Bob's Story
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 10
Bob's Story
My name is Bob and I am an addict.
The first time i used drugs I was 13 years old. I was walking to the store with a friend of mine to play video games and on the way he gave me a little peice of paper and said to put it under my tongue. I did'nt question him I just did it. About an hour later I was on my first of many LSD trips. I was scared at first becauce I forgot about that peice of paper and everything was getting real weird around me. He calmed me down and told me what it was, After a momen I remember thinking that it was pretty cool. It changed the whole world!!!
And that is exactly what I was looking for. I was always trying to escape the pain of growing up. I was very tall and very skinny, so I was a natural target for bullies in school and girls certainly did'nt like me. My parents had just gotten divorced and I was molested by a man while selling flowers to people in passing cars on a street corner. My parents were so wrapped up in thier battles that i was just kida forgotten about, so I just let it happen so I could at least feel some kind of love.
I was always looking for an escape wether it was sitting around dreaming of when i get older and can have all the things i want like nice jewelry or electronics or any number of things. When the fantasy did'nt work anymore I found video games. My first addiction. When i played a game I was in another world. I could always be found at the corner store playing video games with money i stole from anywhere i could find it.
Until the day my "friend" dosed me. I rember thinking "this is it" This will fix everything. From that moment on my life revolved around getting and using and finding ways and means to get more. And I did'nt stop with LSD, I got into pot and drinking and all kinds of pills. I found the stoner crowd at school and fit in right away. I could'nt believe it, Not only could i escape from the hell that was my life I actually fit in somwhere. It did'nt take me long to stop going to school altogether and hang out getting high full time. I continued this way till I was 29.
At 29 I was just ending my first marriage and moved back to philadelphia. My using was still outta control but i was finally seeing it for what it was. My using was destroying all the relationships in my life, I could'nt hold a job and was getting more insane by the day. Then one day I had enough, I laid down in bed and cut both of my wrists. I fell asleep with blood hitting the ceiling of my room. I should have died but I woke up a few hours later and my mother took me to the hospital. My using progressed to shooting cocaine on a regular basis so when I was in the ER the nurses saw my tracks. The doctors told me I was either going to volintarily go the the mental hospital or they were going to commit me. I went volintarily. It was there that I first found Narcotics Anonymous. After the hospital I went to rehab. I completed the program and stayed clean...For five months.
The next six years were a blur of drugs, psych wards, emergency rooms and bad relationships dotted with brief periods of clean time. 30 days here 60 days there but no real recovery or desire for it. I was now 35 years old, Trying to get out of another very bad relationship, hooked on heroin and crack cocaine and saw no reason to continue living. I had tried suicide before, pretty serious attempts but always thought that god kept me alive to punish me. I could'nt take it anymore so I stole a friends bottle of ativan and ate the whole thing. 90 pills should do it.
The last thing I remember is sitting down to write my suicide note. The next thing I know is I am waking up in a strange bed. Nothing new for me but this was different. after a minute of waiting for my eyes to adjust to the lite I realised I was in a psych ward again. I found the bathroom so i could releave myself and looked in the mirror. I did'nt recognise the face looking back at me. My hair was very long and wild, I badly needed a shave and my face was bruised and cut and bloody. It was then that i realised that this has to stop. I had said it many times before but this was diferent, I felt it in my heart, I just could'nt do it anymore.
After talking to the nurses on the ward I found out that I was aressted for DUI while in the blackout. I had hit two cars and the a cop car. They told me that when i was released from jail that I checked myself into the hospital. I don't remember any of it. I thank god that i did'nt hurt or kill anyone while driving around that night. When I asked what day it was they told me it was tuesday. I could'nt believe it, I took the pills saturday night. I have no idea what happened during that time and did'nt find out till later that I got in touch with someone in the program after getting released from jail and he took me to the hospital.
That was 18 months ago, I am still staying clean one day at a time. I am involed with a homegroup and area service. I also work for a painter who hires only recovering addicts and has recently become my sponcer. I go to meetings regularly and am in a step study group. I do whatever it takes to stay clean. If i don't I know I will die. I owe everything to this program and thank god everyday for it.
