Astro's Story
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
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Astro's Story
Hello, my name is Scott, I’m an alcoholic in my third year of sobriety and earlier this year I admitted I was powerless over others and began my journey in the program of Codependants Anonymous also. By the grace of God I’ve been sober since Feb. 21, 2005, and my anniversary date in CoDA is Feb. 24, 2007. This is my story in a nutshell…..
I thought I grew up in a pretty normal household. Mom was a full-time homemaker and mother to three boys, Dad was a surveyor and always went to night school to further his education to support his family. Both parents were pretty loving, but alcohol was always prevelant in my life, seemed like my parents always had a drink in their hands. I don’t remember much physical abuse, but Dad and Mom were always arguing and fighting, verbal and mental abuse was a trait I carried with me into all my relationships.
I started drinking somewhere around the age of 14, at first just asking my parents for sips of their beer, then when they’d leave the room I’d take a few more swigs. At 16 I hit paydirt, taking a job as a busboy at a Mexican restaurant. When customers didn’t finish their pitchers of margaritas, I did, thus I became a daily drinker for the next 25 years. At 17 I hit the jackpot, I started dating a 24 year old cocktail waitress and cocaine addict, the first relationship I was ever in and the start of a few relationships with addicts. What I couldn’t steal she’d buy for me. When I turned 19 I became a bartender, drinking became even easier, and from there I went into the construction industry where I partied many years away. Along the way I dated quite a few addicts, my only explanation for that being “birds of a feather flock together”. I had no idea what a destructive path I was heading down. Every relationship was dysfunctional and centered around addictions, but I was having fun and saw no reason to make any changes. I simply never even considered that I might be an alcoholic.
In my mid-20’s I met my first wife, in a bar of course, after dating and drinking together for a few years I pulled my first geographic and moved from Phoenix to Boston in 1990. She was from a large family there, we had a nice Irish-Catholic wedding together and began our short life together of constant turmoil, drinking and fighting became the norm and bringing a child into our world was unthinkable. I’m grateful we never did conceive. After 1 year together she’d had enough and I came home to an empty apartment one day. I drank mostly alone for two years after that, and then had the idea that moving back to Phoenix would take care of all my issues in life. I haven’t heard much from my first wife since 1993, but I did get an email from her in 2005 to let me know that she had a few years clean and sober in the programs of AA and NA. I’m so grateful that God graced her with his presence and protection.
Upon my return home to Phoenix I promptly met my second wife, again in a bar. It was codie heaven. For our second date she cooked dinner at her house and greeted me at the door with a 6-pack. We were a perfect match or so it seemed, we both enjoyed drinking, wanted kids, had good careers, and we had an intimate relationship. We married a short time after we met, and a year later our son was born followed by our daughter a year after that. I had no idea what geographics were, but we carried out a series of mini ones, moving from one house to the next, always hoping to cure our dysfunctions by improving our style of living. She practically begged me to stop drinking and chewing tobacco when our children were born, so for the next 7 years I’d work at perfecting my methods of lying and manipulating, always trying to hide how much I drank. I told her I quit the tobacco, but I never did until two months before I sobered up. I kept stashes of alcohol and cans of tobacco hidden in my truck and office, always never far from reach. And naturally, the harder I worked at making my addictions my first love the less available I became in our relationship. I functioned highly, always making sure we had a good income and a nicely maintained home, but in the relationship I was creating wreckage at an alarming rate. And although I thought I was a good father, there were many times I had accidents when I was playing with my children and they were injured. I also took their lives into my hands every day, driving them to day-care or school drunk. So much for being a functional father.
On Feb. 18th 2005 I hit my first bottom. I accused my now ex for the umpteenth dozen time of cheating on me. She demanded a divorce and left the house for a few days while I continued drinking. On Feb. 21st I found out she had been having an affair, I didn’t drink that day, went to my first AA meeting that night, and haven’t felt it necessary to take a drink since then thanks to AA and the grace of God.
