keepinon

I have started my 4th step..the person who has been acting as my sponsor has been in the program for 12 years and i love her BUT she hasn't done a 4th step..started asking people at meetings and someone gave me blueprint for progress..it's really long. Anybody do anything else? I've done the checklists and am answerring questions out of Paths to Recovery. Experience/advice welcome!

Ann

When I chose a sponsor I chose one who had worked the steps all the way through herself and who had good recovery under her belt. I really needed that because she helped me through some very difficult issues that I had to face in this step.

Step 4 is one of the most difficult steps and you may want to ask someone who has worked it to sponsor you for this step.

Or perhaps the method you have chosen will work for you.

If your first three steps are solid with you, you will know if Step 4 is helping you or hindering you and if the latter applies, I suggest asking someone to help you.

Hugs

keepinon

I've been asking another person who has been thru all the steps for advice, but so far it seems like answering the questions isn't too tough. i have been in alot of step meetings and we've gone over step 4(multiple times) so I feel pretty ok with it. It's just that people make it sound like you really need to do it WITH your sponsor and I'm not sure why. Some people sound like they just use the defects checklist and others do the whole blueprint deal. Just wondering what experiences people have had. It's not the trauma fest I expected but I think thats because I have basically already answered the questions in group...

CatsPajamas

When I read your question, my first reaction was "Make sure you've worked the first 3 steps. Really worked them!"

Here's my 4th Step story:

My first time thru, the first time I went to Al Anon, I just attended some meetings, listened to speakers, did some reading, didn't really have a sponsor. I read the steps and thought about them.

Step 1? Yep, knew my life was unmanageable. 'check'
Step 2? a power greater than myself? I believe in God, so 'check'
Step 3? Made a decision to turn my life over to god? I already did that back in church... 'check' and I swear I said "Gosh this is pretty easy!"

So I moved onto Step 4 without really working the first 3 steps and without a sponsor.

And I crashed HARD into that wall. I tried Blueprint for Progress, I tried making lists. and I just couldn't get it. The introspection and honesty required were more than I could do by myself. I wasn't ready to go into those deep dark places without the loving support of someone who could understand and guide me thru the process.

I left Al Anon and I didn't return for a few years. I convinced myself that my A was the one with the problem, not me, and I must be getting better because I had gone to meetings. I failed to see the power of the program, much like I failed to comprehend the power of the disease.

When my life spiraled out of control, when my pain became too great... at least I knew where to go. I crawled back into the loving arms of Al Anon. I got a sponsor, one with many years of recovery who had worked the steps herself, and I committed myself to working the steps honestly and diligently. We worked out of Paths to Recovery because the format worked for us.

They say you get out of it what you are willing to put into it. I was ready to do what it took to make profound changes in myself and in my life.

Other people have done it differently and it worked for them. This was how I had to do it.

keepinon

Thanx..I have worked 1st three steps witha sponsor. It's been a year in alanon this month. I feel ready. It gave me anxiety , but the past 4 mo. or so have been feeling ok about it cuz I have already been looking at myself pretty good and now its just actually DOING it!Did ATTitudes in the Blueprint today..got a ways to go...

Ann

Cats share is exact what I went through too. I felt pretty secure in my program, zipped through the first three steps because they seemed so "obvious", and then would hit a wall at Step 4.

A wise and kind Al-Anon friend with about 20 years recovery herself, suggested that until I had a very solid first three steps, Step 4 would be a hugs obstacle. She was right.

You sound pretty secure in your recovery and very well may be ready for this Step. Some find it emotionally draining. I found it a huge relief to get out so much "stuff" that I didn't even know I had buried until I worked this step.

Good luck, try what you think will work for you and if it does, great. If not, just try another way. In the end it's well worth the effort.

Hugs

keepinon

worked on it some more today..listen to a podcast about step 4 too on alanon wesite..pretty cool

CatsPajamas

I struggled with the Blueprint for Progress. For some reason the questions that came from Paths to Recovery -posted here in this step study- worked best for me. I worked better from that Q&A format.

Just another thing that I love about our program of recovery: there's more than one way to do things, and there's no time table.

Tuffgirl

I have worked through the Q&A you provided here, Cats, and found it amazingly cathartic. But I revisit it about once a week, to add more as I think about the questions and dig a little deeper each time. However, I too have been wondering if I am doing this right, or if there is a right way anyway! Because it feels good to get this all outside of my head, not bad or scary or painful. And no, I don't have a sponsor...I really haven't identified one particular person that seemed to me to have the qualities I'd like to have.

Neagrm

I found the feedback and reality check, the perspective and exploration needed, was only possible with other people, especially my experienced sponsor.

Blueprint is useful for working Step Four, but I found it hard to dig deeper with some of the seemingly superficial questions. It was great to go through Blueprint with a small-group step study. With the varied input, our self-assessment was quickly expanded and deepened by the wider perspective.

roxiestone

I'm still working Step 4. I'm working the questions from Pathways and then addition sections to my writing as things come up. I've input all the questions on my computer and I will either sit down and write as something specific comes up or just work on the next question.

I'm trying not to rush through this, nor am I trying to recreate every single day of my life - just get a general feel for the good stuff, figure out where the bad stuff came from and get it all out.

I'd love to hear some more experience from the FandF crowd who are working (or have worked) the steps.