My Story (Sheila)
*Grateful*
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,619
My Story (Sheila) I was born and raised in San Diego CA. I was the second child and had a sister who was 6 years older than me.
My parents for the most part were good parents. My mom was a bit controlling and was over authoritative at times. She was a stay at home mom so I had constant supervision.
My Dad was a hard worker and worked at a local factory in tool and die and was very responsible and dependable. He loved my mom and my sister and I. He had a very difficult childhood and made up his mind to give his family the stability he never had.
I can remember a family camping trip we went on with the neighbors and their 5 sons who were older than me. I was probably 10 and the boys were probably ranging in age from 11-20. At some point I was dared to drink Dixie cups full of wine while our parents were off somewhere else. I did so and that was my first experience with getting drunk.
A few years later I can remember the neighbor girl having a slumber party in her RV and somewhere someone had gotten beer, and there I was guzzling a few. It was fun and I was funny and that was the beginning of wanting to high, drunk or chase the buzz.
The same gal who lived across the street introduced me to weed in the 7th grade and I started smoking cigarettes about that time too. I then started hanging out with the rough crowd at school. It wasn’t until 9th grade that these 2 gals M and C started hanging with me. They taught me how I could so all the bad things but appear to be the sweet nice girl next door type. Cigarretes were for low lifes so we would go to keg parites and if we watned a smoke we would go hide somewhere and smoke one. That is when my double life started.
In the 10 grade one weekend I had gone to a liquor store with my girlfriend to get 2 six pack of low in brow and I ran into a classmate named mark. We agreed to meet up later to all drink together. Mark and I became inseparable from that time on. He played football and was the starting quarter back for varsity the end of his sophomore year and not only did I have a best friend but I was the QB’s girlfriend.
High school was pretty fun. Go to school all week, get at least C’s to placate my mom and drink all weekend. On Feb. 3, 1982 Mark and I were in a head on collision trying to pass a car in the fog and I with no seatbelt suffered a severe facial laceration.
My mom was so mad. I was a minor and my boyfriend was drunk and she sued. After a few other things that went on, my mom was fed up and she made up break up. We didn’t. I started sneaking out cuz of course Mark was my one and only love and we were going to be married some day.
I think I only sneaked around for 6 months or so until I finally was sick of it and I went to college and met someone new. Around the same time the same gal who lived across the street from me told me about Mexico. One night she took me down to Tijuana which was only a 15 mile drive to go clubbing. It was a blast! You only had to be 18 and you could club all over the place. There were tons of American teens and Navy men down there who would buy drinks for you and dance all night long! It was a blast! For the next 3 years we did that every Friday, Sat and sun nights.
At 19 in the midst of all of that, my mom found and read my diary and learned I had lied about breaking up w/ mark and said that I was on restriction until I was 21. I was like, screw this and moved out that weekend. I was in my last semester of my 2 year degree so I somehow managed to finish while drinking harder and harder liquor every night.
Dec. 1984 I had just graduated with my AA at Southwestern College and I was with a friend at another friends and we had been drinking all night long, it was morning and I was pretty hung and someone showed up with a bag of meth and we all did lines. It was incredible! I was hooked. 1985 I used almost daily but still able to hold it together. 1986 I quit my job and lived off the insurance settlement I had gotten from the car accident in 1982. I think I would go through close to 200 dollars worth of weed, alcohol and meth daily. I had a lot of friends back then! (of course cuz I had money and drugs and a car and my own pad)
1987 I was running out of money and in less than a year had burned through the money and had been arrested had to get a lawyer, my folks found out and I moved home and started trying to get clean. After a nudge from the judge I found NA and AA. I tried it for a while, did my community service and went back to meth and all my so called friends.
In early 1988 I was living with a guy named Bill who was a small time dealer and a loser. In Feb. I started puking and found out I was pregnant. Bill was very controlling of me and always accused me of cheating on him. So after some hard thinking I decided to leave. He started stalking me at work and I was very embarrassed by him. I fled to Mexico cuz I knew he would not cross the border with all of his warrants. He had hit me and locked me in a room and I wasn’t going to tolerate another second of it.
My parents finally tracked me and begged me to move back to the states. They did not want me to give birth in Tijuana due to the medical care being less than it was here. So in my 7th month I moved home. I had managed to stay clean.
On Oct 27, 1988 I gave birth to a healthy baby boy named Matthew Spencer. He was such a blessing!
