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My Journey, Step 10

Old 06-19-2012, 10:02 AM
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My Journey, Step 10

With Step 10 we try to keep our slate clean in order not to slip back into self-destructive patterns. Slips are especially likely to occur in times of stress, when it is natural to retreat into old, defensive behaviors. Recovery does not cure us of every human imperfection or eliminate all the pain in our lives. But it gives us the tools to deal with our problems and to continually work to improve ourselves

Just when I think I may have reached the top of the mountain, I find that I have really slid down a bit. So I need to get up, dust myself off, and keep going. I'm doing and I'm writing but I need a little extra help today.

What will help me continue to apply program tools when life gets rough?

How can I be patient with myself if I feel Iím not growing fast enough?

Did I get myself involved in any situation today that I had no business being in?

What can help me to accept myself as I make mistakes again and again?

Did fear or faith rule my actions today?

What negative traits did I exhibit today?

How did I try to fix anyone today?

How can I ďLet Go and Let God ď?

Did I abandon my own needs today? How?

How did I take on anyone elseís responsibility today?

What am I afraid will happen if I donít take on extra responsibility?
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Old 06-23-2012, 05:14 AM
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Yesterday was my last therapy session. The Psychologist tells me I have all the tools, I just need to keep working at using them. It's much easier to slip back to recognizable past behaviours; it's difficult to keep working at new tools. Detachment from the alcoholic is not easy because it is mutually exclusive to marriage. I suppose that is why most people here say: "Leave them."

If pity is what it is, then so be it. I'm the one who must live with myself. There is always a third option. I will not let her die alone. That one thought is what drives me to use the coping tools taught to me.

Some days are simply not easy <<<sigh>>>

This must be the step 10 struggle.
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Old 06-26-2012, 06:34 PM
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I just finished the book: "No More Letting Go" by Debra Jay.

I've had to stop and mentally rest for a bit. I've stopped reading the forum for a bit. I'm still writing and still "doing"

Still working the steps although at a much slower pace.
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Old 07-01-2012, 04:56 PM
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Did I abandon my own needs today? How?

In writing to a wonderful friend, I know I have abandoned my own needs for the needs of the alcoholic. As I told her, sometimes it is easier to surrender than to fight which results in internal peace. Perhaps that is why I needed my higher power because, to quote a wise friend,: "where you are right now is where you need to be, when you need to be somewhere else you will go there."
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