Finally sinking in
 

I was going to do a step a month, beginning in January, but here it was March and I just couldn't get past Step 2.

I mistakenly thought that once I got through the first step, I could put it on a shelf and move on. I purchased and began reading Codependency Guide to the 12 Steps by Melodie Beatty. I then began applying the first step daily and somehow the cloud of confusion disappeared to allow me to see things clearer.

I now take a breather before I react. I accept what is not mine to control which apparently allows my higher power to restore me to sanity.

My thinking is definitely changing as I immerse myself in readings on codependency.

I'm on step 2 also. Step 1 was easy, so obvious. I like the "began to believe". I'm still at that point. My belief in god is very ambiguous. I almost want to act 'as if I believe'.

What is obvious is that I have no control over ANY other human being...just myself, and even that is iffy if I am unaware of the forces of my own addictions and the past and my habits. I too am doing a lot of reading and going to meetings when I can. The real life meetings are the best.

Step 2
 

For step 2 I always had faith in God. I grew up catholic and going to church and praying when life got hard. My parents have always been big on enforcing God and when I was a freshman in college I really developed a relationship with God. I really believe too that is why no matter how crazy things got and how angry and sad I just prayed and I believe that's what kept me loving my addict an truly loving him no matter what happened.

But I think one of the hardest thing I'm facing right now is a broken heart. My addict dumped me recently when his life finally turned around and I'm just having such a hard time letting go an letting god. I love him so much but I know he wants to figure himself out and live his life for himself for once. I just can't keep wondering are we ever gonna get back together. Is the love really gone :( I really hope not but I have to trust in God that every thing has a purpose whether I see it now or not.

I am so sorry for your pain. What wonderful growth that you trust in God. Everything does have a purpose, at least in my life. It's not uncommon for much time to pass before I do understand the purpose.

Sending you hugs of support! :hug: