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As of August 14, 2009 I'm ten years sober.

I quit for a year once. I was so happy that I gotten to that point that I had a drink to celebrate. Yes, really. I think I planned to have the one and that probably turned into eight to ten years.

When I finally quit ten years ago, part of it had to do with just being bored of the stopping and starting. It was whittling away my energy to keep failing.

I heard years ago that relapse is less likely after ten years and then even less likely after fifteen and so on, but reaching a goal can be a strange unexpected time of losing track of direction. It is both satisfying and slightly destabilizing.

In many ways, things didn't get better after quitting, but they sure got easier. That is to say, I discovered it wasn't a good idea to expect everything in life to improve once sober. When things didn't automatically get better, it seemed like not drinking wasn't helping, wasn't working. In that state of mind, it seemed like returning to drinking was a viable option.

Easier means -- no more hang overs, less guilt and shame, confidence and health improving. An easier time being a human.

Sober Recovery is helpful in recognizing types of thinking that arrive. A heads up -- seeing that others have had to deal with similar things makes it easier to understand patterns of thought and appropriate reactions and responses.

I need to be aware of where I'm at -- not seeing myself as having completed a process and feeling safe. That's the strange new feeling I have -- freefalling beyond the ten year mark.

Jean