My Story - Nancy Lee
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Upstate NY, in the Adirondacks
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My Story - Nancy Lee
Morning,
I have three years sober today. When I quit drinking, I took it off the table as an option - forever. Like an allergy to peanuts, I cannot drink wine or it will kill me. I wasn't a bum, I wasn't in jail, I didn't lose anything substantial, but it was killing me nonetheless. I ran a dog rescue, and the last month I drank I had 28 rescue dogs at my house, my husband hated me, I lost 9 puppies from distemper, and the pain was so bad, i wanted to die. I knew, KNEW, I needed to get away from the stress of the dog rescue to get sober, and my husband was having none of it. Understandable. I created that monster, I had to finish it. I would drink wine every night and go downstairs, and lie on the laundry room floor, terrified that I would die from this. I didn't know how to quit. The anxiety in my chest was so hot, the only thing that put it out was those first few gulps of wine. I had gone to a rehab the previous year and fled, terrified, within 12 hours. This time, I knew if I went away, I had to stay. No matter what. Because it was that or die. My soul was dead, my memory was shot, I was foggy all of the time, I was blacking out every night. Still...I worked full time and ran a dog rescue. Functioned. Ha!!!!!
I think the key to success in getting sober is the willingness to do whatever it takes. I see person after person, including myself for the year I tried to get sober, say, "I can't miss that party, it's so important," or "I can't go to rehab, I have kids. I have no time." Yes, we have obligations. But if we don't get sober, we will lose our time in different, and much more painful ways. For me, my husband finally saw how bad I was, drinking one or two bottles of wine a night, and gave me the gift of time. Told me he would care for the dogs, and I went to a carefully chosen rehab (this time!) for 11 days.
I wanted to get sober badly enough that I was willing to do whatever it took. I got there, said, "I will never drink again," and did do whatever it took. I sat next to crack addicts and shared dinner and stories. I sat with teenage heroin addicts and listened to them, and told them my travails. A few times, other patients thought I was the counselor, and asked me when we were starting! I would laugh, and say, "I am an addict, just like you, friend," even though I was obviously not the typical rehab patient in that rehab.
I didn't care. I was given the gift of time and peace, and I used it. I was put on Lexapro and Campral before I went, and I took them religiously. I got my mind back at around day 8, and saw what I was doing to myself. I did whatever they told me that made sense, and those 11 days were the start of saving my life.
Then I came home. I took a lot of time to just relax. I was on a site I use for sobriety, womenforsobriety.org, a LOT!!! I attended morning and evening chats. I came here and read, read, read. I started pottery lessons and watercolor lessons. Art became my obsession. I never knew I was an artist, but I was finding my artistic soul. I did go to AA meetings for a month or so, then stopped, because they were so disturbing much of the time. And I lost friends. Most of them. All of the drinkers. I couldn't be with drinking in the beginning and some of them didn't understand. What are you going to do? Hang out with people who are drinking while you are in early sobriety? That is not smart. So I lost friends. I learned to be alone. And like it. I watched all of The Tudors those first few weeks. Really treated myself like I was recovering from a life threatening illness. Which I was.
And sobriety is the number one priority in my life. Anything that threatens it has to go. I told my husband in early sobriety that if he threatened my sobriety (and he did - he had some PTSD from 9/11 and some anger issues) that he would go. And he would have. I almost divorced him 30 times my first year, and only the wise women on here who told me to look at myself for health kept me balanced. Same thing with my job. No sudden changes. And I gave up dog rescue. It breaks my heart to not do it much anymore, but it had been killing me. Emotionally and financially. And amazingly, many, many other people have stepped into rescue. I wasn't the only person in the world who could do it. Many others do it now.
I still take that advice about waiting to make changes to heart. I have a PAUSE button now. I am an artist. I am looking into learning alternative healing. I am taking Reiki training this week. I make quilts, jewelry, pottery, creating something out of something raw. I have a good marriage again. I am spiritual and feel an incredibly strong connection to nature, which I always have, but lost when I was drinking. I love life!! I can handle when my kids disappoint me. When things happen. I never even think of drinking as an alternative. Why would I? I can never drink again.
So this has been my story. What I did won't work for everyone. Not everyone has 28 dogs and needs to get away to hear herself think. Many women can get sober using the statements of WFS and these boards. Many have. But when you ask the people on my recovery site or this board how the heck to get sober, the answer, in my view, is easy: it has to be the most important thing in your life. No exceptions. And you have to be willing to do whatever it takes, no matter what comes up.
