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My Journey, Step 7

Old 06-02-2012, 12:24 PM
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My Journey, Step 7

Then, for the first time in the Twelve Steps, we ask God directly for help. We neither grovel, regarding our needs as shameful, nor do we demand, treating our needs as all-important. There are a variety of ways to ask. We may pray, meditate, visualize, write, speak aloud, or sing our requests, but whatever form we choose, we communicate our desire to be free of excess baggage. We simply speak from the heart.

I can do this. I am a writer and I am empathic. Sometimes I just need to realize that I have let go because I now know I can't do anything about it. That's all fine and good but the next step is asking for help from the only one who has the power to help and that is God. I have done a lot of thinking recently and regardless of my feelings about organized religion, I do believe in God. To believe in the existance of God means I have the ability to ask for help. I am asking for help.

I suddenly realized that much of my zealous working of the program had been the exercise of my own limited power. With a new and sincere humility, I asked God to remove my shortcomings. When I saw the alcoholic the next morning, it was as if a veil had been lifted from my eyes. I saw her suffering, struggling to stay sober, and I had compassion for my own struggle as well. My self-pity and resentment were gone.

In my mind and under my circumstances I need to focus entirely on this single idea:

I see her suffering, struggling to stay sober, and I have compassion for my own struggle as well. My self-pity and resentment are gone.


What does humility mean to me? List people know who possess this trait.

Humility means the ability to be respectful and empathetic

How am I humble? What can help me to be more so?

I'd like to think I'm working towards that goal but I know I'm nowhere near it. Practice by action (shop at Walmart without judgement)

What old behaviors get in the way of my being humble?

Being judgemental and being critical.

What defects am I ready to have removed?

Being judgemental and critical.

Do I believe that my Higher Power can rid me of my defects? How do I know this?

Yes. I just need to believe that I am willing to let God rid me of these defects. It's not something I can just will....I need help.

Am I ready to ask God to remove my defects?

Yes

I have some quiet reflection to do now.
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Old 06-02-2012, 03:46 PM
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I found this in a post from Ann about 7 years ago. I needed this:

Letting go is acknowledging that there is a greater power that flows through us that has our best interest at heart. Without any effort on our parts, we can let go to this power and allow. By not resisting, we can let our lives flow like a river from our hearts, making room in our lives for everything that needs to be there and allowing other things to pass by and move on. The joy of life is in the standing still and allowing. We discover that peace comes in when we cease to struggle. When we know we are in a dream, everything can be released

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...your-life.html
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Old 06-03-2012, 11:18 AM
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I'm halfway through the book: "The Addictive Personality" Interesting how I bought the book to understand my AW and I am learning more about me and what I should do. It's almost like being a codie is an addictive personality.

There is a thread about the pot calling the kettle black. I could be the pot.....and I'm not the alcoholic. Something to think about. Still working on that one line from yesterday:

I see her suffering, struggling to stay sober, and I have compassion for my own struggle as well. My self-pity and resentment are gone.
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Old 06-04-2012, 03:04 PM
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I need to dramatically narrow my focus. I have read tens of thousands of posts and I see the underlying lessons. Sharing becomes redundant to the search function. I can't do anything for her anymore except wait. I can finish this step study and see how I come out the other end.

How do I humbly ask God to take my shortcomings?

ask and pray. Long walks help when asking.

Which shortcoming is causing me the most trouble right now? What benefits do I get from it? What problems does it cause?

Patience and resentment. Not a damn thing. gives me negative thoughts and feelings.

How can I treat myself with compassion in my recovery and ask for the willingness to keep trying?

Honestly? I'm at the point where I have no choice. It's like being in hospice care with an uncooperative patient.

Do I have a sponsor? If I donít have one, how can I ask someone to help me?

No. Yes.


What character defects will I have to overcome to allow myself to turn to a sponsor for help?

None

What can I do to cooperate with my Higher Power in removing my shortcomings?

Realize and believe that I can't do a damn thing about it and it is in his hands now.

What positive changes can I make in myself?

More patience; less resentment.

What positive trait do I want to develop or substitute for a trait I want to eliminate?

Kindness

What can I do this week to practice a positive trait?

Go shopping at Walmart with a positive attitude

Have I had any fears removed from my life? Which ones?