The first time i used drugs I was 13 years old. I was walking to the store with a friend of mine to play video games and on the way he gave me a little peice of paper and said to put it under my tongue. I did'nt question him I just did it. About an hour later I was on my first of many LSD trips. I was scared at first becauce I forgot about that peice of paper and everything was getting real weird around me. He calmed me down and told me what it was, After a momen I remember thinking that it was pretty cool. It changed the whole world!!!
And that is exactly what I was looking for. I was always trying to escape the pain of growing up. I was very tall and very skinny, so I was a natural target for bullies in school and girls certainly did'nt like me. My parents had just gotten divorced and I was molested by a man while selling flowers to people in passing cars on a street corner. My parents were so wrapped up in thier battles that i was just kida forgotten about, so I just let it happen so I could at least feel some kind of love.
I was always looking for an escape wether it was sitting around dreaming of when i get older and can have all the things i want like nice jewelry or electronics or any number of things. When the fantasy did'nt work anymore I found video games. My first addiction. When i played a game I was in another world. I could always be found at the corner store playing video games with money i stole from anywhere i could find it.
Until the day my "friend" dosed me. I rember thinking "this is it" This will fix everything. From that moment on my life revolved around getting and using and finding ways and means to get more. And I did'nt stop with LSD, I got into pot and drinking and all kinds of pills. I found the stoner crowd at school and fit in right away. I could'nt believe it, Not only could i escape from the hell that was my life I actually fit in somwhere. It did'nt take me long to stop going to school altogether and hang out getting high full time. I continued this way till I was 29.
At 29 I was just ending my first marriage and moved back to philadelphia. My using was still outta control but i was finally seeing it for what it was. My using was destroying all the relationships in my life, I could'nt hold a job and was getting more insane by the day. Then one day I had enough, I laid down in bed and cut both of my wrists. I fell asleep with blood hitting the ceiling of my room. I should have died but I woke up a few hours later and my mother took me to the hospital. My using progressed to shooting cocaine on a regular basis so when I was in the ER the nurses saw my tracks. The doctors told me I was either going to volintarily go the the mental hospital or they were going to commit me. I went volintarily. It was there that I first found Narcotics Anonymous. After the hospital I went to rehab. I completed the program and stayed clean...For five months.
The next six years were a blur of drugs, psych wards, emergency rooms and bad relationships dotted with brief periods of clean time. 30 days here 60 days there but no real recovery or desire for it. I was now 35 years old, Trying to get out of another very bad relationship, hooked on heroin and crack cocaine and saw no reason to continue living. I had tried suicide before, pretty serious attempts but always thought that god kept me alive to punish me. I could'nt take it anymore so I stole a friends bottle of ativan and ate the whole thing. 90 pills should do it.
The last thing I remember is sitting down to write my suicide note. The next thing I know is I am waking up in a strange bed. Nothing new for me but this was different. after a minute of waiting for my eyes to adjust to the lite I realised I was in a psych ward again. I found the bathroom so i could releave myself and looked in the mirror. I did'nt recognise the face looking back at me. My hair was very long and wild, I badly needed a shave and my face was bruised and cut and bloody. It was then that i realised that this has to stop. I had said it many times before but this was diferent, I felt it in my heart, I just could'nt do it anymore.
After talking to the nurses on the ward I found out that I was aressted for DUI while in the blackout. I had hit two cars and the a cop car. They told me that when i was released from jail that I checked myself into the hospital. I don't remember any of it. I thank god that i did'nt hurt or kill anyone while driving around that night. When I asked what day it was they told me it was tuesday. I could'nt believe it, I took the pills saturday night. I have no idea what happened during that time and did'nt find out till later that I got in touch with someone in the program after getting released from jail and he took me to the hospital.
That was 18 months ago, I am still staying clean one day at a time. I am involed with a homegroup and area service. I also work for a painter who hires only recovering addicts and has recently become my sponcer. I go to meetings regularly and am in a step study group. I do whatever it takes to stay clean. If i don't I know I will die. I owe everything to this program and thank god everyday for it.
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