seelivemusic - my story
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 20
seelivemusic - my story
I'm 41, male, & have been sober for 21 months. I am the only one in my family with a substance abuse problem & I was the first one among my friends to commit to sobriety. Now there are two of us.
I've been drinking since I was fourteen or so, mostly on weekends but then when I went to boarding school it was good sport to see what we could do on say, a Tuesday. College came & went, I did well both academically & as a NCAA athlete. I had a job before graduated & since I had nobody else to support other than myself I was able to travel, see music, & purchase whatever drugs & alcohol I wanted. In my 20's chemicals just added to the fun & I rarely needed anything beyond hydration the next day. My friends & I did drink to excess & did copious amounts of drugs but since we didn't do it every day or before work everything was peachy.
A week or so before my 30th birthday I broke my shoulder while drunk & on MDMA. All 30th plans were canceled & I holed up with vodka and painkillers. Two months later I stop taking painkillers & wonder why I'm so sick. For the next five years my drinking increases & I begin to take opiates more often than not. I blow out my knee & have surgery. More vodka & painkillers. After FIVE months the doc says no more painkillers, I say fine dude I know where I can get something much better anyway. For the next five years I am a daily drinker & user of heroin. I'm arrested for a DWI on Christmas during this time, should have been a wake up call for me but it wasn't.
Nov '08 - Jan '09 was my bottom. I drank mouthwash early Sunday mornings because the liquor stores were not open & I was withdrawing from heroin. I couldn't get out of bed without something, missed lots of work, stopped showering, stopped shaving, let my hair grow out, stopped calling people. Stopped living. Decided that I had three options: Death, Jail, or Detox. My best friend convinced me to seek help & I went to a 7 day detox, my first & only. I walk out of Detox & into a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. I follow the suggestions, do service work, get a sponsor, keep coming. I don't want to like AA meetings but I do.
Since then I've been to AA meetings in two countries and five states. I've quit smoking & have lost forty pounds. I am clean & smell good. I am present. I am there for others & I've had just about every job in AA. I raise my hand & I speak when asked. I look people in the eye when I talk to them. I attend a minimum of five meetings a week. I look forward to meetings and I learn from them even if its sometimes heart breaking.
Life hasn't been easy. I've had to walk away from my best friend because he is still active. I've had to walk away from two relationships because I couldn't deal with their use. I've had to say no to a newcomer who is really fricking hot because she is in early sobriety. I am not a saint, it has taken much effort not to lie about EVERYTHING. I still think about myself first. I still judge people. Work isn't magically better because I'm sober & I need to find another job. There is traffic, delays on public transportation, and rain.
I am scheduled for surgery next week and I'm terrified about the post op meds I could be rx'd. I work a good program, have been talking about it, and because of AA have a leg to stand on. Another member is picking me up from the hospital who is a nurse and will hold onto my meds. I'm in a much better state of mind and I know that I can get thru this as others before me have been able to.
The fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous is the single most important part of my program. I look forward to the future, to the unknown & not experienced. My recovery is the most important thing in my life and I take the initiative when it comes to my sobriety. Recovery can be difficult, hard, painful but not impossible. One of my favorite AA lines is "Progress rather than perfection." Every day I am sober is a miracle of my life, a miracle that I & my HP made happen. Action is indeed the key.
Thats it for now, hope it was readable for people. I feel better, thanks for allowing me to share my story here.
I've been drinking since I was fourteen or so, mostly on weekends but then when I went to boarding school it was good sport to see what we could do on say, a Tuesday. College came & went, I did well both academically & as a NCAA athlete. I had a job before graduated & since I had nobody else to support other than myself I was able to travel, see music, & purchase whatever drugs & alcohol I wanted. In my 20's chemicals just added to the fun & I rarely needed anything beyond hydration the next day. My friends & I did drink to excess & did copious amounts of drugs but since we didn't do it every day or before work everything was peachy.
A week or so before my 30th birthday I broke my shoulder while drunk & on MDMA. All 30th plans were canceled & I holed up with vodka and painkillers. Two months later I stop taking painkillers & wonder why I'm so sick. For the next five years my drinking increases & I begin to take opiates more often than not. I blow out my knee & have surgery. More vodka & painkillers. After FIVE months the doc says no more painkillers, I say fine dude I know where I can get something much better anyway. For the next five years I am a daily drinker & user of heroin. I'm arrested for a DWI on Christmas during this time, should have been a wake up call for me but it wasn't.
Nov '08 - Jan '09 was my bottom. I drank mouthwash early Sunday mornings because the liquor stores were not open & I was withdrawing from heroin. I couldn't get out of bed without something, missed lots of work, stopped showering, stopped shaving, let my hair grow out, stopped calling people. Stopped living. Decided that I had three options: Death, Jail, or Detox. My best friend convinced me to seek help & I went to a 7 day detox, my first & only. I walk out of Detox & into a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. I follow the suggestions, do service work, get a sponsor, keep coming. I don't want to like AA meetings but I do.
Since then I've been to AA meetings in two countries and five states. I've quit smoking & have lost forty pounds. I am clean & smell good. I am present. I am there for others & I've had just about every job in AA. I raise my hand & I speak when asked. I look people in the eye when I talk to them. I attend a minimum of five meetings a week. I look forward to meetings and I learn from them even if its sometimes heart breaking.
Life hasn't been easy. I've had to walk away from my best friend because he is still active. I've had to walk away from two relationships because I couldn't deal with their use. I've had to say no to a newcomer who is really fricking hot because she is in early sobriety. I am not a saint, it has taken much effort not to lie about EVERYTHING. I still think about myself first. I still judge people. Work isn't magically better because I'm sober & I need to find another job. There is traffic, delays on public transportation, and rain.
I am scheduled for surgery next week and I'm terrified about the post op meds I could be rx'd. I work a good program, have been talking about it, and because of AA have a leg to stand on. Another member is picking me up from the hospital who is a nurse and will hold onto my meds. I'm in a much better state of mind and I know that I can get thru this as others before me have been able to.
The fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous is the single most important part of my program. I look forward to the future, to the unknown & not experienced. My recovery is the most important thing in my life and I take the initiative when it comes to my sobriety. Recovery can be difficult, hard, painful but not impossible. One of my favorite AA lines is "Progress rather than perfection." Every day I am sober is a miracle of my life, a miracle that I & my HP made happen. Action is indeed the key.
Thats it for now, hope it was readable for people. I feel better, thanks for allowing me to share my story here.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
