Step one and the three C's
 

I am very new to all of this. I get that I cant "C"ontrol the alcoholic. I get that I cant "C"ure the alcoholic, and maybe I didnt cause it, but I think someone did. And maybe I did the 4th "C"ontributed. If you are an active addict and your kids end up as addicts, how can anyone say that was not the cause. If you mentally, emotionally, sexually abuse someone, didnt you cause it? Just ask someone in human trafficing on how to cause addiction as a way to control a person. I ask because my wifes father is an active alcoholic. Now she and her brother are alcoholics. Her brother spent over 2 years in prison because of it. He was pouring the drinks for her helping her sink further into the disease while my kids went unsupervised and were not fed on some occasions. 6, 5, 2, and 1 year olds at the time. If he comes into al-anon, do we tell him he is not to blame? How do I forgive him, or just let it go. My wife is in early recovery and demands he still be part of the family dynamic, though limited. But his very presence puts me on edge. His negative attitude is infecting my kids. He is still using but not around us. But you can see the alcoholic behavior when sober. Any feedback welcome.