brownhorse

I think I finally reached Step one a few months ago at an Al-anon meeting. I thought will if I didn't think there was a probably and I had lost control why am I here. But, this time is different because the end result is different. For me, I had to leave my AH. I know that is not the answer for everyone but Step 1 for me is admitting and following through with the fact that leaving him is the answer for me. No more "second chances".

At the Al-anon meeting someone that is normally quiet and does not say much looked right at me and said that she wished she had the strength to leave her AH years ago, before her children were "ruined" by it. My children will not forget, but they are still young enough to learn how to treat other people and that what he says to me and them is not normal. That people do not have to put up with being treated badly.

It is also amazing to me that the more I stop doing things for my AH the more he starts doing for himself and his kids. I am not there to do it for him they are all better for it. Including me! Finally, I can do stuff for me and actually feels like there is hope for a happy future. Before, I settled for some people have it worse for me. Now, I realize. I, and my kids, and even the AH deserve to have it good. Hope that makes sense. Thanks

CatsPajamas

Thanks for your post, brownhorse. I ended my marriage to my boys' father under similar circumstances... once I realized that my sons were learning how to treat their wives by watching how their father treated me. I couldn't leave for myself, but I could do it for them. And honestly - it was the best thing for everyone. He became a much better father and we all had a healthier life.

Step one is a big step. Realizing that we are powerless is really quite freeing! It can be a relief to know we aren't responsible for all that stuff after all.