eatcheese

I just found this site. Wife just dropped the bombshell on me a couple days ago. I was somewhat clueless, she was hiding it all. Now all the little things, all the little lies all make since now. All the crazy arguments. All the forgotten conversations. All the lies. It all makes sense now it was because she was drunk.

Now, I am stuck with the I'm alcoholic and getting help. She doesn't want to talk about the lies she told and the ridiculous behavior and the hundreds spent on booze. The mental abuse of our children. She wants me to be supportive. I want to scream at her because of the lies. She says she needs time before we discuss. it. I don't want to wait. So now I'm not talking to her. I only talk to her if it's necessary, she gets mad because I won't be "normal" with her. She wants me to be her buddy right now. I am thinking about telling her to leave.

I'm pissed. I'm aggravated. I almost don't care. Not sure if I even want to be apart of this healing process, because, well because it's not the first time she has lied to me and put our relationship on the line. I feel like a fool because I didn't know. I should have known.

Am I innocent in all of this? No, but I am not the reason she choose this path. Well, that's what she has told me anyways. Was I blind because I was working my ass off because she didn't have a job, yes. Was I blind because of not wanting to deal with ridiculous conversations and talking to a brick wall, yes. Was I blind because I stopped caring, because of her behavior, yes.

I'm sorry for venting. I guess I am posting because I want to know.......... is this normal for them not to want to talk about it so soon after starting to get help? Will she ever want to talk about it or will she try to act like it was no BIG DEAL?

I love her. She is the mother of my children. We use to be friends. she has been to 1 AA meeting.

So, Step 1, Not sure if I want to do this, does it work?

bbthumper

I know for me and millions of others, the 12 steps have been the answer to so much more than our drinking problems. Families are healed, broken relationships are mended, happiness is found and life gets better. The key is it takes time. It is not easy for anyone involved. My wife came closer to leaving me while I was in recovery than she ever did when I was using. Today our relationship is better than ever. There is a lot of damage done to everyone involved in an alcoholic's life. It takes effort on everyone's part to get well. Have you considered Alanon?

Hexipuff

I agree totally with BB. Alanon would be a good place for YOU to get support through this.

I can wholly understand your anger. I am an alcoholic and I behaved very badly towards my husband when I was drinking - the lying I did was terrible, cruel and disrespectful.
In the first weeks of sobriety I was not in a fit state to talk things through. I did not understand myself and could not explain my feelings well and rationally to anyone.
I too attend AA and gradually over the weeks I have become to understand my alcoholism and gain a more rational view on my actions and my life. I now after time can discuss the things I am ashamed of with my loved ones and try to make amends. I can appreciate though that waiting for this to happen must of been hard for my husband.

I hope this works out for you and your wife. Read around on this site and I feel you will find words and support from people who have experienced the hell you are going through

Best wishes to you.

NancyEllen

A really excellent book is Addictive Thinking-Understanding Self-Deception by Abraham Twerski, MD. I read it about a month ago and now I am rereading it. One of the best help books I have read! Good Luck. This is a very long road you will travel.