My Story-Charmie
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: scotland
Posts: 1,493
My Story-Charmie
i will share my story as it is 365 days,one year today since my last drink.
there was booze all around when i was growing up,wine with the sunday lunch at nannas house.mum and dad had a pub at one point,so lots of drinking there.
my mum lost her mum when i was 13,so she hit it.
my dad was a gambler and drinker,and lost the family jewels if you like!
at 13 i had alcohol for the first time for effect at a school disco.i will never forget the feeling.i could be anything i wanted to.
family life wasnt great,but it was important and liberating in step four to just look at my part in things.
at 17 i left home and i couldnt pay the rent,i was out partying all the time and would take anything to get me away from me,to give me confidence,to make me fit in.bit of a cliche really!
i was pregnant (unwanted) by 18 and had been raped at a blues in a very dangerous part of town the next city,somewhere i used to go on my own if there was nobody else to go with me.
alarm bells?
H3LL no,i was enjoying myself right?
i got into a relationship with my daughters father and had my daughter at the age of 19,i found out when i was 6 months pregnant he was an intravenous drug user.
i gave birth to a beautiful little girl and he left me in the hospital with no sign of him for 3 days,my younger sister got the money together to bring me nappies.the money i had saved had all gone up his arm.
we didnt last long,but he was always around,and there was many a time i wish he would die.
at the age of about 22 i met a lovely bloke and we had about 3 great years together.he got on with my daughter and my family liked him,in fact we set up my sister with one of his friends and they are still together,married with 2 georgous children whom i love dearly.
we broke up,my drinking and the illness of alcoholism was aparent.
i went from one disasterous relationship to another,always with folk that could drink like me or drugged.
in 2002 my daughter and i fled my hometown,literally.my uncle came from scotland and collected us.we had 2 bags.after a fortnight i told my mum we were staying (she was up there too)
you guessed it,my alcoholism followed me,and within a very short period came the first suicide attepmt.
that christmas i was under a self imposed ban from alcohol.
it was the worst christmas day of my life,another day i will never forget.i was on the outside looking in.for 2 weeks i was miserable,discontent,unhappy.
i was living with my mum at the time,and it was the same year my daughters father died back in our home town,in my old house.heroin overdose.after a year i got my own house,a local government one,they are low rent.it is in a lovely area,and the neighbours are nice.im still there today.
i met another man nearly 7 years ago.
all my birthdays and christmases had come at once,he drank like i did.
he liked the morning drink.
*****ooooo!
he had a good responsible job too,he must be ok!
things very quickly went from bad to worse,i was drifting around jobs.
my daughter went to live with my sister,she was 12.
i was in and out of hospital.
i wanted to die.i really didnt want to be here.
6 suicide attempts in 2 weeks
the police had to come to my house and remove all sharp objects.
i had cut myself with a butchers meat cleaver.
i was arrested for smashing up a treatment room in black out at the hospital.
i begged them to take me to the loony bin.
they did.
i was in there a week and the lure of my crutch was too strong.
i escaped,i drank,i shaved my hair off.
i got jobs here and there,but always left before i got pushed.
then about 4 years ago,after a refresh i got a real good job.i was to be head cook in a little coffee shop and gift store.
i was a success,,,the locals loved my cooking,and my cakes were a smash!
i enjoyed this for a while,but every night i got home and the obsession was with me in every guise.i was counting my drinks,promsing myself i would stop drinking at a certain time,my money was counted in beer cans.
i had a few mondays off and was pulled up on this,i was black affronted of course!
i got head hunted! yes,me!
a couple of customers were openeing their own place.
i went there.
lasted 6 months.
by this time my eyes were open i was drinking.
i still had my home.
i still had money.
i still had my fella.
i still have my family sorta.
i didnt have my sanity.
i didnt have love.
i didnt have God.
i didnt have cleanliness.
i didnt have friends.
i didnt have a job.
i didnt have respect for myself or others.
i didnt have dignity.
i didnt have humility.
i didnt have confidence.
i couldnt even go in my back garden to hang my washing or put out the rubbish,someone might see me!
i didnt have hope.
i had resigned myself to the fact i was going to die an alcoholic death like my father.
i was with him the day he went to hospital and we never saw him alive again.
i was with him when he lost all his bodily functions.
christmas 2008.
my mum and her husband came to stay.
i was on the biggest bender of my life.
i was paraletic 24/7.
on new years day 2009,we were all together,my mum,her husband and my other half.
i was drunk.
they said to me,wasnt it time to do something about my drinking.
normally i would have flown at them.
what about their drinking??????,i called AA that night.the floodgates opened.
i home detoxed.
i had the screaming heebie jeebies,for 3 days.and got to a meeting on the 3rd of jan.
i wanted this.
i was told go to lots of meetings,call sober folk.
i did,after a month i picked up.i didnt want to drink.there and then it was a sudden realisation.the powerlessness.i needed to find a new power else i wasnt going to survive.
i got a sponsor.a wonderful no-nonsense lady.a ball breaker and very old school.she took me through the steps straight out of the big book.
in this last year i cannot tell you the change.i cannot put it into words.
God has done for me what i couldnt do for myself.
i have FAITH.
i have LOVE.
i have PEACE
i have SERENITY
i have DIGNITY
i have IT ALL.
i had a spiritual awakening as a result of the God given 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
i have a wonderful relationship with God.
the steps,,,what a journey.
its ok today that i am basically a self-seeking,selfish,dishonest and scared person.because today i have a programme thats teaches me the spiritual way of life,so although i am all those things,i can work not to be.
i have LIFE.
