My story-country girl
 

I was born in connecticut to an Air Force family. We moved around the country once or twice a year. I don't have friends from when I was little because I knew we would leave shortly after I bonded with them. My dad was a beer drinker. He was hard to please. I was never good enough, smart enough, he was always calling me selfish and would belittle me. My parents separated when I was 8 and I would spend the weekends w my drunk dad and take out my aggravation on my mother during the week. Ever since I was little I wanted to be a scientist, a paleontologist specifically. That didn't fly in 7th grade and I was bullied for two years straight. In order to keep the few friends I had, I bad mouthed a girl to another, got caught and the bullying got worse. My self esteem was shot. I hated school. At 15 I had my first drunk. Shortly after I discovered pot. By 18 I was dropping acid. I would do anything to feel accepted. I graduated high school settling into the field of animal care. I dated an abusive alcoholic. When he was shipped to rehab he told me I had a drinking problem too. I went to my first AA meeting and got drunk afterwards. I was fine. I was too young to have a problem. I couldn't find a happy place in my life. I dated one guy after the other, dated girls one after the other and finally met my soulmate. We were going to marry and move to massachusetts. He was killed in a car wreck. Devastated, I found the rave scene. And ecstacy, cocaine, ketamine and anything I could get my hands on to not be me. When I found myself smoking glass out of a lightbulb in Ohio, I moved back to jersey and got a job as an alarm tech that drug tested. I drank beer. For four years. I quit that job to take another electrical job because I wanted to smoke pot again. Then mushrooms. It was all natural right? I changed cars, boyfriends and houses in an attempt to get happy...but couldn't find it. In 2007 I sobered up to be pregnant and have my daughter. The beer was in my hand the second I left the hospital. Her father became controlling and abusive. My drinking increased and I added painkillers to the mix. I left her father and settled into a heavy depression. I wanted to die. Her happy little face kept me going. I moved to pennsylvania and started AA again. I made it one month and decided I was cured. I felt I was a god at work and I could show up when I wanted and mouth off to my bosses. Well....god got fired. I met my current boyfriend and moved in with him. He drank more than I did so it made me look better. Out of work and unhirable, I started learning about bodywork, reiki. In order to be reiki certified I had to quit drinking for 2 weeks. I couldn't do it. I couldn't get more than 2 days. I found this site. It didn't work at first but I love to read those first posts. I knew I needed help. I spent the next year as a conscious drinker. I tried to moderate every night and continuously failed. September 2014 I made it two weeks using this site alone. I messed up one night and got a plan. A friend on here suggested I take my beer money and donate it to a good cause. I started AA. My sobriety date is September 28, 2014. The place I donated to is an environmental education facility that houses birds of prey. Those birds are my life now. I started college and am a straight A student. I have a job now. I'm slowly learning how to live.
I took every suggestion very seriously. I slept a lot in the beginning. I was healing. I ate what I wanted and I had to read at night to quiet my mind. I lived one day at a time and hit a meeting at least 5 days a week in the beginning. I was on this site everyday trying to help the next person. I write a gratitude list almost everyday. I have made myself available to help the next person. That is the most important thing because I could not have gotten this far without the help of the people on here and the people of AA. I have friends now. Real friends. I have a sponsor who is also my closest friend. I love the changes that have happened and life IS worth living. My self esteem is back and I can hold a conversation with people again. I remind myself daily that I am an alcoholic and try very hard to be conscious of my actions. Thank you to everyone who has helped me. Xoxo

Jennifer