aasharon90

Hi, I'm Sharon and I'm an Alcohilic.
My AA Experiene-Houston, Texas

What was it like, what happened and what is it like now. 3 questions you ask yourself when telling your story. How does one open up completely about child abuse.To expose ones innerself to a room full of people, baring low self-esteem, fears, insecurities about ones self from the very beginning is not easy. I'm a one of 4 kids born to middle class working parents. A normal father as I saw him and a mother with a Dr. Jeckel / Mr. Hyde personality. Im the second oldest, first daughter. I took on the responsiblities of an adult at an early age. Chosen to be the housekeeper or "maid" as I thought of myself for the family. I did my duties to the best of my ability as a child, but it seemed to never be good enough. Because my mom was also abused as a child, she passed the same abuse on to me. Why was I chosen instead of the others, I'll never know. Anyway....If anyone is familiar with movies like Mommie Dearest, 28 days or even When a Man Loves a Women, they are movies that tell my story and somewhat describe what my life was like. Right now there's a trail going on on Court-tv about a 12 year old boy, Cody Posey, who killed his dad, sister and step mom. A boy who lost his real mom at 10 and went to live with his dad and experienced child abuse . Something at the end drove him to kill them all. Thank God, my abuse didn't leave me to kill off my parents or even myself which I came close to several times. Anyway....After 18 years of hell at home, I moved out swearing no one will ever tell me what to do again. Maybe that's why today i rebel aganst authority and the lack of accepting direction. I began drinking small sips of alcohol as it was offered to me at an early age. For reasons over the years I was affraid to reach in the bottom cabinet where all the alcohol was located due to fear of getting caught and ending up like my mom. As I got older and was on my own working, I thought my life was under control. I worked responsibly and wanted to play to catch up on my lost childhood. Drinking allowed me to enjoy myself, meet people, get noticed and so on. It also got the best of me, esp. if i drank on an empty stomach which led me spawled out in the middle of a field not knowing where i was with a ring of people looking down on me. How embarrasing that was. In 82 I got married and had my 2 kids several years later due to a wish I made. Becareful what you wish for people would say. Yep, it came true. I had my little family and stayed home for 16 year raising them. And how I ended up with 2 wondeful productive little ones, who are 21 and 19 now, in the world today is only by the Grace of my HP.
Yep, I drank during their childhood, but descretely as i could tell. In fact, know one knew I ever had a problem with drinking. Fooled ya. : ) Well, in Feb. 90, I was on my way home from a local club back in Baton Rouge one night where less than a mile away, my car went off the road with my front wheels hitting a 2 ft. notch cut out in the road. I stayed in the car, but ended up in the hospital after my first and only ride in the back of an EMS car. My stay was for 10 day with a removal of a punctured spleen so i wouldnt bleed to death and numerous other broken ribs and contusions. My alcohol level was way up there from what I was told. Anyway....a few months later, i recovered nicely and boom, right back out there i was drinking, driving and clubing. Aug. 9th, i ended up home late then another arguement which led me to take a bottle of Nuprin along with some left over pain pills downing them with wine. That was done because I had had enough of failing again and thought I would just end everyones misery once and for all. Well, my husband didn't believe me and so I wanted to prove him wrong. The next day Family Intervention took place where I got to ride in the back of a handless police car. How ashamed I felt. They took me away like a criminal. And off i went to the crazy ward to see if i was really crazy for wanting to take my life. Good thing that wasn't it because those people i was with that first night, i felt sorry for them, but no way was I that crazy. : ) They sent me up to the Silkworth where they thought I belonged . Someone with a drinking problem. I spent 28 days in rehab, learning the first few baby steps. Admitting, Accepting and Believing. I took those helpful AA tools with me and thus began my long road of recovery. Six years I went to one to 2 meetings a day. Listening and taking what was so freely given to me. Today I am still without the desire to drink as that was lifted from me from the start. Today, I live in Houston where i left behind my AA support in Baton Rouge. It literally took me 6 years to finally begin to feel comfortable around those folks back home and then to leave them. Here in Houston, Sadly I can't seem to get a new support group. Not to say what Im doing is the right way to work a program....and I am connected in some way to AA here online with you guys and various other recovery support. There is no way i can live a day without AA. It is part of my life and soul. To drink is to die along with countless other AA sayings to guide us. Today, I have a little part time job working in a grocery store with many wonderful customers. Today I am still married....23 years.....not always a joy, but hey, im still here. My kids are my joy. They are both in colege finding their way beautifully. Tomorrow, who knows. I try not to get too far ahead of myself as I get anxious. Each year we grow, hopefully more wiser, spiritually, emotionally, physically, etc. I would hope to remain available to help others in recovery as they have so freely helped me along the way. My soul purpose in life is to help another Alcoholic stay sober by sharing my experience, strength and hopes with them. and on that note i will end here.

Thanks for letting me share.

Sharon M.
Houston, Tx.; Baton Rouge, La.
8-11-90