Windmills

I'm following the Families Anonymous step study workbook. it's more in depth than the AlAnon one I think, it requires a lot more writing.
I'm struggling a bit, the questions are so open, I could write essays for each one! I keep finding I'll write an answer; get to the end, read it back and then think 'hmm no that's not quite right' and start again. I've been going for maybe 5-6 hours over the course of 5 evenings and I'm still only on part 4 of 14. And I'm considering starting over again.
Am I crazy? Is anyone else a total perfectionist? I didn't used to be this bad, I'm totally terrified of making a mistake or writing too much or doing it wrong or sounding stupid. Which is ridiculous anyway because my sponsor has heard me say some of the stupidest things known to man and not batted an eyelid.
I have just discussed this issue with her and she vasicay told me to stop being ridiculous, I need to write how I feel, and she will set aside an entire afternoon to go over it with me if needs be. I still can't shake this craziness though!

Spes

Hi Windmills, I am both a writer and a recovering codie.

You are writing about your thoughts and feelings and hopess and dreams and whatever else comes to mind at that instant. It's called "stream of conscious" writing and it is wonderful. You are not being judged by your sponsor nor anyone else. This work you are doing is for you...not a college course for a grade.

Whatever you write is never to short nor is it ever to long. Whatever you write is not wrong nor is it stupid....what you write is you and you are wonderful. By writing what's on your mind without worrying about criticism is a very liberating feeling and part of our healing process.

You are doing great. Keep writing. Don't throw your wonderful thoughts in the trash can. Keep them and keep writing. Some day you'll go back to all your writing and see this fantastic journey you went on towards your growth and healing.

You are doing great !!!!!

pinkdog

Welcome to my world. I have been sober 2 years. I've been analyzing and posting everyday. Working thru anger, denial, acceptance, forgiveness and apologizing. I think it is important to understand as deeply as possible. It gives me power to have information. Hugs

CatsPajamas

As you work thru the steps, you learn more about yourself. First I noticed some interesting behaviors and traits - and then, it seemed, they got BIGGER and more obvious. My sponsor gently encouraged me to keep working and keep learning.

When I did my 4th step, I came to realize why I did some of those things. She helped me to learn that under most character defects was an asset that was a bit out of proportion.

Perhaps you will learn something similar as you go. The important part is to keep working on it. They say it's like peeling away an onion.... more will be revealed!

Hugs
Cats