ITS WONDERFUL.
there was booze all around when i was growing up,wine with the sunday lunch at nannas house.mum and dad had a pub at one point,so lots of drinking there.
my mum lost her mum when i was 13,so she hit it.
my dad was a gambler and drinker,and lost the family jewels if you like!
at 13 i had alcohol for the first time for effect at a school disco.i will never forget the feeling.i could be anything i wanted to.
family life wasnt great,but it was important and liberating in step four to just look at my part in things.
at 17 i left home and i couldnt pay the rent,i was out partying all the time and would take anything to get me away from me,to give me confidence,to make me fit in.bit of a cliche really!
i was pregnant (unwanted) by 18 and had been raped at a blues in a very dangerous part of town the next city,somewhere i used to go on my own if there was nobody else to go with me.
alarm bells?
H3LL no,i was enjoying myself right?
i got into a relationship with my daughters father and had my daughter at the age of 19,i found out when i was 6 months pregnant he was an intravenous drug user.
i gave birth to a beautiful little girl and he left me in the hospital with no sign of him for 3 days,my younger sister got the money together to bring me nappies.the money i had saved had all gone up his arm.
we didnt last long,but he was always around,and there was many a time i wish he would die.
at the age of about 22 i met a lovely bloke and we had about 3 great years together.he got on with my daughter and my family liked him,in fact we set up my sister with one of his friends and they are still together,married with 2 georgous children whom i love dearly.
we broke up,my drinking and the illness of alcoholism was aparent.
i went from one disasterous relationship to another,always with folk that could drink like me or drugged.
in 2002 my daughter and i fled my hometown,literally.my uncle came from scotland and collected us.we had 2 bags.after a fortnight i told my mum we were staying (she was up there too)
you guessed it,my alcoholism followed me,and within a very short period came the first suicide attepmt.
that christmas i was under a self imposed ban from alcohol.
it was the worst christmas day of my life,another day i will never forget.i was on the outside looking in.for 2 weeks i was miserable,discontent,unhappy.
i was living with my mum at the time,and it was the same year my daughters father died back in our home town,in my old house.heroin overdose.after a year i got my own house,a local government one,they are low rent.it is in a lovely area,and the neighbours are nice.im still there today.
i met another man nearly 7 years ago.
all my birthdays and christmases had come at once,he drank like i did.
he liked the morning drink.
*****ooooo!
he had a good responsible job too,he must be ok!
things very quickly went from bad to worse,i was drifting around jobs.
my daughter went to live with my sister,she was 12.
i was in and out of hospital.
i wanted to die.i really didnt want to be here.
6 suicide attempts in 2 weeks
the police had to come to my house and remove all sharp objects.
i had cut myself with a butchers meat cleaver.
i was arrested for smashing up a treatment room in black out at the hospital.
i begged them to take me to the loony bin.
they did.
i was in there a week and the lure of my crutch was too strong.
i escaped,i drank,i shaved my hair off.
i got jobs here and there,but always left before i got pushed.
then about 4 years ago,after a refresh i got a real good job.i was to be head cook in a little coffee shop and gift store.
i was a success,,,the locals loved my cooking,and my cakes were a smash!
i enjoyed this for a while,but every night i got home and the obsession was with me in every guise.i was counting my drinks,promsing myself i would stop drinking at a certain time,my money was counted in beer cans.
i had a few mondays off and was pulled up on this,i was black affronted of course!
i got head hunted! yes,me!
a couple of customers were openeing their own place.
i went there.
lasted 6 months.
by this time my eyes were open i was drinking.
i still had my home.
i still had money.
i still had my fella.
i still have my family sorta.
i didnt have my sanity.
i didnt have love.
i didnt have God.
i didnt have cleanliness.
i didnt have friends.
i didnt have a job.
i didnt have respect for myself or others.
i didnt have dignity.
i didnt have humility.
i didnt have confidence.
i couldnt even go in my back garden to hang my washing or put out the rubbish,someone might see me!
i didnt have hope.
i had resigned myself to the fact i was going to die an alcoholic death like my father.
i was with him the day he went to hospital and we never saw him alive again.
i was with him when he lost all his bodily functions.
christmas 2008.
my mum and her husband came to stay.
i was on the biggest bender of my life.
i was paraletic 24/7.
on new years day 2009,we were all together,my mum,her husband and my other half.
i was drunk.
they said to me,wasnt it time to do something about my drinking.
normally i would have flown at them.
what about their drinking??????,i called AA that night.the floodgates opened.
i home detoxed.
i had the screaming heebie jeebies,for 3 days.and got to a meeting on the 3rd of jan.
i wanted this.
i was told go to lots of meetings,call sober folk.
i did,after a month i picked up.i didnt want to drink.there and then it was a sudden realisation.the powerlessness.i needed to find a new power else i wasnt going to survive.
i got a sponsor.a wonderful no-nonsense lady.a ball breaker and very old school.she took me through the steps straight out of the big book.
in this last year i cannot tell you the change.i cannot put it into words.
God has done for me what i couldnt do for myself.
i have FAITH.
i have LOVE.
i have PEACE
i have SERENITY
i have DIGNITY
i have IT ALL.
i had a spiritual awakening as a result of the God given 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
i have a wonderful relationship with God.
the steps,,,what a journey.
its ok today that i am basically a self-seeking,selfish,dishonest and scared person.because today i have a programme thats teaches me the spiritual way of life,so although i am all those things,i can work not to be.
i have LIFE.
ITS WONDERFUL.
Last edited by CarolD; 02-07-2010 at 08:53 AM.
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