After 3 months I relapsed once again and disappeared with my son back to the creepy friends. I would then go back and forth, back and forth. Meth, family meth family. I put my parents threw absolute HELL and was very mean. Once I even told my parents I was going to the store and to watch my son and I never returned for 2 weeks. I was on a run and my drug was more important than anything.
One day while home at my parents, 2 men came knocking at my door to share with me the love of Christ. They told me that Grace (Heaven) was a free gift, I couldn’t earn it and didn’t deserve it cuz I was a sinner and could not save myself. Who Jesus was, God and Man and God was Merciful but also just. That this gift was received by faith. I received that free gift and transferred my trust in myself to Jesus Christ. My life was never the same.
I did relapse though, but this time it was different. It wasn’t fun anymore. I had tasted and seen the Lord was good and the sin of my addiction was very depressing. I did meetings stayed clean, then I would have a drug dream or a fight with someone and use that as an excuse to go back out. I had to learn to get things done without “getting high” first.
My pastor strongly recommended I go to rehab. So I went to a 6 month in house treatment center. The funny thing was, I was 90 days clean by the time I arrived because there was a 90 day waiting list. My last time hitting the tweak pipe was Feb. 4, 1991. I somehow made it through the 6 month rehab, it was pretty tough at times cuz when you have 42 women living under the same roof, it was HARD! I graduated and stayed clean when I got out for years.
I got a good job a great roommate. I had my son in a Private school and had good life going on. A guy who I had liked for a long time, Bob and I were dating! Shortly after our engagement a gal who I had been hanging out with from work invited me over. So many times she had offered me a drink. Countless times I had rejected her offer. For some reason that time I took a beer, then 2 then 3 and probably even 4. I was so bummed I got in my car and parked around on the other side of her apts. and sat in my car and just cried. I knew I was too drunk to drive and I had blown my sobriety. That was probably in early 1998. I didn’t tell my fiancée, and just swept the even under the carpet and never told anyone. I had fallen away from meeting and just attended church. I would say the lesson I learned from this experience was not to hang out with people who drink and use and do not respect your sobriety/ clean time.
Bob and I married on July 25, 1998. It was a wonderful day. Finally at 33 I had a great man who wanted to adopt my son Matt who was almost 10 now. Life was sweet. Great hubby, great family, great friends, great job, great home. In December Bob kept telling me he was feeling confused. He just couldn’t shake what was going on with him. He kept going in to the doctor and they couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him. They tested his blood sugar, his thyroid, to no avail. A few more months rolled around and Bob was feeling more and more fatigued. On a Friday night in April I took him in again this time to the ER where he was sent home and told to make an appt with his GP.
About a week later Bob came home from work and told me he was hallucinating. We went straight to the ER and after begging and pleading they did an MRI and 2 neurologists came and told me the devastating news, Bob had several masses in his brain. After a biopsy was done, we put a name on it. Primary CNS Lymphoma. It was in his brain only. We fought so hard. We were flying from San Diego to Portland Oregon monthly. Each treatment lasted 5 days. It was a very difficult time and one day on the airplane I can remember deciding I was gonna pop 2 of his vicodins. I had never even done opiates, but I just remember wanting to escape. Then I felt the euphoria kick in... That started a rollercoaster of addiction to pain meds. For the next year between treatments for my husband, working and trying to care for my son, I was drinking and using.
I can remember in November 2000 watching the movie 28 days w/ Sandra Bullock and seeing the parallels between her and myself. I flushed everything and went back to meetings. Bob died on Feb. 19, 2001 and I was happy I was clean and sober his last 3 ½ months of life.
I stayed clean and sober until 2003. I had met a widower online and he bought a Harley and came out to meet me. It was a love connection. We married and had a son. After I had my son my doctor prescribed me percocet. I remember being stoked! I knew I didn’t really need them but again I wanted to escape. My son had some problems at birth and had to spend the next 8 days in NICU.
He recovered just fine, but I had awakened my sleeping tiger. For the next few years off and on I would relapse, secretly of course, and then flush them or get rid of them and quit. At one point after a 45 day run of using I had to withdrawal big time. I have never had such a hard time before. My husband was such a sweetheart!
FINALLY I reached out for help and started attending AA/NA meetings. I celebrated one year in January of this year. I did what was suggested to me, got a sponsor, started working my steps, got honest and got involved in service.
