Here I Go!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 398
Here I Go!
We admitted we were powerless over others and that our lives had become unmanageable.
Step 1..... is going to be particularly hard for me. Through the advice I've gained so far on SR, I've learned a lot! But, alas, I am a control freak!!!
I AM POWERLESS OVER OTHERS
I'm going to have to deal with the fact that I am powerless over others.
This may take a while. I've been in control since I was a child. I raised myself and helped raise my sisters. Through my life, I've learned to get what I want. I've learned to do this by being friendly and nice at first (smile....bat eyes) and if that doesn't work, I can be quite manipulative, finally, I am super good at sulking and holding grudges.
I'm a high achiever. I'm a great mother. I don't want my children to have to participate in adulthood until they're actually adults. I have a great career and I really do enjoy helping others....especially when they take my advice and it all works out for them.
I haven't had any success at controlling my AH! In fact, his addiction is controlling my life and I don't like that at all!
His addiction has certainly knocked me to the ground more times than I care to think about.
I really am powerless over my AH. I didn't cause it; can't control it; and can't cure it. I've tried to implement all of the above steps I use to control and none of them have worked. I told my AH yesterday that he's an adult and he can do what he wants. I'm finished being codie detective.
I can't control my AH anymore than I can control a stranger in another country. I can control how I react to others. I have to remember not to try to use my reactions in order to manipulate others.
So, if I don't have power over others (you know, those people who need me to run their lives for them ), who does? Why, they do, of course!
I am powerless over addiction. I am powerless over others.
MY LIFE IS UNMANAGEABLE
If you take a look at my office, my home, even me, anyone could tell that I'm not only having a bad day....or week.....or month......I'm having a bad few years. There's clutter and chaos everywhere. I'm surviving, but just barely.
I just want to sleep and then have some magic fairy come in and fix everything. She'd clean my house, get rid of the kids clothes that don't fit them, get out winter clothes, plan our meals for the next month, go grocery shopping, catch up the laundry, clean my car, organize my office, close my cases, prepare for hearings, run my kids to school, soccer, football, church, etc., pay my bills, and finally whip my AH into shape! Then, I'd have fairy dust sprinkled on me and I'd wake up and be oh so happy!
Magic Fairy!!!
Yes, everything about my life is unmanageable, which causes me great stress, because you know, I at least need to control my own life. All this stress and unmanageablitliy and chaos makes me physically tired and sick. My medication helps, so that's good.
Maybe now that I'm finished trying to control others, including my AH, I can spend more time on making me feel less stressed and more accomplished. I'll start today with a short list of things to accomplish. Instead of worrying about my AH and where's he's at with his recovery or addiction or whatever, I'll worry about things I can control.
Now, that I've made it through the first sentence of Step 1, I'll stop typing. I'm going to work through the questions later.
Step 1..... is going to be particularly hard for me. Through the advice I've gained so far on SR, I've learned a lot! But, alas, I am a control freak!!!
I AM POWERLESS OVER OTHERS
I'm going to have to deal with the fact that I am powerless over others.
This may take a while. I've been in control since I was a child. I raised myself and helped raise my sisters. Through my life, I've learned to get what I want. I've learned to do this by being friendly and nice at first (smile....bat eyes) and if that doesn't work, I can be quite manipulative, finally, I am super good at sulking and holding grudges.
I'm a high achiever. I'm a great mother. I don't want my children to have to participate in adulthood until they're actually adults. I have a great career and I really do enjoy helping others....especially when they take my advice and it all works out for them.
I haven't had any success at controlling my AH! In fact, his addiction is controlling my life and I don't like that at all!
His addiction has certainly knocked me to the ground more times than I care to think about.
I really am powerless over my AH. I didn't cause it; can't control it; and can't cure it. I've tried to implement all of the above steps I use to control and none of them have worked. I told my AH yesterday that he's an adult and he can do what he wants. I'm finished being codie detective.
I can't control my AH anymore than I can control a stranger in another country. I can control how I react to others. I have to remember not to try to use my reactions in order to manipulate others.
So, if I don't have power over others (you know, those people who need me to run their lives for them
), who does? Why, they do, of course!I am powerless over addiction. I am powerless over others.
MY LIFE IS UNMANAGEABLE
If you take a look at my office, my home, even me, anyone could tell that I'm not only having a bad day....or week.....or month......I'm having a bad few years. There's clutter and chaos everywhere. I'm surviving, but just barely.
I just want to sleep and then have some magic fairy come in and fix everything. She'd clean my house, get rid of the kids clothes that don't fit them, get out winter clothes, plan our meals for the next month, go grocery shopping, catch up the laundry, clean my car, organize my office, close my cases, prepare for hearings, run my kids to school, soccer, football, church, etc., pay my bills, and finally whip my AH into shape! Then, I'd have fairy dust sprinkled on me and I'd wake up and be oh so happy!
Magic Fairy!!!Yes, everything about my life is unmanageable, which causes me great stress, because you know, I at least need to control my own life. All this stress and unmanageablitliy and chaos makes me physically tired and sick. My medication helps, so that's good.
