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The journey, step 2

Old 04-27-2012, 01:55 AM
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The journey, step 2

What is my concept of a Higher Power at this time?

It's not God in the religious sense but it is God in the sense that I can't do this alone.

What would it take to allow my concept of my Higher Power to change?

Being open to learning

Have past experiences affected my concept of a Higher Power? If so, how?

What do I hope to gain from accepting the concept of a Power greater than myself?

Less stress, less anxiety.

Do I sense spiritual guidance in my life? How?

Not yet but I am working on it.

How do I describe the Higher Power I found in Al-Anon?

What does “Let Go and Let God” mean to me?

I don't know yet. I think it's my goal to not worry so much about things I have no control over.

What does faith mean to me?

For me it is trusting in someone other than myself.

With whom and in what circumstances am I comfortable discussing my spiritual experiences?

Anyone I believe will not criticize me.

What might I gain from believing I could be supported and loved by a Power greater than myself?

Peace and calm from my worries

What does “came to believe” mean to me?

Trusting these 12 steps work.

What does sanity mean to me?

Peace

How has the alcoholic situation affected my sanity? My life?

I worry to much.

Have I allowed the alcoholic situation to become my Higher Power? How?

I guess I have because I'm allowwing something I can't control to bother me.

How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the alcoholic behavior?

It's hard to think clearly when I'm stressed and worried.

How have I turned to a Power greater than myself in times of great need? Did I call another Al-Anon member? My sponsor? Did I read Al Anon Conference Approved Literature (CAL)? Did I go to a meeting? If not, why not?

I trust in the wisdom and knowledge of the members here and I am reading the books the members here have suggested. I have not gone to Al-Anon meeting yet because my AW is not abusive to me and I am not as stressed since I started here at SR. That's probably not a good reason and I do have the schedule and addresses next to me.

In working this Step, can I describe a Step Two experience to my sponsor or my group? In a written sharing?

Not yet.

When have I done the same things over and over, yet expected different results?

Up to a couple weeks ago....every day.

================================================== =

I finished "Under the Influence" and I'm on Chapter 22 of "Getting The Sober" Reading all the posts and blogs of people here on SR is really helping me. Maybe it's simply making me focus on something else other than my wife's drinking. She is a good person and she is dying....and for the first time I seem to have shifted my responsibility for her well being from me to God. I am not a religious person by any means but giving her "life" to someone other than me doesn't seem to be the right thing to do but, at the same time, it is the right thing to do.

I pray that I'm doing the right thing.
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Old 04-27-2012, 01:19 PM
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Just when I think I'm not getting it....someone here will write something that really makes a difference in my life. To be able to "let go" means I need to give up what I am trying to hold on to and, to do that, I need to give it to God. I need to do that; I have to do that.

It's going to be a very intropsective time for me for a little while.
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Old 04-28-2012, 08:47 AM
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Sometimes the hardest thing to do can be the simplest thing to do. If it's hard to do then it can be that I am trying to control it. That's what this is about, I can't control alcohol, those who use it, or very often myself. It's only the realization that God, from my older definition of God, or a higher power, todays definition, is who really is in control.

My rambling may not make sense but maybe it's not suppose to. Making sense to others is control; making sense to myself about something I don't have any control over is letting go to a higher power. Each day is getting better because I no longer worry about tomorrow.

I may lose the battle to alcohol because she is dying from it but it isn't my battle anymore. I can't look at the alcohol as the one running my life; I have to look at a higher power.
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Old 04-29-2012, 07:47 AM
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The hardest thing to do and the most necessary thing to do was not to look at the bottle to see how much was gone. I thought I was looking to see how bad it was getting. In retrospect, it's always bad and the amount hasn't varied that much.

I'm letting go of the control thing and trying to give it to a higher power. The fact that I can now walk by the cabinet that holds her stash and not look inside has really made me feel like I'm outside of the grip of this thing.
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Old 04-29-2012, 11:50 AM
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Originally Posted by Spes View Post
To be able to "let go" means I need to give up what I am trying to hold on to and, to do that, I need to give it to God.
Very beautifully said, Spes.

One of my past sponsors helped me to see that I either had both fists up fighting life (figuratively speaking), or had both fists clenched trying to hold onto something.

He had me stand there, both hands out with palms open and facing upward. That was how I should be living life.

That visual experience really helped me tremendously.
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Old 04-29-2012, 03:42 PM
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Originally Posted by Freedom1990 View Post
One of my past sponsors helped me to see that I either had both fists up fighting life (figuratively speaking), or had both fists clenched trying to hold onto something.

He had me stand there, both hands out with palms open and facing upward. That was how I should be living life.

That visual experience really helped me tremendously.
Thank you so much; I needed that. I'll keep that picture in my head to help center me.

Thank you again.
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Old 04-30-2012, 11:00 AM
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Some days you just wish that higher power would sit next to me and give me a break.

Thankfully I just read a post here where someone posted this poem. If I ever needed help, today is the day.

As children bring their broken toys
with tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God,
because He was my friend.
But then, instead of leaving Him,
in peace, to work alone;
I hung around and tried to help,
with ways that were my own.
At last, I snatched them back and cried,
"How can you be so slow?"
"My child," He said,
"What could I do?
You never did let go."
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Old 05-01-2012, 06:47 PM
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Amazon is going to love me....just bought my 3rd book that others here have recommended: "Codependent no more"

I used to wonder how one could not want to help the person they loved. It seemed counter-intuitive. But I think I was confusing "helping" with "codie"

I'm getting there, slowly but surely. I think I need to stay with step 2 for a little longer.
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Old 05-02-2012, 08:27 PM
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It's a tug of war between myself and my higher power. I mean, intellectually it should be easy, all I have to do is let go. I keep trying to let go but it doesn't seem like I have. Maybe it's just that if I am in a very deep hole, it simply takes time to climb out of it.

I have learned one thing. It's my problem, not hers.
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Old 05-03-2012, 05:35 AM
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Just when I think I'm "getting it". Just when I'm at such a low point that I can't sleep because my mind won't turn off. Just when I'm wondering what I am missing.

I get to the chapter about detaching in the book "Codependent No More."

Reminds me of that saying: "The more I learn; the less I know", or something like that.

Today I detach....or at least I start.
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