Step one - ACCEPTANCE
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: St. Louis, Mo. USA
Posts: 265
Step one - ACCEPTANCE
Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over the addict ~ that our lives had become unmanageable.
For me this one is simple. I wouldn't be here if I had the control I would like to have. But the Addicts in my life have shown me repeatably that I am powerless over them and there addiction. Thus they have mad my live a mess and unmanageable any more.
I accept that I have no control over the addicts in my life and that I can only control myself.
I accept that they have made me obsess over them and there needs so much my life has become out of my control. Like it's not my life anymore.
They say acceptance is always the first step to any problem... I accept this is a problem for me. I want MY life back!
For me this one is simple. I wouldn't be here if I had the control I would like to have. But the Addicts in my life have shown me repeatably that I am powerless over them and there addiction. Thus they have mad my live a mess and unmanageable any more.
I accept that I have no control over the addicts in my life and that I can only control myself.
I accept that they have made me obsess over them and there needs so much my life has become out of my control. Like it's not my life anymore.
They say acceptance is always the first step to any problem... I accept this is a problem for me. I want MY life back!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: St. Louis, Mo. USA
Posts: 265
Think or feel about step one.
Can you accept the fact that you truly are powerless? Has your life revolved around the addict more than YOU ?
To me Step One is about acceptance. Accepting the facts that we are "second hand addicts" ourselves. Were addicted to the addicts And we try to help and fix them when we can only control ourselves.
... does that help?
Can you accept the fact that you truly are powerless? Has your life revolved around the addict more than YOU ?
To me Step One is about acceptance. Accepting the facts that we are "second hand addicts" ourselves. Were addicted to the addicts And we try to help and fix them when we can only control ourselves.
... does that help?
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Sure. In my case, we are in deep enough that we are pretty well past that.
My acceptance is that Mrs. Hammer has a long-term Mental Illness. The various "A" names (alcohol, addiction, abuse, anorexia, etc.) are all just front-end features of the underlying Mental Illness.
Not so much a second-hand addiction, at this point. Pretty tired of it all by now, myself.
My acceptance is that Mrs. Hammer has a long-term Mental Illness. The various "A" names (alcohol, addiction, abuse, anorexia, etc.) are all just front-end features of the underlying Mental Illness.
Not so much a second-hand addiction, at this point. Pretty tired of it all by now, myself.
God's Kid
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,820
I got a bit of a shock when someone in Al Anon told me that nobody was 'forcing me' to act out on any of my obsessional behaviour but that I was doing it by my own choice.
It was a revelation to learn I blamed the alcoholic as much for my behaviour as he blamed me for his.
My god, did that hurt!
It was a revelation to learn I blamed the alcoholic as much for my behaviour as he blamed me for his.
My god, did that hurt!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Southern Maryland
Posts: 17
I am new to group today and to addiction. My son went into rehab Friday night. I am trying to accept that it's not my addiction but I also realize my family is addicted to his addiction. My 17 yr old daughter is doing good. She is level headed and realizes he has the problem and we did nothing to push him to drugs. It was his choice. I'm still struggling. I hoping through SR, Nar-Anon and other literature I will heal.
Thank you for all you do and God Bless.
Thank you for all you do and God Bless.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Lake Kiowa TX
Posts: 1
new here......but not to my recovery....my step 1
It took years and a lot of stubborn suffering before this moment arrived..to see myself.
It seemed I was Becoming less and less..
.I saw I developed a huge desire for separating from all pain and unpleasant happenings..And I saw that I was no different in many ways than the relationship that brought me to reach out.
Before this night;
Detaching with Anger helped me begin some thoughts about tough love and boundaries. I started to recover my life a bit. Then as I used the other tools of meetings and literature and quiet time, I began to feel I could detach with love.
And that is when I was able to see myself. During the process of Detaching with Love from my ALO, I was in fact detaching from myself.. Stepping back had this effect on me that night......
It is true, I was beginning to recover.....But it was still the DayDream that I was trying to recover, I saw that night....
I was walking with good ol Blue, my 4 legged best buddie, down by the waters edge, chanting the Serenity Prayer.
After my daughter had been arrested yet again.
So much struggle and so much tension.....It was a most amazing miracle to face myself without going into denial. To the best of my ability that night...
The very word ADMIT means to Allow Entry.