Maybe now that I'm finished trying to control others, including my AH, I can spend more time on making me feel less stressed and more accomplished. I'll start today with a short list of things to accomplish. Instead of worrying about my AH and where's he's at with his recovery or addiction or whatever, I'll worry about things I can control.
Now, that I've made it through the first sentence of Step 1, I'll stop typing. I'm going to work through the questions later.
Learning to LIve
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: NSW Australia
Posts: 908
MY LIFE IS UNMANAGEABLE
If you take a look at my office, my home, even me, anyone could tell that I'm not only having a bad day....or week.....or month......I'm having a bad few years. There's clutter and chaos everywhere. I'm surviving, but just barely.
I just want to sleep and then have some magic fairy come in and fix everything. She'd clean my house, get rid of the kids clothes that don't fit them, get out winter clothes, plan our meals for the next month, go grocery shopping, catch up the laundry, clean my car, organize my office, close my cases, prepare for hearings, run my kids to school, soccer, football, church, etc., pay my bills, and finally whip my AH into shape! Then, I'd have fairy dust sprinkled on me and I'd wake up and be oh so happy!
Magic Fairy!!!
Me too ...one day at time I am getting my life and house back in order...keep strong.
If you take a look at my office, my home, even me, anyone could tell that I'm not only having a bad day....or week.....or month......I'm having a bad few years. There's clutter and chaos everywhere. I'm surviving, but just barely.
I just want to sleep and then have some magic fairy come in and fix everything. She'd clean my house, get rid of the kids clothes that don't fit them, get out winter clothes, plan our meals for the next month, go grocery shopping, catch up the laundry, clean my car, organize my office, close my cases, prepare for hearings, run my kids to school, soccer, football, church, etc., pay my bills, and finally whip my AH into shape! Then, I'd have fairy dust sprinkled on me and I'd wake up and be oh so happy!
Magic Fairy!!!Me too ...one day at time I am getting my life and house back in order...keep strong.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
It's a good start! I know many people with really good intentions who never take any action at all. You've stepped out and started on your recovery journey. And we are here to walk with you, to hold your hand when you stumble and to cheer you on every step of the way!
BIG hugs
Cats
BIG hugs
Cats
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
Faithlove: Great thread. I hope all is going well for you!
I relate to the "my life is unmanageable." I've mostly given up obsessing about things out of my control at home, at work, in my family, etc., and also give myself credit for having a better attitude and being more realistic about my expectations; though, this has taken a lot of practice and time and I'm sure I'll have to continue to work on it and stay on top of it. Anyway, I am pleased to have reached this point.
CatsPajamas: I love your signature line, What other people think of me is really none of my business! Repeating this in my head and really believing it has helped immensely lately when I begin to get caught up in stressing about what others think of me.
I relate to the "my life is unmanageable." I've mostly given up obsessing about things out of my control at home, at work, in my family, etc., and also give myself credit for having a better attitude and being more realistic about my expectations; though, this has taken a lot of practice and time and I'm sure I'll have to continue to work on it and stay on top of it. Anyway, I am pleased to have reached this point.
CatsPajamas: I love your signature line, What other people think of me is really none of my business! Repeating this in my head and really believing it has helped immensely lately when I begin to get caught up in stressing about what others think of me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 398
I'm back to making an effort to work these steps. I guess I was able to get my AH and his addiction "under control" just a little bit.....or so I thought......and I totally shifted my focus from me to him and his addiction.
Everything fell apart. Of course it did.
These last few months have made me realize just how unmanagable my life had become!!! I took steps to manage my life again. I moved out and am now living separate from my AH. It was hard at first because I'm quite fickle and am easily swayed from the decisions I make. After letting my AH come over to my new house a few times and realizing/reminding myself just why I left, I've stopped having him over.
Sadly, the less contact I have with my AH, the more manageable my life becomes.
Yesterday evening I was able to enjoy a beautiful summer evening with my precious children and our sweet dog. It was awesome!
I re-read my original post on this thread, which was very helpful. It helped me focus. I am attending Al-Anon meetings but the groups are so small that I don't know if I'll find a sponsor soon.
Anyway, thanks for reading and for the encouragement.
Everything fell apart. Of course it did.
These last few months have made me realize just how unmanagable my life had become!!! I took steps to manage my life again. I moved out and am now living separate from my AH. It was hard at first because I'm quite fickle and am easily swayed from the decisions I make. After letting my AH come over to my new house a few times and realizing/reminding myself just why I left, I've stopped having him over.
Sadly, the less contact I have with my AH, the more manageable my life becomes.
Yesterday evening I was able to enjoy a beautiful summer evening with my precious children and our sweet dog. It was awesome!
I re-read my original post on this thread, which was very helpful. It helped me focus. I am attending Al-Anon meetings but the groups are so small that I don't know if I'll find a sponsor soon.
Anyway, thanks for reading and for the encouragement.
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