Purrdy

I am posting this here because there is a friend in SR who might like to readit so that she knows that I know the madness of alcoholism....


Hello my name is purrdy and I am an alcoholic...

my mum died when i was four, we were brought up by my dad who honestly did the best job he possibly could for us....my brother and i were left with strangers on many occasions and we suffered at the hands of various 'carers' and step mothers.we were starved, sometimes beaten and emotionally abused for years...at 16 dad left to live in the USA and is still there...I took an overdose once i call it an emotional rock bottom...i ended up being commited to an institution for a few days to straighten out then talked my way out of there I had never felt so lost, lonely and frightened in my life...I had nobody, my brother was living up north and i had nothing and nobody to turn to

my brother and me just drifted into a life of drugs and drink, dossing anywhere we could find a place to stay.. I got into a few bad situations and had noone to help...the drug use continued until I finally came to the area i live now when alcohol took over...i was a lot younger then and i could work a full time job and drink...burning the candle at both ends...i finally met my husband to be at work...it was a difficult relationship as i was so messed up...no self esteem i felt like life was not worth living i was just going through the motions. that man showed me consistency and love


I still felt like i was not good enough and my low self esteem kept me in a place where i was pressing every self destruct button i could find

eventually we got a house together got married (in the good ol USA) and i had my first child i did not smoke or drink through either or my pregancies...i had a healthy babay boy and fell into a pit of post natal depression...i do not remember the first year of his life

life went on, the drink became more frequent we moved to our present home about11 years ago now I had my second son...

drink was now getting a grip, i used to love the taste the effect and the fact it could send me into oblivion darkeness and numbness away from the harsh realities of life


I could not cope....I had two small children and a loving husband but money was so tight and he was working all the time to make ends meet...i battled with hideous depression for years and tried my best to be a good mum..childhood memories compoounded my belief that i would never be good enough and that i would fail at everything i did...my husband remained consistent and loving

then the alcoholism took a firmer hold I drankk every day, I hid bottles I would go to different shops to buy the stuff i would buy my kids magazines and books in order to take away their awareness of me buying and drinking this stuff in the car on the way home...I hid it I drank the alcopops 'as a treat' like they didnt count or something. we brewed our own beer out of honey and we made mead, (honey wine) and I loved it getting pissed at home EVERY night...mostly alone a sad and miserable existence

I did not have a problem though! oh no I just liked a drink I was a good time girl held down by the responsiblities of parent hood I could not cope


and so the day came when i stopped hiding it, i was a drunken mess who cussed shouted and spat obsenities to my husband i hated everyone and everything in my life i wanted the world to **** off! i hated god for turning me out this way .....I HATED ME


one day hub came in with a bottle that i had just stuffed into the bin he aske me why? why was i doing this i told him to **** off i told himit was his fault

one night after a binge he got on his knees in tears he begged me begged me to stop i told him to **** off

but in a moment of clarity I say what i had done...the mess the agony i had created about me i wanted out i had had enough I HAD HAD ENOUGH

a few days later i called AA those people networked for me i had 4-5 telephone calls that afternoon and eventually one agreed to meet me at a friday eve meet.....the meet was small the lady who was sharing said it how it was her experience strength and hope I sat and cried all the way through...the next day i went back to another meet I said.....

yesterday i went to a meeting becaus i thought i was an alcoholic im back today becaus I KNOW i am an alcoholic


i kept goingto meetings, i got a sponser after about 3 weeks and i started to share in meetings i got real i got honest i got angry i got confused i got scared istarted to get well

the fog lifted and i floated around on a pink cloud for a few months

i am still attending meetings, i am still getting well i am still honest i am still confused sometimes, i am still scared sometimes,i am still angry sometimes

but today i have the fellowship I have the tools of sobriety i have friends that are UNIQUE AND PRICELESS (keys to kingdom) and I have some managability in my life
its not a bed of roses all the time and there isnt enough time to go into all the fabulous stuff sobriety has given me but i know this much

I am eternall gratefull to the members of AA who held out thier hand to me and helped me. I am glad for the support and LOVE they continue to show me
I am grateful for the knock on effect of working the steps. we are a loving and honest family just doing the best we can

yes theres the depression at this time of year but its treatable, there is stillthe madness of alcoholism but its treatable

I am so blessed and so loved today I have more love and support i could ever wish for and god anwered my prayers all those years ago...

it works if we work it

I keep on working it, sometimes its hard but i knwo what is waiting for me if i pick up a drink again and i just dont want that not now not anymore

so thats some of my story and i hope that anyone who reads this will get some understanding of how ill we really are with this disease...there are many things i have not mentioned here but believe me there is nothing that can shock me.....i have been there i have done it


I am a walking miricle and like millions of other walking miricles in AA i am getting well one day at a time


thanks to SR and all that support and sail in her!!!

love to you all and thanks for reading


prayers and blessings


purrdyxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx