This is so hard...any help out there?
 

Negative traits:

I get angry and threaten to divorce my husband--as a kid I would always say that if my mother treated me the way she did those she didn't like (cut them off; talked about them behind their backs)--I would leave...ultimately she was the one who cut me off as did sis

I apologize for every single action

I get jealous when I don't get what I consider to be enough attention

I am so afraid of being abandoned again...

I get stuck inside myself and overthink things

I sound harsh to others

I feel like a loser and a failure

have a read of the st Francis of Assisi prayer
just read it like a page of a book rather than a prayer and see what it makes you think about there is a link to it here, i dont belive in god or religeon but these words hit me hard as to how i should be trying to live my life rather than the other way around

Peace Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi :: Catholic News Agency


or try this from the bible about what it says love is

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage...nthians+13:4-8

read what love really is and see if you can honestly say you feel anything like that ?

for me i didnt and i was shocked to understand what my way of loving really was, i was so selfish it really did make me look at me and how nuts i really was when i came to understand what love really is

one saying used to really hurt me as i hated it was

when someone walks away from you to be with someone else then you should be happy for them that they can find happiness and not feel anger or hate or mean things towards them

just be happy for the time you have had with them and be grateful for it etc

now who in there right mind will be happy for an ex partner who has just left them for someone else ?

yet to be honest it really is the way to try to live as that is real love when you can let someone go to be with someone else or let them go to do there own thing and manage to put your own hurts on hold or dont show them

have a read of them links and see if you are like that in your living or if your the other way around ?
if your the other way around then how about just trying to change things a bit and try to do some good things when your head is telling you to do something bad ?

you will be amazed how good it will make you feel when we do start to try to live the other way around

good luck to you

i had to learn how to practice doing opposites in my life and it works so long as i put the effort in and work at it
there is also a good book called the language of letting go that can give you some deep insight into things

Thank you...I will read those (have read them and gone back again and again in the past)--and as I work on multi-levels...can see that working it again will help.

Appreciate the guidance and the help.

If you would like to PM, please do. :)

Thank you Hawks...I will PM.

Hello Iris!

Here is the workbook I used. It took me a few months to work through Step 4. I did initiate a sponsor relationship at this time to assist me in this part of my recovery. Some of my notes are here on Step 4 and you are welcome to read through them.

Good luck!

http://12step.org/docs/Step4_WS.pdf

Thank you Codejob...that is also helpful.