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Finally, Step 2

Old 12-26-2011, 03:18 PM
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Finally, Step 2

Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

What is my concept of a Higher Power at this time?
God, working through other people.

What would it take to allow my concept of my Higher Power to change?
Re thinking that God is not a punishing God

Have past experiences affected my concept of a Higher Power? If so, how?
Growing up, I was told God would punish if I did something bad. Also, I prayed and prayed to God to change circumstances involving other people and it did not work. Therefore, I just figured there is no God and I must take control.

What do I hope to gain from accepting the concept of a Power greater than myself?
Serenity by acknowledging that someone else is in the driver's seat.
Hope that I can be restored to sanity (I really don't know if I ever had sanity).

Do I sense spiritual guidance in my life? How?
Only when I seek it, which I have to continually do throughout the day. When I don't seek spiritual guidance, I then revert back to trying to control. This is my addiction that I struggle with daily.

How do I describe the Higher Power I found in Al-Anon?
NOt sure about this one. I do think God puts the right people in my path when I seek his guidance.

What does “Let Go and Let God” mean to me?
It takes a tremendous weight off of my shoulders. My controlling has led me to take on the job God was intended to do. I have to bang my head against the wall a lot of times before I realize none of my efforts (controlling attempt) will do any good.

What does faith mean to me?
My Mother had a lot of faith, but because she was codependent, faith was not something I saw as helpful. However, now, I am beginning to relate faith to hope. Faith is the opposite of depression.

With whom and in what circumstances am I comfortable discussing my spiritual experiences?
I have co=workers that I feel comfortable with discussing this.
Circumstances? - not sure about this.

What might I gain from believing I could be supported and loved by a Power greater than myself?
Serenity, stop isolating, raise my self esteem and stop trying to control people and outcomes.

What does “came to believe” mean to me?
An awakening.

What does sanity mean to me?
Being serene enough to make good choices. Serenity would allow the clarity I need to make choices that are good for me and allow others to do the same.

How has the alcoholic situation affected my sanity? My life?
It has affected both. I grew up in it and it has ruled and defined me for a long time. Because of this, I lost myself, gave up hope and lived for anybody else but me.

Have I allowed the alcoholic situation to become my Higher Power? How?
Yes, definitely. It was at the forefront of every decision I made and most were not in my best judgement.

How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the alcoholic behavior?
The distortion became my truth. My tolerance for the untolerable was at an all time high when I finally became sicker than the alcoholic/drug addict.

How have I turned to a Power greater than myself in times of great need?
I'm amazed at how much it took for me to finally turn to my Higher Power.
Did I call another Al-Anon member?
Just recently did I pick up the phone and actually call other people.
My sponsor?
I have yet to find a sponsor. Guess I'm still a little dysfunctional with this...don't fully trust yet.
Did I read Al Anon Conference Approved Literature (CAL)? Did I go to a meeting? If not, why not? Yes, I attend weekly meetings

In working this Step, can I describe a Step Two experience to my sponsor or my group? In a written sharing?
This is my written sharing. I attend CODA meetings and the meeting format does not contain this, although I wish it would. Living in a rural area and working nights makes it difficult to attend meetings. However, I use this board as a "meeting" daily. I still feel like I'm not doing enough and beat myself up with it sometimes. I am learning, though, that I have to be gentle with myself and say "hey..it's OK if you choose to do this or that to take care of yourself".

When have I done the same things over and over, yet expected different results?
Every time I get insane.

HOpe
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Old 06-18-2012, 02:08 AM
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What is my concept of a Higher Power at this time?
A transfiguration of religious and spiritual images, feelings and inner drives - an eternal source of love, comfort and ever increasing mystery - something bigger than myself. bigger than -->

What would it take to allow my concept of my Higher Power to change?
severe trauma but its really always changing and growing

Have past experiences affected my concept of a Higher Power? If so, how?

Traumatic experiences of abuse, loss and grief have caused my soul to awaken search and question this source which I have always sensed about me and within me. Ultimately, the experiences haven't affected my concept as much as my faith and practices of devotion such as prayer and meditation and contemplation (that includes meetings)

What do I hope to gain from accepting the concept of a Power greater than myself?
to be restored to sane and joyful living

Do I sense spiritual guidance in my life? How?
yes, moreso when i quiet my mind and feel the life in my body and the energy in myself and around me and how it is connected, when i pray, sing and express myself.

How do I describe the Higher Power I found in Al-Anon?
NOt sure - ever changing but ever present

What does “Let Go and Let God” mean to me?
Let go of everything until what is left to be shown as what is mine to do (and not let go of but do something about) and feel relief at what is not mine to think about or do anything about.

What does faith mean to me?

for me, faith is a gift, a belief in God. For me it differs from hope which hopes for something in the future to inspire our lives with meaning and love which ensures we infuse all things with it.

With whom and in what circumstances am I comfortable discussing my spiritual experiences?
probably less so at work, in recovery ive learnt the virtue of prudence and that trusting others takes time, i only like sharing intimate things with people i know i can trust like at a steps meeting.

What might I gain from believing I could be supported and loved by a Power greater than myself?
less invested in what people think of me, less worried and stressed, less apt to make my job/partner/family/etc my higher power...might also keep the blessings in my life by letting god carry the gifts i put Him first as i find anything i put before an HP's love and support gets taken away


What does “came to believe” mean to me?
I came/I arrived. I came to/I "sobered" up from stinkin thinking etc. I came to believe

What does sanity mean to me?
being calm, collected and cool, being unapologetically, respectfully alive, living joyously and in harmony. being serene even in the storms of life.

How has the alcoholic situation affected my sanity? My life?
it really shut me down completely as i grew up in it and i need alanon every day to function in this world to stay focused on what's really important, to pray for Gods will for me and the power to carry that out.

Have I allowed the alcoholic situation to become my Higher Power? How?
as a child, out of survival I had no choice, it wasnt until I came to alanon i knew i had any other option(S), that i had more power over my own life than i knew

How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the alcoholic behavior?
restless, irritable, discontent, isolated, fearful, paranoid, delusional, lost

How have I turned to a Power greater than myself in times of great need?
exercise, music, playground swings, singing, feeling grief/anger, feeling my feelings, being with nature, alanon, therapies, alanon calls, friend calls, this website,
Did I call another Al-Anon member? sometimes
Just recently did I pick up the phone and actually call other people.no as i have the flu i cant remember
My sponsor?
no, my first sponsor died horribly from brain cancer which was very saddening as we didnt know for a year - most ppl thought she was just being crazy as she stopped going to meetings, after her death i felt a bit lost in the program and then my second sponsor disappeared after 6 months without ever letting me know a thing so i've only recently been praying and asking for a sponsor as im pretty burnt out and mistrusting of alanon peeps in the area of sponsorship.

Did I read Al Anon Conference Approved Literature (CAL)? Did I go to a meeting? If not, why not? Yes, I attend weekly meetings, read CAL every day if i can. i want to go to more but have been favouring the sleep ins on weekends

In working this Step, can I describe a Step Two experience to my sponsor or my group? In a written sharing?
(huff...sigh) not sure, pretty worn out now.

When have I done the same things over and over, yet expected different results?
gone back to people who aren't good for me or mean to me even family out of a sense of guilt, obligation or longing and loneliness in a broken heart, confusion that things could move on/progress/heal,work out when usually i need to stay away for my sanity and ignore what others think of that choice.
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