AvieG

Born April 1954, to an alcoholic mother. Born an alcoholic?? I dunno, but I am told that in those days, the midwife recommended that mum rub brandy onto her nipples to toughen them up for breast feeding. I think my alcoholism was started right there!!!

My drunkalogue is WAY too long to post here, but I remember sipping from mum's glass from a very early age (around 5 or 6 years old!!!)
First drink for the wrong reasons at age of 12, when I was gang raped, and since sex was NEVER mentioned in our home, I couldn't tell anyone, BUT I intuitively KNEW that a quick sniffter of sherry from our drinks cabinet would help me forget, help me to block out the feelings I had.
I had ONE tumbler full, and it felt SO GOOD - I had another!!! I slept like a baby, no bad dreams, no feelings, just total oblivion.

I had found something to help me cope wth life.

All my lifeI never felt I belonged anywhere. I started stealing from school, and got myself expelled aged 15. Met a biker, married him at age 20, I remember NOT wanting to go through with it, but went ahead with the wedding because I wanted to leave home to get away from my mother's drinking which had escalated.

Had a daughter, got divorced, drank a lot more, in and out of many sick relationships, had another child to an alcoholic. Got on the wrong side of a drug dealer and had to run with two kids at 2am one morning because he actually phoned me and threatened me, so I didn't say home to see if he would carry out his threats!!!! I left the house, and the house caught fire two days later!!!

My 5 years with an alcoholic (father of my youngest girl) was very abusive and violent, police always being called by neighbours when we were fighting in the street. This guy drove me to AL-ANON!!!! LOL

It wasn't long before I left him, and I went to alanon for a while until they sussed me out and pointed me in the direction of AA!!! I fell out with alanon for a long time after this!!! LOL

I occasionally dropped into AA meetings over the next 7 years, sometimes drunk, sometimes not (MOSTLY DRUNK!!) I was disruptive, abusive and swore at them all, 'What do YOU Effing know?? If YOU had MY effing problems................'

Funny how whenever I took a long break from AA (went on a binge!!) I ALWAYS bumped into one of those bloody AA-ers!!! OH HOW I HATED THE LOT OF THEM!!!!!!!

After 7 years in and out (mostly OUT)of AA I became known as 'The Golden Slipper' I still don't know to this day WHAT happened other than one day I was sick of being sick, and went back to meetings.

I was LOVED better by the members there. I STILL hated THEM and their awful meetings, but something told me this was the only place to go. I had tried suicide on three occasions, so I was a failure at life AND death!!!

I stayed DRY for 6 months, then went back out again for a three-day bender, and I finally put the drink down on July 10th 1990. July 11th 1990 is my sober anniversary.

3-weeks into this spell of sobriety, our meeting treasurer threw the money and cash book at me, and said, "I HAVE to leave this week, and I KNOW you are just 3 weeks sober BUT of those here tonight, YOU have been coming the longest, you are now treasurer!!!" I said, "But what if I get drunk again and spend all this money?" and was told, "Well, you won't be the first, nor the last to do that" so that was IT!!!

I HAD to go to meetings, I had been TRUSTED with AA money, and this role kept me sober for a whole year, which was long enough get a sponsor, start work on the steps, and I carried out this role to the best of my ability.

AA had faith in me - I had never had that before.

LOTS of things have happen to me in this life of sobriety, good AND bad. I married AND divorced (for the third time!!!) in sobriety. I became homeless AND declared bankrupt in sobriety. I lost my mum to cancer in sobriety. I had a heart attack aged 42, and had to give up my career in nursing when I injured my back, aged 38. None of which I could have coped with without my Higher Power (GOD=Group Of Drunks) my sponsor/s (my first sponsor drank again after 12 years and is still drinking, four years on - my present sponsor is my fourth) my programme and my meetings.

The GOOD stuff which has happened in sobriety?? I no longer drink in public toilets, no longer chuck up when cleaning my teeth, I aways wake up in a DRY bed, my two daughters have grown up into beautiful happy young women, my eldest is training to be a nurse, my youngest is training to be a horse racing jockey. I laugh a lot today. I have love in my life today, having met another recovering alcoholic in an online AA meeting. He moved from Belgium last year to live wth me, and we have been together three years.

I have always been involved in service of some sort ever since I became treasurer at 3 weeks sober. I believe that service GOT me sober, and I believe it will KEEP me sober - I do service for ME not for AA.

I am currently a 12-stepper, and Public Information Officer for my local Intergroup, a service role I love so much.

I have so many TRUE friends today, both inside AND outside the fellowship, because today I am a GOOD friend. I am a lover of people and a user of things today, the total opposite of what I was in drink.

In material tems, I own less today than I ever have, but I own ME today, and knowing that fills me with such gratitude.

The past six months of my life have be very traumatic emotionally, as my eldest daughter has escaped a violent marriage, and is going through a divorce, and she turned to ME for support!!! IMAGINE THAT!!! The divorce is messy, she has been harassed greatly by her ex, yet I have been sober to support her through it and she is back home with me and my partner.

My 16 year old is now working away from home and I miss her like crazy, but due to me being sober, I was able to support and encourage her in her chosen career, and working with horses is ALL she has ever wanted to do. I have learnt how to love my kids with an open hand, and that has not been easy, but today both my kids tell me, 'I love you mum' at bedtime. My youngest calls me every day from the racing yard, and she is very happy and working hard but loving it.

What price sobriety??? Absolutely PRICELESS!!!!!

I have tears in my eyes as I type this, my gratitude chokes me sometimes. I can never repay what AA has given me. It was given freely,and unconditionally. I only hope and pray that I can give a little bit back, one day at a time, by sharing (the good AND the bad) in meetings and doing what service I can.

I thank God for AA, and I thank AA for God.

Don't leave five minutes before the miracle happens!!!!

Those who have read down to here, Thanx for lettng me share, and for being here on this wonderful site. God Bless You.