in shipping out in the military, you will be heavily scrutinized in all ways, probably including drug testing, so you might want to consider quitting before then.
I've described how tapering didn't work for me. It works for some people.
As to drugs to take for withdrawal, it sounds like you have a friendly PCP. That person could help you with medications to ease a number of withdrawal symptoms, none of which would be a red flag on a drug test, and would be something you could take with you. I can't go into specifics here, due to the medical advice rule.
dragonfly05: I hope your son is reading. I'm a mom with two grown sons, and I would give my life for them.
FT
As you are preparing for quitting drugs on November 1st, do you have plan for what you will do this month? If you are shipping out, as in shipping out in the military, you will be heavily scrutinized in all ways, probably including drug testing, so you might want to consider quitting before then.
I've described how tapering didn't work for me. It works for some people.
As to drugs to take for withdrawal, it sounds like you have a friendly PCP. That person could help you with medications to ease a number of withdrawal symptoms, none of which would be a red flag on a drug test, and would be something you could take with you. I can't go into specifics here, due to the medical advice rule.
dragonfly05: I hope your son is reading. I'm a mom with two grown sons, and I would give my life for them.
FT
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: West Nyack NY
Posts: 12
Shipping out non-military.
Sorry if i was misunderstood. When I said "ship out" I meant to start my road to recovery at my mother and fathers house. Sort of like a military facility, but not quite... I did plan to start on November 1st, but lately(perhaps because of weaning off the Xanax and Suboxone) i have been feeling like total crap about every single day. Now that I cannot even seem to finish an entire work week without taking a day or 2 off, it doesn't really make sense for me to stay here prolonging my recovery. What I wanted to prepare till November 1st was my job, something I'd like to return to immediately upon recovery. My wife, who doesn't even seem to care if I'm breathing these days.... My bills, i support a family of 4 + a mother-in-law with a full mortgage. I am the only one in the home that has a job for the Past 4 years, so all of the financial burden has been, and is mine. I am now seeing that I must come first, especially when i realize the people I worry about the most don't give a crap about me, unless they need something. I will most likely be "shipping out" to recover at my parents house sometime towards next weekend. There are a few minor loose ends I'd prefer tying up. Thanks for all of the support thus far, I will keep this thread posted for anyone who is interested.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Jacksonville
Posts: 59
7 Years,
Just wanted to let you know that I think you are doing a really good thing, and I am sure your wife is just numb from the years of addiction. I have been with my husband 15 years and although we both did drugs together when we met, I have been clean since 2002, but he has switched from one drug to another. He has been on hydrocodones for almost 5 years now. We have two sons, 11 and 13 and I am to the point of separation because nothing seems to work to get him clean. He doesn't even abuse them as bad as some people, but he is buying them from people now and it has been constant lies, counting pills, hiding pills, etc for these past 5 years. Hoping you can remain married and get off of those sub's. I hear they are pretty bad. It's sad that there are docs out there who prescribe these pills that destroy people's life with such ease.
Will be praying for you and believing that you will do wonderful!!!!! Love and Light to your and your family!
Just wanted to let you know that I think you are doing a really good thing, and I am sure your wife is just numb from the years of addiction. I have been with my husband 15 years and although we both did drugs together when we met, I have been clean since 2002, but he has switched from one drug to another. He has been on hydrocodones for almost 5 years now. We have two sons, 11 and 13 and I am to the point of separation because nothing seems to work to get him clean. He doesn't even abuse them as bad as some people, but he is buying them from people now and it has been constant lies, counting pills, hiding pills, etc for these past 5 years. Hoping you can remain married and get off of those sub's. I hear they are pretty bad. It's sad that there are docs out there who prescribe these pills that destroy people's life with such ease.
Will be praying for you and believing that you will do wonderful!!!!! Love and Light to your and your family!
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: reeders pa.
Posts: 11
I'm sure being an addict is a living hell,but let me tell you real life has been a horror for me.
After the murder of my daughter Elena 5 years ago every day I relive that day in my mind.
My husband of 40 years is a heart patient,and has been thur 2 bypasses and 10 stents,so every day I hope he gets thur another day.
Then when my son is and addict and sick all the time ,his teeth have rotted and he's down to 103lbs.When I see him I;m terrified I will lose him too.
Sometimes I think people on drugs are hiding from the real hell LIFE.
After the murder of my daughter Elena 5 years ago every day I relive that day in my mind.
My husband of 40 years is a heart patient,and has been thur 2 bypasses and 10 stents,so every day I hope he gets thur another day.
Then when my son is and addict and sick all the time ,his teeth have rotted and he's down to 103lbs.When I see him I;m terrified I will lose him too.
Sometimes I think people on drugs are hiding from the real hell LIFE.
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