FlyerFan - My Story
Peace, Love, Sobriety
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 1,549
FlyerFan - My Story
Finally got enough sober time to write my story! Whoo hoo! So here it goes!
WHAT IT WAS LIKE
Looking back now, I realize that I have been different all my life. Even though I did not start drinking until my late teens, I always felt that something was not quite right in my life. Ever since I can remember, being 3, 4, 5 years old I felt different. Isolated, alone, etc. Which never made any sense to me back in those days because I had a great family life. Presently, this makes sense to me, because I was born an alcoholic, I just did not know it!
Anyway, despite having a good family life, I had a very painful childhood. Without going into specific details, I was bullied, harassed, ignored by other kids. I never made any friends, as hard as I tried, I just could never seem to. This made my early pre-teen and teenage years a literal living hell. In addition to all of the natural hormone changes and angst, I was EXTREMELY depressed far beyond normal teenage depression.
Somewhere around age 17 I met a 21 year old guy and we began dating. (yes, my mother approved of this, lol) Because he was old enough to drink it in turn introduced me to alcohol. And so began the greatest friendship of my life. Jack Daniels and I hit it off right away. He took away all of that pain and loneliness and depression.
In the beginning I was a lite, social drinker. I guess we all start out that way. And then I turned 21 and was able to purchase my own. I no longer had to bribe guys, or beg borrow and steal to get my booze. Now I could just walk right into the store and get anything I wanted. Sadly this is what I did for the next 3 years of my life. I neglected bills, I ran up credit cards, I put myself about 15,000$ in debt, all because of alcohol.
Physically I was entirely dependent. I started drinking at 9 a.m. and kept on until I passed out every single night. Somehow I manged to keep my job, I'm not sure how I managed this one, but its probably because I have a desk job and could hide most of my behaviors behind my computer monitor!
WHAT HAPPENED
Sometime around October of 2011 I decided that I might have a drinking problem, so I was told to try and quit for 30 days and see how I felt. This I did with no problem, so naturally I thought "I'm not an alcoholic, I can handle it now!" and this began my last and worst downward spiral in all of my drinking career. By Christmas I was just a wreck, I drank 24/7 and hid from my family. My boyfriend (who, by the grace of God is still with me today!) began to make comments to me about my drinking, but he never pushed it too far.
A week after Christmas I had my very last drunk. I drank so much that I got sick, and after I got sick I proceeded to drink some more. I truly believe that I was trying to kill myself with alcohol poisoning, just to end all of the pain. It was a horrible, horrible experience.
I do not remember the next details, my boyfriend filled me in on them the next day. I apparently grabbed the car keys and headed down the apartment stairs, 3 flights of stairs to be exact, and I fell head first down 2 of them. I somehow miraculously got up without anything broken or bleeding, and he brought me back inside our apartment. And I began to cry. And he said "you have a serious problem with alcohol, and you need to get some help, it hurts to see you like this"
The look of pain on his face at that moment I will never forget. I never want to cause anyone that amount of pain ever again.
The next day I went to my first AA meeting. As much as I didn't want to go, I forced myself. I forced myself for 3 months go to go AA meetings, even though I hated them.
WHAT IT IS LIKE NOW
Eventually I started to like those meetings, even love them. Now I look forward to going to them, 3-4 times per week. I have made true friends in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Today I live one day at a time, and I pray every single day and thank God for being alive. I have healthy relationships today, and I am no longer angry at the world!
I hope if there is someone out there who is new, in pain, and struggling, that something in my story gives you some hope and strength. Thank you for letting me share my story.
WHAT IT WAS LIKE
Looking back now, I realize that I have been different all my life. Even though I did not start drinking until my late teens, I always felt that something was not quite right in my life. Ever since I can remember, being 3, 4, 5 years old I felt different. Isolated, alone, etc. Which never made any sense to me back in those days because I had a great family life. Presently, this makes sense to me, because I was born an alcoholic, I just did not know it!
Anyway, despite having a good family life, I had a very painful childhood. Without going into specific details, I was bullied, harassed, ignored by other kids. I never made any friends, as hard as I tried, I just could never seem to. This made my early pre-teen and teenage years a literal living hell. In addition to all of the natural hormone changes and angst, I was EXTREMELY depressed far beyond normal teenage depression.
Somewhere around age 17 I met a 21 year old guy and we began dating. (yes, my mother approved of this, lol) Because he was old enough to drink it in turn introduced me to alcohol. And so began the greatest friendship of my life. Jack Daniels and I hit it off right away. He took away all of that pain and loneliness and depression.
In the beginning I was a lite, social drinker. I guess we all start out that way. And then I turned 21 and was able to purchase my own. I no longer had to bribe guys, or beg borrow and steal to get my booze. Now I could just walk right into the store and get anything I wanted. Sadly this is what I did for the next 3 years of my life. I neglected bills, I ran up credit cards, I put myself about 15,000$ in debt, all because of alcohol.
Physically I was entirely dependent. I started drinking at 9 a.m. and kept on until I passed out every single night. Somehow I manged to keep my job, I'm not sure how I managed this one, but its probably because I have a desk job and could hide most of my behaviors behind my computer monitor!
WHAT HAPPENED
Sometime around October of 2011 I decided that I might have a drinking problem, so I was told to try and quit for 30 days and see how I felt. This I did with no problem, so naturally I thought "I'm not an alcoholic, I can handle it now!" and this began my last and worst downward spiral in all of my drinking career. By Christmas I was just a wreck, I drank 24/7 and hid from my family. My boyfriend (who, by the grace of God is still with me today!) began to make comments to me about my drinking, but he never pushed it too far.
A week after Christmas I had my very last drunk. I drank so much that I got sick, and after I got sick I proceeded to drink some more. I truly believe that I was trying to kill myself with alcohol poisoning, just to end all of the pain. It was a horrible, horrible experience.
I do not remember the next details, my boyfriend filled me in on them the next day. I apparently grabbed the car keys and headed down the apartment stairs, 3 flights of stairs to be exact, and I fell head first down 2 of them. I somehow miraculously got up without anything broken or bleeding, and he brought me back inside our apartment. And I began to cry. And he said "you have a serious problem with alcohol, and you need to get some help, it hurts to see you like this"
The look of pain on his face at that moment I will never forget. I never want to cause anyone that amount of pain ever again.
The next day I went to my first AA meeting. As much as I didn't want to go, I forced myself. I forced myself for 3 months go to go AA meetings, even though I hated them.
WHAT IT IS LIKE NOW
Eventually I started to like those meetings, even love them. Now I look forward to going to them, 3-4 times per week. I have made true friends in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Today I live one day at a time, and I pray every single day and thank God for being alive. I have healthy relationships today, and I am no longer angry at the world!
I hope if there is someone out there who is new, in pain, and struggling, that something in my story gives you some hope and strength. Thank you for letting me share my story.
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