When I came into AA, I resisted getting a sponsor and feared the Steps. I went to meetings and read the Big Book, but I didn’t do any other work. No surprise that within one month I checked myself into a mental hospital for a few days, suicidal and anxiety-ridden, to find out what was wrong with me. They told me I was an alcoholic of all things! For the next four months I stayed sober and kept going to meetings but still not doing anything else, and on Fathers Day 2005 I returned from a trip with my kids intending to end my life after I dropped them off with my ex. I’m still not sure what happened except to say that I couldn’t escape the grace of God forever, I made it to one more meeting and it was that night that I would meet the people who would put their hands out to me and give me the inspiration I needed to start the Steps and get my first sponsor. Admitting I was powerless freed me to begin living the life that I believe God intended for me.
What is it like now? After my first year sober I immersed myself in service work, and continue to stay active and involved as much as possible with my homegroup. I currently sponsor three men, and co-sponsor a few more. My children and I share a bond that I never dreamed was possible, and we enjoy sharing our life with friends that we’ve made in the Fellowship. My second year continued to bring me more challenges in recovery, by practicing the principles and using the tools I’ve been given I’ve met those challenges and continued to “do the deal”. As I entered my third year of sobriety I realized that although I knew how to stay sober, I was having some issues with living life on life’s terms and dealing with my newly found emotions. At that time a beautiful woman I was dating (who had years of wonderful recovery in the program of Al-Anon) took me to my first CoDA meeting, and it was there I found my second home in recovery. Although I’m just an “infant” in CoDA, I feel like another door has been opened for me to jump through, and I’m excited at the journey that lies ahead in understanding and coming to terms with my codependancy.
Sorry to ramble on about me. If I could shorten my story up I’d say that life is nothing short of being almost perfect in 12 Step programs, sobriety, any form of recovery. I’m grateful for these gifts that my God has blessed me with, and for the opportunity to give back that which has been so freely given to me. I’m thankful to SR too for the daily opportunity to open up and share with people who are just like me. So if you’re a newcomer and you’re reading my story, just keep coming back, OK? If I can do it, so can you.
Be gentle,
Scott K. (Astro)
Phoenix, AZ
I thought I grew up in a pretty normal household. Mom was a full-time homemaker and mother to three boys, Dad was a surveyor and always went to night school to further his education to support his family. Both parents were pretty loving, but alcohol was always prevelant in my life, seemed like my parents always had a drink in their hands. I don’t remember much physical abuse, but Dad and Mom were always arguing and fighting, verbal and mental abuse was a trait I carried with me into all my relationships.
I started drinking somewhere around the age of 14, at first just asking my parents for sips of their beer, then when they’d leave the room I’d take a few more swigs. At 16 I hit paydirt, taking a job as a busboy at a Mexican restaurant. When customers didn’t finish their pitchers of margaritas, I did, thus I became a daily drinker for the next 25 years. At 17 I hit the jackpot, I started dating a 24 year old cocktail waitress and cocaine addict, the first relationship I was ever in and the start of a few relationships with addicts. What I couldn’t steal she’d buy for me. When I turned 19 I became a bartender, drinking became even easier, and from there I went into the construction industry where I partied many years away. Along the way I dated quite a few addicts, my only explanation for that being “birds of a feather flock together”. I had no idea what a destructive path I was heading down. Every relationship was dysfunctional and centered around addictions, but I was having fun and saw no reason to make any changes. I simply never even considered that I might be an alcoholic.
In my mid-20’s I met my first wife, in a bar of course, after dating and drinking together for a few years I pulled my first geographic and moved from Phoenix to Boston in 1990. She was from a large family there, we had a nice Irish-Catholic wedding together and began our short life together of constant turmoil, drinking and fighting became the norm and bringing a child into our world was unthinkable. I’m grateful we never did conceive. After 1 year together she’d had enough and I came home to an empty apartment one day. I drank mostly alone for two years after that, and then had the idea that moving back to Phoenix would take care of all my issues in life. I haven’t heard much from my first wife since 1993, but I did get an email from her in 2005 to let me know that she had a few years clean and sober in the programs of AA and NA. I’m so grateful that God graced her with his presence and protection.