Peace,
Nancy Lee
I have three years sober today. When I quit drinking, I took it off the table as an option - forever. Like an allergy to peanuts, I cannot drink wine or it will kill me. I wasn't a bum, I wasn't in jail, I didn't lose anything substantial, but it was killing me nonetheless. I ran a dog rescue, and the last month I drank I had 28 rescue dogs at my house, my husband hated me, I lost 9 puppies from distemper, and the pain was so bad, i wanted to die. I knew, KNEW, I needed to get away from the stress of the dog rescue to get sober, and my husband was having none of it. Understandable. I created that monster, I had to finish it. I would drink wine every night and go downstairs, and lie on the laundry room floor, terrified that I would die from this. I didn't know how to quit. The anxiety in my chest was so hot, the only thing that put it out was those first few gulps of wine. I had gone to a rehab the previous year and fled, terrified, within 12 hours. This time, I knew if I went away, I had to stay. No matter what. Because it was that or die. My soul was dead, my memory was shot, I was foggy all of the time, I was blacking out every night. Still...I worked full time and ran a dog rescue. Functioned. Ha!!!!!
I think the key to success in getting sober is the willingness to do whatever it takes. I see person after person, including myself for the year I tried to get sober, say, "I can't miss that party, it's so important," or "I can't go to rehab, I have kids. I have no time." Yes, we have obligations. But if we don't get sober, we will lose our time in different, and much more painful ways. For me, my husband finally saw how bad I was, drinking one or two bottles of wine a night, and gave me the gift of time. Told me he would care for the dogs, and I went to a carefully chosen rehab (this time!) for 11 days.
I wanted to get sober badly enough that I was willing to do whatever it took. I got there, said, "I will never drink again," and did do whatever it took. I sat next to crack addicts and shared dinner and stories. I sat with teenage heroin addicts and listened to them, and told them my travails. A few times, other patients thought I was the counselor, and asked me when we were starting! I would laugh, and say, "I am an addict, just like you, friend," even though I was obviously not the typical rehab patient in that rehab.
I didn't care. I was given the gift of time and peace, and I used it. I was put on Lexapro and Campral before I went, and I took them religiously. I got my mind back at around day 8, and saw what I was doing to myself. I did whatever they told me that made sense, and those 11 days were the start of saving my life.
Then I came home. I took a lot of time to just relax. I was on a site I use for sobriety, womenforsobriety.org, a LOT!!! I attended morning and evening chats. I came here and read, read, read. I started pottery lessons and watercolor lessons. Art became my obsession. I never knew I was an artist, but I was finding my artistic soul. I did go to AA meetings for a month or so, then stopped, because they were so disturbing much of the time. And I lost friends. Most of them. All of the drinkers. I couldn't be with drinking in the beginning and some of them didn't understand. What are you going to do? Hang out with people who are drinking while you are in early sobriety? That is not smart. So I lost friends. I learned to be alone. And like it. I watched all of The Tudors those first few weeks. Really treated myself like I was recovering from a life threatening illness. Which I was.
And sobriety is the number one priority in my life. Anything that threatens it has to go. I told my husband in early sobriety that if he threatened my sobriety (and he did - he had some PTSD from 9/11 and some anger issues) that he would go. And he would have. I almost divorced him 30 times my first year, and only the wise women on here who told me to look at myself for health kept me balanced. Same thing with my job. No sudden changes. And I gave up dog rescue. It breaks my heart to not do it much anymore, but it had been killing me. Emotionally and financially. And amazingly, many, many other people have stepped into rescue. I wasn't the only person in the world who could do it. Many others do it now.
I still take that advice about waiting to make changes to heart. I have a PAUSE button now. I am an artist. I am looking into learning alternative healing. I am taking Reiki training this week. I make quilts, jewelry, pottery, creating something out of something raw. I have a good marriage again. I am spiritual and feel an incredibly strong connection to nature, which I always have, but lost when I was drinking. I love life!! I can handle when my kids disappoint me. When things happen. I never even think of drinking as an alternative. Why would I? I can never drink again.
So this has been my story. What I did won't work for everyone. Not everyone has 28 dogs and needs to get away to hear herself think. Many women can get sober using the statements of WFS and these boards. Many have. But when you ask the people on my recovery site or this board how the heck to get sober, the answer, in my view, is easy: it has to be the most important thing in your life. No exceptions. And you have to be willing to do whatever it takes, no matter what comes up.
Peace,
Nancy Lee
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