Sponsor-less
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Sponsor-less
Ok....trying to stay on track with this 12 step process but I'm wondering....is it possible to do the steps without a sponsor? There are no sponsors in my Naranon Family Group and it is (I just found out) one of only three Naranon groups in the entire State.
We talked about it in our last meeting (the sponsor deficit) and I asked if there were any short term solutions to the problem. Someone suggested going to Alanon and getting a sponsor there. I've been to Alanon meetings (although I didn't feel "connected" at those meetings). I guess I could try some others as there are many Alanon groups in and around the area.
I made a comment after it was suggested that I might be able to get a sponsor at Alanon something to the effect that "I guess addiction is addiction". WRONG THING to say.....an older lady corrected me quoting from the Naranon 12 steps and then from the Alanon 12 steps and then stared at me through the rest of the meeting kind of smiling like the cat who ate the canary. It was very strange.
So my question is two fold:
1. Can a person wade through the steps sponsor-less? And is there a sponsor guidebook or something?
2. Is it ok to gain a sponsor in an Alanon group (my son's DOC is meth but he's also an alcoholic) or, as was so vehemently pointed out to me in the meeting, addiction and alcoholism are two very different things.
This whole sponsor thing has me quite buffaloed.
Any suggestions?
We talked about it in our last meeting (the sponsor deficit) and I asked if there were any short term solutions to the problem. Someone suggested going to Alanon and getting a sponsor there. I've been to Alanon meetings (although I didn't feel "connected" at those meetings). I guess I could try some others as there are many Alanon groups in and around the area.
I made a comment after it was suggested that I might be able to get a sponsor at Alanon something to the effect that "I guess addiction is addiction". WRONG THING to say.....an older lady corrected me quoting from the Naranon 12 steps and then from the Alanon 12 steps and then stared at me through the rest of the meeting kind of smiling like the cat who ate the canary. It was very strange.
So my question is two fold:
1. Can a person wade through the steps sponsor-less? And is there a sponsor guidebook or something?
2. Is it ok to gain a sponsor in an Alanon group (my son's DOC is meth but he's also an alcoholic) or, as was so vehemently pointed out to me in the meeting, addiction and alcoholism are two very different things.
This whole sponsor thing has me quite buffaloed.
Any suggestions?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,287
Hi Kindeyes,
First, good for you! Working the steps is such a strong, positive step in the right direction, for anyone IMHO, and they've helped me come to a healthier, more contented place in my life, so far.
I go to Al-Anon because there is no Naranon in my area at all. I've been going for about three years and have become fairly involved with service commitments and such. My RAH goes to NA. His original drug of choice when he was younger was meth but his most recent problem was pain meds. So, I understand where you're coming from.
Concerning your first question: I've never known anyone to work the steps alone. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen though. But, I have heard of online sponsoring.
There are books in Al-Anon that are about the steps, I'm not that familiar with them, but there is a step-working guide, at least for the fourth step, called Blueprint for Progress, I believe. I've heard good things about it. Also, there are step-working meetings. Personally, I've never had anyone tell me I didn't belong because my husband is an addict.
About your second question - I guess I kind of answered that already. I think it would be better to find a sponsor in Al-Anon than working the steps alone. I don't think that one-on-one guidance can be replaced. I bet by going to Al-Anon, you might even find others who have addict loved ones instead of alcoholic just like you. I'm not the only one in my group who doesn't have an alcoholic in their lives.
This is just my personal opinion: it's kind of sad that there are people who need help and they are discouraged because of whole debate of alcoholism vs addiction. I can see that it is, perhaps, a more pronounced difference when the person is the addict/alcoholic themselves, and the question is AA or NA, but I believe the problems we loved ones face are not much different whether the problem is alcohol or drugs.
Hope you find a sponsor. I'm kind of without one right now too as mine is having health problems and hasn't been able to meet with me for a while.
First, good for you! Working the steps is such a strong, positive step in the right direction, for anyone IMHO, and they've helped me come to a healthier, more contented place in my life, so far.
I go to Al-Anon because there is no Naranon in my area at all. I've been going for about three years and have become fairly involved with service commitments and such. My RAH goes to NA. His original drug of choice when he was younger was meth but his most recent problem was pain meds. So, I understand where you're coming from.
Concerning your first question: I've never known anyone to work the steps alone. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen though. But, I have heard of online sponsoring.
There are books in Al-Anon that are about the steps, I'm not that familiar with them, but there is a step-working guide, at least for the fourth step, called Blueprint for Progress, I believe. I've heard good things about it. Also, there are step-working meetings. Personally, I've never had anyone tell me I didn't belong because my husband is an addict.
About your second question - I guess I kind of answered that already. I think it would be better to find a sponsor in Al-Anon than working the steps alone. I don't think that one-on-one guidance can be replaced. I bet by going to Al-Anon, you might even find others who have addict loved ones instead of alcoholic just like you. I'm not the only one in my group who doesn't have an alcoholic in their lives.
This is just my personal opinion: it's kind of sad that there are people who need help and they are discouraged because of whole debate of alcoholism vs addiction. I can see that it is, perhaps, a more pronounced difference when the person is the addict/alcoholic themselves, and the question is AA or NA, but I believe the problems we loved ones face are not much different whether the problem is alcohol or drugs.
