Who has expressed concern about my behavior?
 

Not one person and that was an eye opener after I began working on myself.

I have very healthy friends and later realized I never shared my personal angst with them. Subconsciously I knew what I was doing was not healthy. Instead I gravitated towards others with major codie behaviors for validation.

Thankfully I started therapy again, and ironically I couldn't tolerate others trying to tell me what to do, how to be, all the shoulds. I wanted and needed all the air time. That selfish need has been part of saving my life.

I always used humor to deal with my crazy life. I used to have a group of girlfriends who got together once a month for dinner. They couldn't wait for the latest chapter in my ongoing saga. I had an audience, and I knew how to work the story so it was interesting, funny, scary, humorous, and always had a happy ending, more or less. I left big parts out, obviously - the terror we felt when my bipolar ex was on a downslide and was incredibly mean, and the engulfing loneliness I felt in my marriage and in my home.

Later, when I got into recovery and starting working on things, my time with those friends changed. I was more quiet when we got together, I spent more time listening to what was going on in their lives. Years later I learned that they thought I was making a lot of stuff up ... they couldn't comprehend how or WHY anyone would live like that.

I still see humor in things a lot, but it's not a denial or cover up mechanism like it used to be. And I have good recovery friends who know my life and love me, warts and all. Today I know it's healthy for me to have at least one person outside my home to whom I am accountable for my actions and with whom I can discuss my honest feelings.

Again, I'm reminded how much I've grown from doing this step work. I promise you, it works if you work it!