Mo S My Story

Old 02-27-2012, 10:00 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Sarasota FL
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Smile Mo S My Story

I'll try to do the best I can with keeping it concise, brief (lol) and to the point:

My sobriety date is December 12, 1984. I don't say this to impress anyone. I say it as evidence that the all tools and resources to recovery, used out of desperation, do work.

I first drank at a very early age. My brother (my first best friend) and I at 8 or 9 would climb up onto the washing machine to reach the liquor cabinet. It was that warm, fuzzy feeling and it tasted good too.

I graduated in my early teens to drinking at home parties. My first real drunk I threw up all over some guys lap, blacked out and woke up the next day in my bed with a horrible hangover. I said I will never do that again....thats where my drinking and drug use STARTED. Needless to say two weeks later I did it all over again. Flash forward and I am 19 years old: stealing from work to support my partying, LYING ALL THE TIME about who I was and what I didnt stand for. I graduated as an underachiever at high school. I majored in art and managed to get an F the last symester. The teacher threw out my portfolio she was so disgusted by my behavior of skipping class and basically not giving a s*it. I used more and more and but there werent anymore "shiney happy" feelings. I wasnt getting "high" anymore. I was getting "low" when I drank. So low that I tried to kill myself with an overdose of pills one night. I couldnt even commmitt suicide correctly....I was desparate to escape. Alcohol no longer worked for that.

I came thru the back door when my brother (we are very close to this day) tried to kill himself and was sent to treatment out of state. He was 17. They asked the family to come for the usual family "stuff" and i was confronted about my drinking and drug usage. I broke down, listened, and went to outpatient treatment. That began my journey to AA membership and continuous sobriety. I was a child in an adult's body and the people in AA recognized that and took me under their wings. Not only did they sponsor me, pick me up for meetings, and take me out for coffeee: They employed me, gave me a bed to sleep in when i had none , they fed me, they even paid for me to go to the dentist. They broke every rule in the book and loved me the way no one ever had before. And it worked. Today I love myself and its only because of all the people in AA, professionals,etc., that gave a hoot about me when I couldnt. I even has an "AA Godfather and Godmother".

The first 5 years of my sobriety were bliss: hanging out wiith AA friends my age, going to 10 meetings a week, AA dances and conventions, making coffee at a meeting for 9 months straight (not by choice), working the steps and tradtions the best I could with a sponsor (had more than a few of those.)

Then at 5 1/2 years sober: I had a complete nervous breakdown and started dealing with the true core issues of my soul that had facilitated much of my drinking. There was all sorts of mental health problems, family abuse, insecurity, and self esteem issues. That began a rocky road of therapy (and speaking incoherent gibberish when i shared at meetings). They say it takes 5 years to get your marbles back and another 5 to learn how to use 'em. It took about that long. The only thing in my favor is the compulsion to drink had been lifted from me from day one.....and I continued to suck air and believe people when they told me it would get better. And it did.

Today I am a thoughtful and loving person because AA and my sponsors taught me how to be that way. I am not self destructive. I don't intentionally say things to hurt people. I assess my behavior on a daily basis because the steps taught me how. I change something when it needs to be changed - I am not a victim of my feeliings, my past,present, or future.

My brother stayed sober for 9 years and went back out. I stood by him that whole time because I loved him. I was given the gift of recieving the call 8 years later when I was the first person he reached out to in a suicidal state. I told him to go to a meeting. He went. He is still sober 10 years later and still my best friend. We went thru a war together. Feel free to read between the lines.

I have been on a spiritual journey in search of a HP since the beginning. What I finally found that works for me is the power of Love. Because it saved me from day one and now I can pass that on.

All I truly have at this moment is: this moment. Only because I am sober I get to CHOOSE how I will spend this and every moment. I am not chained by addiction, regret, self will or anger.

I am living out a dream. I live in a beach town in FL painting ocean landscapes. I don't deal well with stress lol.

I was once told sobriety is a like a present : "Some people will open it, accept it and use it. Others will store it on a shelf or throw it away. We are all offered the gift of recovery - what will you do with it?"

Mo S
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