My Story

Old 06-24-2005, 11:25 PM
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All in God's Hands
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 81
My Story

I was born on July 1, 1976 to two people who were not in shape to have a child. My father was an abusive alchie who did not want another child,my mother just wanted to be out of her parents house. All that I remember from this time is the fighting and hitting and my oldest brother(dad's son) and oldest sister(dad's also)putiing me in the bed with them so that our fatherwould not hurt us in one of his rampages. When I was 4 and two brothers later my mother left him. This was after being sexually molested by him for 2.5 years. Long story short he went to prison for 5 years because of a DWI 3rd offense got sober and found God. I do not blame my father for the molestation I blame the disease. I have made my peace with him on this and I am grateful to God for allowing me to forgive him and let go of my anger and pain. Fast foward to January 31,1988
My brother Lynn was killed in a car wreck.He was supposed to come and see me that day and called to say that he would be there the next day because there was a party that he wanted to go to and I told him that I hated him because all he ever wanted to do was get drunk and high instead of come see me. I came home the next day from school and my mother told me that Lynn had been killed in a car wreck and that the funeral would be in 2 days. THat was it. No hugs no I am sorry. She just walked off. That was the beginning of the end for me. At the grand old age of 11 I started to drink to escape the pain. In May of the same year I sarted having sex with my step cousin because he said that he loved me and that was all that mattered. He was 16. Him I have never forgiven. By the time I was 13 I could out drink most grown men that I knew. I was stealing money and going to the local store and tell them that it was for my mom, uncle, whoever and they would sell it to me because that is how it was done in our neighborhood. By this time my mother had met my soon to be step father who was also an abusive drunk who beat his son. He tried to whip me one day and I told him I knew where he slept and that I would kill him in his sleep. So off to Daddy I went. I started stealing his pain pills and whatever else I could. Soon I was drinking about a fifth of whiskey and taking about on average 5 or 6 pain pills a day.
One day one of my brothers friends said he wanted to go to Lynn's grave did I want to come along. I said Yes and on the way there he gave me some pills. We never got to the cemetry. Instead we went to an vacant house where 4 other guys where who spent taking turns raping me. After this it seemed as if I had no reason to live so I started getting drunker and drunker. 2 months later I found out that I was pregnant and had an abortion. I never told anyone until this year about that. For the next 5 years I spent in a haze of pills and booze anything to make me not feel anything. Then I met my high school sweetheart got pregnant and stayed sober for the next 4 years. We had a beautiful girl in the process of this. When she was about 1.5 his friends introduced him to coke. The next 2.5 years were pure hell. He became abusive and cheated on me that I know of twice. That relationship ended and so did my being sober. After we split up I reverted to my old ways. I never let my daughter see me drink or high on pills. But I started slipping futher and further away from her and everyone else. On June 16,1999 I lost all rights to her. I cannot even see her beautful smile anymore. I figured that since I was such a horrible mother that there was no hope for me and started to do crystal meth and on ocassion coke. On October 31, 2000. I died literally. I had alchohol poisoning. When I woke up I realised everything that I could lose. When I left the hospital I prayed for a sign and I got it. An old friend found me and literally dragged me to a NA meeting that he was going to. I knew then that I had to do something. Man it is so hard to descrbe the peace that I felt when I asked God for help. It was as if I was lifted up off the ground and encased in this wonderful place. I met my son's father and ignored all the no relationship rules(STUPID OF ME!!!) Not because of me having my son, but by me being no where ready for that type of a relationship. We split up after being together for 4 months. I spent the next year and a half alone just working and raising my son by myself. I then met my husband now and have been together ever since. The point of me sharing my story is this there is hope. DO NOT GIVE UP. Just one day at a time. Or even just 15 minutes. Sometimes just the next minute even. Life ever changing. The beauty of God's love is that it is always there.It never leaves. We may not see it but it is there. Even when we go into the pits of Hell. He is by our side. I hope that by telling my story that I have helped even ONE person. Thanks to everyone for allowing this to happen because everyone story can help atleast one person not give up.
Heather

Last edited by CarolD; 01-21-2009 at 03:08 AM. Reason: Title Corrected
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