Sixtyfour/ My Story
 

Sixtyfour, my recovery

This is my life long recovery. I've been free from the death grip of alcohol for about 3 years now. I still struggle daily with mental illness; however, I no longer feel any desire to drink. I've been tested these last few years, and recently experienced a beravement that triggered my old broken coping mechanism. For a fleeting moment I thought that the only way to escape the pain was to drink - a terrifying thought after so long sober. Like the thought of suicide, I quickly dismissed this as a non-option and instead I greived.

Unlike a lot of people in recovery, I have no faith or belief in the reality of a benevolent god. For me, my agnosticism and atheism have been an uncomfortable reality. I cannot reconcile my logic and life experience with my desire to have a personal God who protects me and those I love and all that is good in the world. I feel I have a spiritual sickness, but I only know what is good and what is bad and so I live my life according to those principles. I understand now that for me alcohol use is an evil act and therefore one that I cannot commit. My focus in life is to share as much love and compassion as I can, especially to those beings who can't help or speak for themselves. I transform my pain into love.

For anyone reading this please know that, even if you don't believe in God, you can still choose life without alcohol. Please take advice and wisdom from where ever you can find it and leave what doesn't help or doesn't feel right to you. Life is still hard sober, but alcohol use can only add more pain and rob you of experiencing the moments of beauty, joy and peace that make life worth fighting for.

Trust yourself that you can survive this: you have the power to change your life by never consuming alcohol again. So many of us here from all walks of life have done it and continue to do it and you can too! Peace to you.
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