I recognized that something was missing in my perception of reality...
And I knew the last step spoke of spiritual awakening.
"We" admit, means others have gone before me, with this step....no need to beat myself up for Needing Step One. I felt the meaning of Powerless meant something was controlling me..
So I had some Clues.......and released prior beliefs..They were too confusing to me...There was Only the allowance of the first step into my consciousness.
Life Happening surrendured me to this path.....one dark night.....as I recognized that I am no better.....than any other....No different......
It was getting late and I saw the reflection of the moon in the water..The wave finally saw the whole. Some say don't mistake the finger pointing at the moon for the moon...I rather laughed. And there was a haze across the moon that lifted..Telling me to penetrate and remove the haze of emotion.
And then I realized that this path is NOT about self improvement....its not about curing any ills. its not about being free of all that goes with life. Its about waking up....Waking up or perishing by not living each day but dying a little more each day.
Living live on lifes terms seemed to be part of the answer......One I felt I already knew, but I spent time in the prison of my mind, questioning rather than living the answer.
All seemed Futile Now. All my previous Thoughts.....and the actions that followed......
How true! I thought...That we are our own worst enemies.
And then I saw, it was my very own thoughts that were controlling me.......
And so the spiritual seeker was born...acknowledging that with much needed guidance, suffering can be made into a growth experience.
A spiritual awakening....
.Instead of suffering as a verb; as in something I do...
The warmth that Anon-recovery brings as we use beginner tools, was Shattered by the darkness of reality.
However, Step One is really Good News, as before much time passed, light of faith in my own recovery was born.
And relief through peace was heartfelt.
So may I please say, if you find yourself crying your heart out, Life Happening is asking you to Allow Step One.
Pain is inevitable.......Suffering is Optional......one day at a time.......
....with love and gratitude for the First Step.....a work in progress....DebC
It took years and a lot of stubborn suffering before this moment arrived..to see myself.
It seemed I was Becoming less and less..
.I saw I developed a huge desire for separating from all pain and unpleasant happenings..And I saw that I was no different in many ways than the relationship that brought me to reach out.
Before this night;
Detaching with Anger helped me begin some thoughts about tough love and boundaries. I started to recover my life a bit. Then as I used the other tools of meetings and literature and quiet time, I began to feel I could detach with love.
And that is when I was able to see myself. During the process of Detaching with Love from my ALO, I was in fact detaching from myself.. Stepping back had this effect on me that night......
It is true, I was beginning to recover.....But it was still the DayDream that I was trying to recover, I saw that night....
I was walking with good ol Blue, my 4 legged best buddie, down by the waters edge, chanting the Serenity Prayer.
After my daughter had been arrested yet again.
So much struggle and so much tension.....It was a most amazing miracle to face myself without going into denial. To the best of my ability that night...
The very word ADMIT means to Allow Entry.
I recognized that something was missing in my perception of reality...
And I knew the last step spoke of spiritual awakening.
"We" admit, means others have gone before me, with this step....no need to beat myself up for Needing Step One. I felt the meaning of Powerless meant something was controlling me..
So I had some Clues.......and released prior beliefs..They were too confusing to me...There was Only the allowance of the first step into my consciousness.
Life Happening surrendured me to this path.....one dark night.....as I recognized that I am no better.....than any other....No different......
It was getting late and I saw the reflection of the moon in the water..The wave finally saw the whole. Some say don't mistake the finger pointing at the moon for the moon...I rather laughed. And there was a haze across the moon that lifted..Telling me to penetrate and remove the haze of emotion.
And then I realized that this path is NOT about self improvement....its not about curing any ills. its not about being free of all that goes with life. Its about waking up....Waking up or perishing by not living each day but dying a little more each day.
Living live on lifes terms seemed to be part of the answer......One I felt I already knew, but I spent time in the prison of my mind, questioning rather than living the answer.
All seemed Futile Now. All my previous Thoughts.....and the actions that followed......
How true! I thought...That we are our own worst enemies.
And then I saw, it was my very own thoughts that were controlling me.......
And so the spiritual seeker was born...acknowledging that with much needed guidance, suffering can be made into a growth experience.
A spiritual awakening....
.Instead of suffering as a verb; as in something I do...
The warmth that Anon-recovery brings as we use beginner tools, was Shattered by the darkness of reality.
