Chapter Eight: To Wives
 

Our drinking affects everyone around us, our friends, our families, our parents, our children and especially our spouses. Here an early member relates the common symptoms of a spouse of an alcoholic. "What symptomes?" You may ask. "I am not the one who is sick!" The truth is that alcoholism exhibited in one we love often harms us in ways that are very much like a sickness. We begin to lose all persective on what it is we can and what it is we cannot control in our lives and the lives of our loved ones.

In the same way that the authors show us through their experience what alcoholism is in the hope that we may see ourselves and thus perhaps decide to adopt the solution that worked for the authors, so too do the authors describe through their own experience an alcoholic family.

In the chapter To Wives the spouses of alcoholics describe what it's like to be married to an alcoholic (104:12-105:1). The alcoholic's drinking and the spouse's attempts to cope contribute to a household that can only be described as sick (104-108). The baffling nature of alcoholism puzzles us (107:18-21) until we recognize the symptoms of alcoholism. Helping us to identify the problem the authors spell out several different types of alcoholics (108:19-110:17). We are given practical advice on how to deal effectively with each type (110:18-113:26). What we should say to others (114:23-115:10) and what we should tell the children (115:11-14) are questions we can answer very similiar to ours. We are advised to avoid covering for the alcoholic (115:15-116:11) as in our experience this only makes matters worse by enabling alcoholic behavior to continue. The solution that the authors applied to their situation is clearly spelled out (116:12-15). The reasons why we need to apply the solution to ourselves are stated (116:14-117:2). We are warned of the ups and downs that are to be expected (117:3-118:8). The benefits of patience are extolled (118:9-16) and the pitfalls of resentment (118:17-119:3) and jealousy (119:4-16) are pointed out. Attitudes are suggested that can help us to adopt this new way of life (119:14-120:3). Slips are addressed (120:4-9) and we are told not to blame ourselves for them or try to arrange the affairs of our alcoholic to lessen the chance of temptation. God has either removed the problem or not (120:10-20). Even if our loved one does not recovery we can find the solution to our own problems through adopting this way of life.

The experience of those who have gone before us can be a great comfort during such trying times. The hope that the wonderful way of life they have adopted is also available to us gladdens our hearts and encourages us to follow their well trodden path.

The Blueprint
 

The Alcoholic Home: Wives of alcoholics understand the devastation wrought by this illness

Illness: Classifying alcoholics helps us to see the stage of alcoholism that our loved one is in.

Solution: What we can expect during the early stages of our loved one's recovery is described.

I just wanted to say, as a wife of an adict in AA, this chapter helped me so much. It's a very powerful chapter. I recomend all women in relationship with an adict read it. It will help you see things from their pov's (point of view).

Thanks for breaking down the chapters, it's a wonderful thing for those who are second guessing sitting down & reading the big book.

:) LC

:herewego