Talkinandwalkin

I was taking refuge in a church restroom on a Saturday night a little over a year ago while my family was attending service in the sanctuary. I excused myself from the service due to the fact that I could not pay attention as I was thinking about where I would stop to get a bottle on the way home. I was splashing water on my face to keep the cold sweats away while I was thinking about my predicament. I was not a Christian and was attending church out of a hypocritical show.
Over the course of a couple of years I had gradually become a nightly blackout drinker. I would start drinking after my kids went to bed around 8 until 1 am. Roughly a 1/3 to a 1/2 bottle of vodka a night. I actually managed to run a successful consulting business doing this for years until I entered the chronic stage.
The day after Xmas 2014 I woke up and went about the usual routine of opening presents and putting together Lego sets when I broke out in a sweat. My blood pressure was spiking at around 190 and I had this crazy sense of doom that I was going to die any minute. Thinking I was having a heart attack I went to the emergency room. The doctors there said my heart attack like symptoms we're related to having high blood pressure. I had no idea at the time but I had just experienced my first full on withdrawal. I vowed to quit smoking and live healthier. Every couple of weeks though the symptoms would come back again after drinking every night. I also noticed in the mornings I still felt slightly drunk and the withdrawals would start like clockwork after the booze wore off around noon or so. I finally figured out I was an alcoholic after searching on the Internet for what my ailment could be. This was actually how clueless I was about alcoholism. In my mind I could not possibly be a drunk as I lived in a nice neighborhood, drove nice cars, kids going to great schools and had a good standard of living. Drunks were under the bridge with a paper bag.
That was the situation I found myself in the church restroom. I stopped splashing water on my face and said lord please help me! I heard this booming voice say you are done! It was so loud I was shocked! I opened the restroom door to see if anyone else heard it. I was shocked no one was staring at me! I found my way back to my family and knew that was the beginning of the end and I would quit drinking. I swear I am a completely sane individual and this was exactly what happened!
I quit drinking one night without seeing a doctor, rehab or AA. I said earlier I was less than brillant and I meant it. The first night was scary. I actually thought I could see the air move into shapes in my home. I was a 6' - 200 lb male who was hiding under the covers, afraid of who knows what, blood pressure spiking at 190, chest pain and abdominal pain. The next day I saw my doctor and got a 1 week prescription of Xanax and was honest with him. I had blood tests done that of course came back with abnormal liver functions and horrible health across the board. I took the Xanax at night to sleep. After a week passed I never took Xanax again. I started walking every day, eating raw vegetables and drinking mineral water. Over the course of 4 -6months I managed to drop 35 lbs, have blood pressure of 125 and perfect blood work including liver functions. The slowest to come back was brain function. I suffered memory issues with occasional anxiety until probably 9-10 months. I would say it probably took me all of a year to get back to mental and physical health.
Somewhere along the path I realized the reason I always drank to relax or celebrate was due to the example of the adults I grew up with. Alcohol and drugs were always used by them as a reward for hard work or hard times. They started giving me alcohol and drugs at a young age and I followed example all through my life. Seriously though who gives a kid drugs and alcohol! PBR became Grey Goose as I was more monetarily successful in my life. The end result was always the same.
What helped me most of all was reading the bible, prayer, physical activity, nutrition and spending time with kids. For the first time in my life I would see things on their level and just exist throwing a baseball or riding bikes together. No judgement just hanging out. I thought ,if I could go back in time ,what would I say and how would I treat myself at 8 years old? Those are the things I started doing with my kids and the things I said to them. Even though my brain was screwed up oddly I knew exactly what to do and what to say! Also after a year I no longer cared about money the same. Oddly enough now that I no longer care I am actually more successful financially than I ever was!
By the grace of the lord I was saved! If you are reading this I am saying a prayer for you too!