Today I truly feel free once again from the bondage of drugs and alcohol! I am involved in living free of fear once again! My joy has returned.
Sheila
My parents for the most part were good parents. My mom was a bit controlling and was over authoritative at times. She was a stay at home mom so I had constant supervision.
My Dad was a hard worker and worked at a local factory in tool and die and was very responsible and dependable. He loved my mom and my sister and I. He had a very difficult childhood and made up his mind to give his family the stability he never had.
I can remember a family camping trip we went on with the neighbors and their 5 sons who were older than me. I was probably 10 and the boys were probably ranging in age from 11-20. At some point I was dared to drink Dixie cups full of wine while our parents were off somewhere else. I did so and that was my first experience with getting drunk.
A few years later I can remember the neighbor girl having a slumber party in her RV and somewhere someone had gotten beer, and there I was guzzling a few. It was fun and I was funny and that was the beginning of wanting to high, drunk or chase the buzz.
The same gal who lived across the street introduced me to weed in the 7th grade and I started smoking cigarettes about that time too. I then started hanging out with the rough crowd at school. It wasn’t until 9th grade that these 2 gals M and C started hanging with me. They taught me how I could so all the bad things but appear to be the sweet nice girl next door type. Cigarretes were for low lifes so we would go to keg parites and if we watned a smoke we would go hide somewhere and smoke one. That is when my double life started.
In the 10 grade one weekend I had gone to a liquor store with my girlfriend to get 2 six pack of low in brow and I ran into a classmate named mark. We agreed to meet up later to all drink together. Mark and I became inseparable from that time on. He played football and was the starting quarter back for varsity the end of his sophomore year and not only did I have a best friend but I was the QB’s girlfriend.
High school was pretty fun. Go to school all week, get at least C’s to placate my mom and drink all weekend. On Feb. 3, 1982 Mark and I were in a head on collision trying to pass a car in the fog and I with no seatbelt suffered a severe facial laceration.
My mom was so mad. I was a minor and my boyfriend was drunk and she sued. After a few other things that went on, my mom was fed up and she made up break up. We didn’t. I started sneaking out cuz of course Mark was my one and only love and we were going to be married some day.
I think I only sneaked around for 6 months or so until I finally was sick of it and I went to college and met someone new. Around the same time the same gal who lived across the street from me told me about Mexico. One night she took me down to Tijuana which was only a 15 mile drive to go clubbing. It was a blast! You only had to be 18 and you could club all over the place. There were tons of American teens and Navy men down there who would buy drinks for you and dance all night long! It was a blast! For the next 3 years we did that every Friday, Sat and sun nights.
At 19 in the midst of all of that, my mom found and read my diary and learned I had lied about breaking up w/ mark and said that I was on restriction until I was 21. I was like, screw this and moved out that weekend. I was in my last semester of my 2 year degree so I somehow managed to finish while drinking harder and harder liquor every night.
Dec. 1984 I had just graduated with my AA at Southwestern College and I was with a friend at another friends and we had been drinking all night long, it was morning and I was pretty hung and someone showed up with a bag of meth and we all did lines. It was incredible! I was hooked. 1985 I used almost daily but still able to hold it together. 1986 I quit my job and lived off the insurance settlement I had gotten from the car accident in 1982. I think I would go through close to 200 dollars worth of weed, alcohol and meth daily. I had a lot of friends back then! (of course cuz I had money and drugs and a car and my own pad)
1987 I was running out of money and in less than a year had burned through the money and had been arrested had to get a lawyer, my folks found out and I moved home and started trying to get clean. After a nudge from the judge I found NA and AA. I tried it for a while, did my community service and went back to meth and all my so called friends.
In early 1988 I was living with a guy named Bill who was a small time dealer and a loser. In Feb. I started puking and found out I was pregnant. Bill was very controlling of me and always accused me of cheating on him. So after some hard thinking I decided to leave. He started stalking me at work and I was very embarrassed by him. I fled to Mexico cuz I knew he would not cross the border with all of his warrants. He had hit me and locked me in a room and I wasn’t going to tolerate another second of it.
My parents finally tracked me and begged me to move back to the states. They did not want me to give birth in Tijuana due to the medical care being less than it was here. So in my 7th month I moved home. I had managed to stay clean.
On Oct 27, 1988 I gave birth to a healthy baby boy named Matthew Spencer. He was such a blessing!
