Finally accepting that I am powerless...

Old 09-18-2010, 07:58 AM
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Finally accepting that I am powerless...

Like Kindeyes, I am taking the month of September (or as long as it takes) to work Step One. I am eternally grateful to the members of Sober Recovery who birthed the idea of a Step Study here. I live in a rural area and any meetings are far and few between. So...

Funny how as I am working the first step, my AS calls and says he had to leave Detox and is at a local hospital as he has nowhere else to go.
It is 9:00 at night and the 28-day program he was "sure to get in" is closed for the day.
My husband and I go pick him up with the understanding that he will enter the program in the morning.

The next morning I take off work to drive him to the 28-day program. He says, "What if they don't take me?
I may need to stay with you for a few days until I can get in....."
I say, "You can't stay here. You will not get sober here. You will have to go to a homeless shelter if you can't get in."
He says, "How will I get there?" I say, "I don't know."

If I had not been working Step One, my responses would have been so different. In accepting my powerlessness over him and his disease, I am not only freeing myself, but freeing him from me also. I have always saved him, and yet wondered why he still acted like a small child never realizing that my actions were part of keeping him in that role. I believe I have taken a small step toward saving myself and allowing him to become what he chooses to be.
Oh, and as far as my life becoming unmanageable.... Yesterday, I went to work with my pants on backwards. :rotfxko
I hope you are all laughing with me!
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Old 09-18-2010, 09:54 AM
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I am laughing with you Hunny!!! I have went to work with my shirt on

So did your son get into detox?

I am getting ready to go see my daughter in rehab. She has been there for 5 months. I pray everyday that she "gets" it. I pray everyday that I "get" it too. We are powerless and our lives have become unmanageable. Have a good day Hunny.

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Old 09-19-2010, 07:05 PM
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♥gotahavfaith, Thank goodness I'm not the only one! I really felt like a freaky outsider at work. Luckily, a sweet nursing aide said, "Miss Hunny, come give me a hug!" When I hugged her she whispered in my ear, "Miss Hunny, your pants are on backwards!" LOL!

Well, my son left me a message tonight. He is living in a shelter for homeless men. I don't know whre he will go from here or if he will make it in to a 28-day program, but pray that he does and then rehab.

Your daughter has 5 months in rehab? That's amazing! ♥

I tell myself daily that "The lesson I must learn is simply that my control is limited to my own behavior."
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Old 09-19-2010, 07:53 PM
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oh Hunny......the nursing aide was an angel......that's the part that really cracked me up! What a perfect way to deliver the news that your pants were on backwards! I love it.

I'll be hanging with you in Step One for a bit.

Your interaction with your son was amazing and so courageous. I hope and pray that your son finds his way to rehab and that he embraces sobriety.

Addiction is a crazy sickness for all of us.

gentle hugs
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