Hope you find a sponsor. I'm kind of without one right now too as mine is having health problems and hasn't been able to meet with me for a while.
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
I guess addiction is addiction". WRONG THING to say.....
WHAT!! addiction is addiction...no one should be correcting YOU, if you go to the meetings NA or AA they will say to you ADDICTION IS ADDICTION...NO ONE IS PERFECT...
take your time..it will all come together..this process is for a lifestyle change and for LIFE..thats what makes it awesome...
WHAT!! addiction is addiction...no one should be correcting YOU, if you go to the meetings NA or AA they will say to you ADDICTION IS ADDICTION...NO ONE IS PERFECT...
take your time..it will all come together..this process is for a lifestyle change and for LIFE..thats what makes it awesome...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: My Room
Posts: 138
Hmmm. . . sounds like that lady has some issues to work out. I don't know what she was talking about. Addiction IS addiction, and in my al-anon meetings, people are there for myriad reasons --- some have drug addict husbands, some have alcoholic sisters, others have dry drunk parents, still others are children of adult children of alcoholics whose parents never drank but passed on extreme dysfunction nonetheless. . .you can DEFINITELY get a sponsor through Al-Anon who will help. And if people give you the same attitude as that lady, just keep trying to find a meeting where you dont' get that! You will find it.
I think you should definitely work the steps with a sponsor, Kind Eyes. you are already doing so well, and I know a sponsor will provide you with the support and love you need.
I think you should definitely work the steps with a sponsor, Kind Eyes. you are already doing so well, and I know a sponsor will provide you with the support and love you need.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Thank you everyone. I may see if I can find an Alanon group that works for me and see if I can find a sponsor there. There is one lady in my Naranon Family Group who I feel a nice connection with. I may ask her about the Alanon group she attends and try that one.
gentle hugs
gentle hugs
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
@nightandday....we know that alot of people have issues...but to say that(ADDICTION IS ADDICTION comment), especially to a NEWBIE. to me, that is what keeps the NEWBIES away...a longtimer of that GROUP should have said something RITE THEN AND THERE....
gosh I wish i had a NAR anon group near me...nope all AL ANON...but I love my group! and I learn so much from the long timers there...(including my mom...)
gosh I wish i had a NAR anon group near me...nope all AL ANON...but I love my group! and I learn so much from the long timers there...(including my mom...)
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
It always bugs me when this comes up. I've been doing this a LONG time and it never fails that I will run across an Ala-Nazi or Nara-nazi who tell me I don't "qualify" for their program because my loved ones choice of substance doesn't line up with their strict qualifications.
In the beginning I was intimidated, frightened and confused. BUT my HP in his infinite wisdom led me to a terrific Al anon group. There were people from all walks of life, and the purpose was to support one another and help each other grow in recovery, regardless of the addiction or substance.
They saved my life. Pure and simple.
For some people, it's about control. And since they can't control their A or the situation in their own home, they cling to the "rules" and wording of the 12 steps of their particular program like a life preserver. They need things to be very black and white so that they can make sense in their crazy world. They are very strict in their meetings and very strict with their programs... often narrow minded. In my experience, those people have a much harder time embracing the wonderful freedom and changes that working a recovery program brings.
My sponsor and recovery friends taught me to say "hmmm, You may be right." and leave it at that. Nar Anon, Al Anon, CODA, etc. For me it just doesnt' matter. If I am getting benefit from the meetings, the members, the literature and the concepts, then it's good. If not, I look for another meeting.
Honestly, I have had the chance to go to some of those old meetings, and see some of those same people. some of them seem really stuck in the same place. It's sad, but it's also their choice.
Me? I choose healthy recovery. Every day, every time.
In the beginning I was intimidated, frightened and confused. BUT my HP in his infinite wisdom led me to a terrific Al anon group. There were people from all walks of life, and the purpose was to support one another and help each other grow in recovery, regardless of the addiction or substance.
They saved my life. Pure and simple.
For some people, it's about control. And since they can't control their A or the situation in their own home, they cling to the "rules" and wording of the 12 steps of their particular program like a life preserver. They need things to be very black and white so that they can make sense in their crazy world. They are very strict in their meetings and very strict with their programs... often narrow minded. In my experience, those people have a much harder time embracing the wonderful freedom and changes that working a recovery program brings.
My sponsor and recovery friends taught me to say "hmmm, You may be right." and leave it at that. Nar Anon, Al Anon, CODA, etc. For me it just doesnt' matter. If I am getting benefit from the meetings, the members, the literature and the concepts, then it's good. If not, I look for another meeting.
Honestly, I have had the chance to go to some of those old meetings, and see some of those same people. some of them seem really stuck in the same place. It's sad, but it's also their choice.
Me? I choose healthy recovery. Every day, every time.
Recovering Codependent
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 33
Originally Posted by itisatruth 
This is just my personal opinion: it's kind of sad that there are people who need help and they are discouraged because of whole debate of alcoholism vs addiction. I can see that it is, perhaps, a more pronounced difference when the person is the addict/alcoholic themselves, and the question is AA or NA, but I believe the problems we loved ones face are not much different whether the problem is alcohol or drugs.
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