irisgardens

I cannot control the addicts who use drugs and alcohol in my life...there have been so many...parents, husband, children...now a heroin addicted daughter in the streets...

I cannot control anybody...nobody...not the people in my life or the circumstances...or anything.

I need to just let it go...I am so clear about my powerlessness...why am I here again...every time I go to a deeper level...or get discouraged...and the worries and fears appear...I come here...I admit I am powerless over anything...

Dear God help me.

irisgardens

Well...it has been 9 mos since I wrote the above...I just never seem to get it...I dove in deep to try to 'help' daughter and here I sit...no family (they don't even respond to me anymore...just say to live my own life and be happy or criticize me for not doing and being what and who they want--they give nothing)--addict daughter did first round through the court system...judge and DA did their best to help her but she is so unwilling...by the end...everybody was mad at me for showing up...I showed up all the way until the final one where it was a bench warrant for her if she didn't show up. I let go. I can't do this God...I can't and I won't. I am the only one who feels it. I am so tired and so so disappointed and disillusioned...but took some steps with children to set boundaries before court date...and I told them all I am walking on...no response...I asked for a raise..twice....so at least I am doing something...but I am tired...and I have no one but me...and God...so that better be enough. I cannot come here again. I am so ******* fried and angry with me. What the **** is wrong with me?

LSC1

Irisgardens (((hugs))) have you tried Alanon .. sounds like you need support and recovery ... sorry I have no words of wisdom ... I am married to an alcoholic ....
I think it is time you start looking after yourself.

Lenina

((((irisgarden))))

it was a long time for me to learn this lesson. That I cannot control anyone. That they have to experience addiction in their own way and I must be patience with their progress. Things will probably never be the way I think they should be. I needed to learn how to work on myself. it doesn't have to change who I love, but how I love, if that makes sense.

love from Lenina

irisgardens

LSCI--thank you.

I am working with a therapist...and I follow the 12 steps and have done recovery for years...

i am going through real hard times with so much letting go and I have a lot of trauma too...and I need to just do what I can at my own pace...

i am trying very hard...to do for me what is healthy...not so easy...but trying...

need to go slow...and there is so much...

aspen1970

What do I tell the children when I admit I am powerless over my AH? They do not understand and look to me to fix things. I used to wonder why my mother didn't "do anything" about my father when he drank.

chicory

Aspen, I don't have any experience to share on your situation. I am sorry it is so hard for you.
I do know that your children are blessed to have a sober , loving parent to make them feel safer, and protected.

irisgardens

LSCI--I attended my first alanon meeting yesterday afternoon after a long, long hiatus. It was good. I will attend a naranon meeting today. I will not be able to make it through without more recovery.

irisgardens

aspen...i, too, used to 'wonder' ... as i seek to just admit that i am powerless over pretty much anything and everything in my life right now...and just need to turn things over...i am going to choose to work my program, attend meetings as I know they help...did them before...and to focus on what I can do.

I, too, know that your children are blessed to have a non-addict parent...and send you blessings.

irisgardens

I am crashing...but holding to my naranon meeting every week...someone in SR suggested that I might be experiencing a spiritual awakening...it is really hard. The anxiety and wanting/needing to cry is really hard...I was taught that big girls don't cry...but I have no choice right now. Things seem to be crashing in and I am just clinging to the naranon and the emotions are running through me...but it is the just not knowing what to do...the pushing through doing things that I feel I can't do...but they are things for me...so I need to do them...I finally applied for the unemployment, got my resume together...but crashed this week with 3 interviews and anxiety attacks. Now, my insurance has terminated (I was waiting for COBRA notice but didn't get any and had to reach back to the ex boss which was easier this time...but being let go with 'it isn't working out' and I am just out of hope right now. Have the therapist...left the doctor a message asking for the prescription to be sent to a drug store so that I can get it...but I am out of ideas...feels as if I am all alone...I am holding on to the fact that I went to naranon last night and read my literature today...but was a wreck 3 of the 4 days this week.

schnappi99

Living with emotions is a change for me- I found not reacting to or dismissing them to something akin to discovering a new room in the house I never knew of before. I had a wave of depression a couple months ago, I started journalling about it at my sponsor's suggestion, which helped. Now challenged by my father being diagnosed last week with bladder cancer.. scary.. I've always disliked uncertainty now I have to learn to live with it one day at a time. Sounds corny but my dad seems to appreciate me being honest about emotions and just being there without making a production.

Keep on iris, things will change- the emotional storm will subside, spiritual awakenings will occur in their own time.

irisgardens

schnappi99--thank you...thank you...thank you...

irisgardens

I prayed to my HP (I call it God) yesterday and after posting this slept...got a bit of relief and then realized that I had gotten answers to some emails I had sent--to ex boss re COBRA package (never received it although I know they sent it from a third party), a message from my doctor that he had left a written prescription (so I can pick it up on Monday as it was after hours by then) and then also...a kind person at the health insurance business offices who sent me an email copy of the election form so that I could speed up the time to get them paid (which thanks to my HP, I was given severance so can afford a few months as everything takes so much time...between my emotional state and the severe anxiety about going down without any support).

So, I was blessed and helped by my HP while I slept...and I will be able to get the medication on Monday and I am just simplifying and praying and being grateful for all the good things...schnappi...you were part of that...thank you.

WMJ1012

Hello Iris
Honestly? Step 1 is something I return to every day. I'm human. Of course I want to control stuff but then I remember I have a Higher Power who's in charge.

I breathe a deep breath.
I behold the beauty of anything around me.
I give thanks for my life.
It'll be ok.

But not really knowing if God exists (blind faith) makes it hard to trust and let go. Letting go goes to a much deeper level at Step 11 when we're having a spiritual awakening.

When a human being reaches a crisis point (Step 1), it's a blessing because they will then do just what you're doing...scouring the ends if the earth for a Solution.

There is one. Seek and ye shall find. Ask HP to bring it to you and when you are ready, He will.

May God bless you and keep you until then.

Hawks

A guy in my group faced the same dilemma years ago.

Try to help his two (at the time) teenage boys or let them go.

He let go and They fell and fell quickly.

Guess what?

Both of them now sit (in their early 20's) in the same meeting with their Dad.

He couldn't control their outcomes.... But let go and let God?

The results speak for themselves