Question about step 1
Peace, Love, Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 1,549
Are you talking about being in a relationship? Because if so, you can only change yourself, not others. It took me a very very long time to learn this. I blamed all of my problems on other people and it turned out it was me the entire time, my drinking.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 94
For me, I can still pray and have hope that the person will change one day. However, from working Step 1, I now realize that it is not up to me to continue to try and change that person. No matter what I do or don't do, I am not the one that has the power to change that person. I can only change myself and my reactions.
Peace, Love, Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 1,549
Well said. Also you can always pray for other people. 
You can't change them or force them to change but you can ask God (or whomever your higher power is) to help guide them in their life.
You can't change them or force them to change but you can ask God (or whomever your higher power is) to help guide them in their life.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
I think we can always have hope that our loved one will find a good path and will be able to be their happiest, healthiest, most perfect self.
For me, my hope for others changed as I learned more about my own recovery journey. At first, I wished and hoped for him to change so that I wouldn't continue to live in fear. Later, I hoped for myself - that I wouldn't continue to be afraid and that I would be better so that HE would want to be better. Still later, I realized that I was becoming happier and healthier, and he was still stuck where he was.
Now, I am grateful for my own journey and for the person I've become. My hope for him is that he finds peace in his own life, wherever he is.
For me, my hope for others changed as I learned more about my own recovery journey. At first, I wished and hoped for him to change so that I wouldn't continue to live in fear. Later, I hoped for myself - that I wouldn't continue to be afraid and that I would be better so that HE would want to be better. Still later, I realized that I was becoming happier and healthier, and he was still stuck where he was.
Now, I am grateful for my own journey and for the person I've become. My hope for him is that he finds peace in his own life, wherever he is.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 253
Originally Posted by Lilmssunshine 
Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol.
Does this mean that we cant have hope that the other person could change one day?
Does this mean that we cant have hope that the other person could change one day?
Then I finished reading "Under the Influence" which helped me a lot.
Then this afternoon, I decided to get into this study group because, while I got the schedule, I haven't gone to a F2F Al-Anon meeting yet.
So the first thread I read is yours that is the same question I would have asked. I realize that I am powerless over alcohol. Alcohol is killing my wonderful wife and I can't do a damn thing about it. Talk about powerless.
I think it was my hope that she would change some day that was causing me so much grief and sadness. Whether she changes because of something I do or say, or she changes because she decided on her own is beyond my power to do anything about. I'm going to re-read and think a lot about this first step.
I admit I am powerless over alcohol but I'm not ready to give up hoping she will change some day. I don't see that as a contradiction yet.....but then, this is the first step and I am committed to the whole journey.
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