Upon my return home to Phoenix I promptly met my second wife, again in a bar. It was codie heaven. For our second date she cooked dinner at her house and greeted me at the door with a 6-pack. We were a perfect match or so it seemed, we both enjoyed drinking, wanted kids, had good careers, and we had an intimate relationship. We married a short time after we met, and a year later our son was born followed by our daughter a year after that. I had no idea what geographics were, but we carried out a series of mini ones, moving from one house to the next, always hoping to cure our dysfunctions by improving our style of living. She practically begged me to stop drinking and chewing tobacco when our children were born, so for the next 7 years I’d work at perfecting my methods of lying and manipulating, always trying to hide how much I drank. I told her I quit the tobacco, but I never did until two months before I sobered up. I kept stashes of alcohol and cans of tobacco hidden in my truck and office, always never far from reach. And naturally, the harder I worked at making my addictions my first love the less available I became in our relationship. I functioned highly, always making sure we had a good income and a nicely maintained home, but in the relationship I was creating wreckage at an alarming rate. And although I thought I was a good father, there were many times I had accidents when I was playing with my children and they were injured. I also took their lives into my hands every day, driving them to day-care or school drunk. So much for being a functional father.
On Feb. 18th 2005 I hit my first bottom. I accused my now ex for the umpteenth dozen time of cheating on me. She demanded a divorce and left the house for a few days while I continued drinking. On Feb. 21st I found out she had been having an affair, I didn’t drink that day, went to my first AA meeting that night, and haven’t felt it necessary to take a drink since then thanks to AA and the grace of God.
When I came into AA, I resisted getting a sponsor and feared the Steps. I went to meetings and read the Big Book, but I didn’t do any other work. No surprise that within one month I checked myself into a mental hospital for a few days, suicidal and anxiety-ridden, to find out what was wrong with me. They told me I was an alcoholic of all things! For the next four months I stayed sober and kept going to meetings but still not doing anything else, and on Fathers Day 2005 I returned from a trip with my kids intending to end my life after I dropped them off with my ex. I’m still not sure what happened except to say that I couldn’t escape the grace of God forever, I made it to one more meeting and it was that night that I would meet the people who would put their hands out to me and give me the inspiration I needed to start the Steps and get my first sponsor. Admitting I was powerless freed me to begin living the life that I believe God intended for me.
What is it like now? After my first year sober I immersed myself in service work, and continue to stay active and involved as much as possible with my homegroup. I currently sponsor three men, and co-sponsor a few more. My children and I share a bond that I never dreamed was possible, and we enjoy sharing our life with friends that we’ve made in the Fellowship. My second year continued to bring me more challenges in recovery, by practicing the principles and using the tools I’ve been given I’ve met those challenges and continued to “do the deal”. As I entered my third year of sobriety I realized that although I knew how to stay sober, I was having some issues with living life on life’s terms and dealing with my newly found emotions. At that time a beautiful woman I was dating (who had years of wonderful recovery in the program of Al-Anon) took me to my first CoDA meeting, and it was there I found my second home in recovery. Although I’m just an “infant” in CoDA, I feel like another door has been opened for me to jump through, and I’m excited at the journey that lies ahead in understanding and coming to terms with my codependancy.
Sorry to ramble on about me. If I could shorten my story up I’d say that life is nothing short of being almost perfect in 12 Step programs, sobriety, any form of recovery. I’m grateful for these gifts that my God has blessed me with, and for the opportunity to give back that which has been so freely given to me. I’m thankful to SR too for the daily opportunity to open up and share with people who are just like me. So if you’re a newcomer and you’re reading my story, just keep coming back, OK? If I can do it, so can you.
Be gentle,
Scott K. (Astro)
Phoenix, AZ
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