However, Step One is really Good News, as before much time passed, light of faith in my own recovery was born.
And relief through peace was heartfelt.
So may I please say, if you find yourself crying your heart out, Life Happening is asking you to Allow Step One.
Pain is inevitable.......Suffering is Optional......one day at a time.......
....with love and gratitude for the First Step.....a work in progress....DebC
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
I'm finding that every unsolvable conflict, at least in my life, begins and ends with Step One. I agree that it's all about acceptance.
My daughter is, just for today, recovering from her addiction. Her disease lead me towards recovering and discovering my life. Because of her disease, I learned I can take what I need and leave the rest with every thought, thing, and person in my life.
Over the last couple of years I've been working towards closure with all sorts of loose ends. Some are events, some are family of origin issues. They all require acceptance before closure can happen.
During a recent road trip to my old home and family of origin, I couldn't help but think about all the things I couldn't seem to accept. I kept asking myself "why do I have such a hard time accepting ____ and letting go?" The answer was simple: because I didn't want to. I didn't want to accept a thousand and one unacceptable words and actions, that devastated my life.
So with each mile on the highway, I began to say out loud all the things I did not want to accept. I started each sentence "I do not want to accept ____." I used every bit of those 600 miles, too.
By stating what I did not want to accept, I identified truth and reality, and was able to find acceptance and closure with people and events beyond my control.
With acceptance, I own all the parts of my life, especially the painful and traumatic ones. They no longer own me.
My life feels much more manageable now
My daughter is, just for today, recovering from her addiction. Her disease lead me towards recovering and discovering my life. Because of her disease, I learned I can take what I need and leave the rest with every thought, thing, and person in my life.
Over the last couple of years I've been working towards closure with all sorts of loose ends. Some are events, some are family of origin issues. They all require acceptance before closure can happen.
During a recent road trip to my old home and family of origin, I couldn't help but think about all the things I couldn't seem to accept. I kept asking myself "why do I have such a hard time accepting ____ and letting go?" The answer was simple: because I didn't want to. I didn't want to accept a thousand and one unacceptable words and actions, that devastated my life.
So with each mile on the highway, I began to say out loud all the things I did not want to accept. I started each sentence "I do not want to accept ____." I used every bit of those 600 miles, too.
By stating what I did not want to accept, I identified truth and reality, and was able to find acceptance and closure with people and events beyond my control.
With acceptance, I own all the parts of my life, especially the painful and traumatic ones. They no longer own me.
My life feels much more manageable now
BabyMama2013
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Chippewa Falls,Wi
Posts: 1
This step is the hardest for me. I am a five year sober addict. This step was easy for my own recovery. I accepted that I had no control of my life as an addict so i gained control by getting sober and busting my hump to turn my life around.
But now I have a beautiful 3 and a half month old baby boy. My angel and new purpose for my life on earth. His father is a functioning alcoholic and addict. How do i accept this in concern to the anxieties in relation to my son? I cant control his father i know this. Can anyone whos been in this situation help?
But now I have a beautiful 3 and a half month old baby boy. My angel and new purpose for my life on earth. His father is a functioning alcoholic and addict. How do i accept this in concern to the anxieties in relation to my son? I cant control his father i know this. Can anyone whos been in this situation help?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Hi athornontherose
What are your primary concerns with your son's father? Perhaps if you listed those concerns out on a piece of paper and then addressed the amount of control you have over each of them....it might put it into perspective.
I was in your position many years ago. I tried to control the addict (my xah) until I was blue in the face.......the harder I tried, the worse he became. He made it pretty obvious that I had no control over the addict....and in trying to control him....my life quickly became unmanageable.
What are your primary concerns with your son's father? Perhaps if you listed those concerns out on a piece of paper and then addressed the amount of control you have over each of them....it might put it into perspective.
I was in your position many years ago. I tried to control the addict (my xah) until I was blue in the face.......the harder I tried, the worse he became. He made it pretty obvious that I had no control over the addict....and in trying to control him....my life quickly became unmanageable.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 15
I am having a hard time with this one.... Realistically, do I know I am powerless? yes. But I still feel like if I say or do things differently then maybe he wouldn't have relapsed in the first place. I know that no one can force another to drink, it is always THEIR decision. I feel like my behavior (anger, rude comments, inability to accept that the past is the past, etc.) "pushed" him to drinking.
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