After 3 months I relapsed once again and disappeared with my son back to the creepy friends. I would then go back and forth, back and forth. Meth, family meth family. I put my parents threw absolute HELL and was very mean. Once I even told my parents I was going to the store and to watch my son and I never returned for 2 weeks. I was on a run and my drug was more important than anything.
One day while home at my parents, 2 men came knocking at my door to share with me the love of Christ. They told me that Grace (Heaven) was a free gift, I couldn’t earn it and didn’t deserve it cuz I was a sinner and could not save myself. Who Jesus was, God and Man and God was Merciful but also just. That this gift was received by faith. I received that free gift and transferred my trust in myself to Jesus Christ. My life was never the same.
I did relapse though, but this time it was different. It wasn’t fun anymore. I had tasted and seen the Lord was good and the sin of my addiction was very depressing. I did meetings stayed clean, then I would have a drug dream or a fight with someone and use that as an excuse to go back out. I had to learn to get things done without “getting high” first.
My pastor strongly recommended I go to rehab. So I went to a 6 month in house treatment center. The funny thing was, I was 90 days clean by the time I arrived because there was a 90 day waiting list. My last time hitting the tweak pipe was Feb. 4, 1991. I somehow made it through the 6 month rehab, it was pretty tough at times cuz when you have 42 women living under the same roof, it was HARD! I graduated and stayed clean when I got out for years.
I got a good job a great roommate. I had my son in a Private school and had good life going on. A guy who I had liked for a long time, Bob and I were dating! Shortly after our engagement a gal who I had been hanging out with from work invited me over. So many times she had offered me a drink. Countless times I had rejected her offer. For some reason that time I took a beer, then 2 then 3 and probably even 4. I was so bummed I got in my car and parked around on the other side of her apts. and sat in my car and just cried. I knew I was too drunk to drive and I had blown my sobriety. That was probably in early 1998. I didn’t tell my fiancée, and just swept the even under the carpet and never told anyone. I had fallen away from meeting and just attended church. I would say the lesson I learned from this experience was not to hang out with people who drink and use and do not respect your sobriety/ clean time.
Bob and I married on July 25, 1998. It was a wonderful day. Finally at 33 I had a great man who wanted to adopt my son Matt who was almost 10 now. Life was sweet. Great hubby, great family, great friends, great job, great home. In December Bob kept telling me he was feeling confused. He just couldn’t shake what was going on with him. He kept going in to the doctor and they couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him. They tested his blood sugar, his thyroid, to no avail. A few more months rolled around and Bob was feeling more and more fatigued. On a Friday night in April I took him in again this time to the ER where he was sent home and told to make an appt with his GP.
About a week later Bob came home from work and told me he was hallucinating. We went straight to the ER and after begging and pleading they did an MRI and 2 neurologists came and told me the devastating news, Bob had several masses in his brain. After a biopsy was done, we put a name on it. Primary CNS Lymphoma. It was in his brain only. We fought so hard. We were flying from San Diego to Portland Oregon monthly. Each treatment lasted 5 days. It was a very difficult time and one day on the airplane I can remember deciding I was gonna pop 2 of his vicodins. I had never even done opiates, but I just remember wanting to escape. Then I felt the euphoria kick in... That started a rollercoaster of addiction to pain meds. For the next year between treatments for my husband, working and trying to care for my son, I was drinking and using.
I can remember in November 2000 watching the movie 28 days w/ Sandra Bullock and seeing the parallels between her and myself. I flushed everything and went back to meetings. Bob died on Feb. 19, 2001 and I was happy I was clean and sober his last 3 ½ months of life.
I stayed clean and sober until 2003. I had met a widower online and he bought a Harley and came out to meet me. It was a love connection. We married and had a son. After I had my son my doctor prescribed me percocet. I remember being stoked! I knew I didn’t really need them but again I wanted to escape. My son had some problems at birth and had to spend the next 8 days in NICU.
He recovered just fine, but I had awakened my sleeping tiger. For the next few years off and on I would relapse, secretly of course, and then flush them or get rid of them and quit. At one point after a 45 day run of using I had to withdrawal big time. I have never had such a hard time before. My husband was such a sweetheart!
FINALLY I reached out for help and started attending AA/NA meetings. I celebrated one year in January of this year. I did what was suggested to me, got a sponsor, started working my steps, got honest and got involved in service.
Today I truly feel free once again from the bondage of drugs and alcohol! I am involved in living free of fear once again! My joy has returned.
Sheila
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