Yes. Death

What negative behaviors or traits are lessening or have been removed?

I'm working very hard at not having a need for approval or a need for control.

What slogan could remind me to find a substitute for a negative behavior I wish to release?

if youíre going to talk the talk, youíve got to walk the walk

Am I able to see challenges as opportunities to practice new character traits?

Yes

Am I able to laugh fondly at my mistakes and not be devastated when I am not perfect? Can I love and celebrate my humanness while working for balance?

Yes....I am a Dad to a wonderful daughter

As I turn my defects over to God, are new shortcomings coming to light? If so, can I continue to ask God for help?

Working on it.

As I work Step Seven, do I see a change in relationship with my Higher Power?

Yes....every day
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Old 06-04-2012, 08:21 PM
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It doesn't make sense to be impatient or resentful towards my alcoholic wife because it is MY choice to be with her. How is it right to be impatient or resentful of someone I CHOOSE to be with. I can't change her nor do I even have the right to change her. She has the same right as I do to live our lives the way we want. Who am I to judge? Only God judges....not me. If I don't like it; then I should leave and, since I CHOOSE not to, then how is it right to blame her. I get it !!!!!

I see her suffering, struggling to stay sober, and I have compassion for my own struggle as well. My self-pity and resentment are gone.


~ Staying on the Path ~


Your circumstances do not determine
what your life will be;
they reveal what kinds of images you
have chosen up until now.

To change yourself,
look at what you fear
and what you hate.
Start There.

We are all at once teachers and learners
in every encounter of our lives.

What's over is over.
You did what you knew how to do.
It wasn't right or wrong or good or bad.
It just was. But all you've got is today.
You can't have it back.

You're always alone,
but you're only lonely if you don't like
the person you're alone with.

Your love is located within you.
It is yours to nurture and savor.
It is yours to give in any way you choose.
This is true for others as well.

If someone you love fails to return
the love the way you would like it returned,
that is the other person's choice.
It doesn't at all detract from your love.

Whatever is going on inside of you
is up to you. You own it all.
It's yours.

Get your nose out of everybody else's garden.
Get your own in order, and stop focusing on
everybody else's. Grow what you want to grow
in your garden.

All that you need
in order to have total happiness,
fulfilllment, and love in your life
you already have right now,
whoever you are, wherever you are.

Everything I ever worried about
turned out exactly as it was going to
despite my worry moments
to the contrary.

You mustn't attempt to will anything.
You need only be willing.

There is a rhythm to the universe.
When we are able to get quiet enough,
we experience how we are a part of that
perfect rhythm.

Advance confidently in the direction
of your dreams to live the life that
you have imagined.
That's when you have success.

Each of us has a well of infinite depth
within us, which contains more potential
for creativity than we can
ever imagine.

No one can depress you.
No one can make you anxious. No one
can hurt your feelings. No one can make
you anything other than what
you allow inside.

With everything
that has happened to you,
you can either feel sorry for yourself,
or treat what has happened as a gift.
Everything is either an opportunity to grow
or an obstacle to keep you from growing.
You get to choose.

When you argue for your limitations,
all you get are your
limitations.

Live...Be you...Enjoy...Love.



Dr. Wayne Dyer
Staying on the Path
Hay House Inc., Carson, CA 1995
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Old 06-05-2012, 09:39 AM
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Peace is finally here

I see her suffering, struggling to stay sober, and I have compassion for my own struggle as well. My self-pity and resentment are gone.

Sometimes the greatest "Aha Moment" occurs when we're not looking for it. I found it in the middle of Step 7 and while exploring thoughts of others who had already "got it" Profound, yet so simple.

For a man who spent a lifetime fixing the world for others, it was with a great sense of relief to realize I could "pass the torch" to God. Some call it a Higher Power. Call it what we may....but I found solace in giving up all those fears that were pushing me down that hole of despair.

It's not that I no longer care about my alcoholic wife....I care deeply. It's just that I can no longer fix her. I can detach with love.

She will die but she will not die alone. That is my peace. I see her suffering, struggling to stay sober, and I have compassion for my own struggle as well. My self-pity and resentment are gone.

Time to finish the steps and live out my life in peace.
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