CodeJob's Step 8
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CodeJob's Step 8
Checking in here, a bit reluctantly to be honest. Being a do-er, I'd rather rush along to Step 9 rather than pausing on Step 8. So that is exactly why Step 8 is here. To me it is a time to look back and review my Step 4 work. Evaluate if there are any remaining guilty pools I should plumb, and also take a careful look at how living the steps is changing my daily behaviors. I've changed my approach to life in general quite a bit over the past 19 months. This is just my initial impression. I really plan to rely on my sponsor for Step 8.
Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
My sponsor has already informed me that she does not think I should make an amends to my FOO. That made me feel 100 times more secure in starting this step. She feels that my biggest amends to prepare for is for me - not my RAH. So we shall see how things proceed.
Here is a link to my Step 7:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...s-god-box.html
Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
My sponsor has already informed me that she does not think I should make an amends to my FOO. That made me feel 100 times more secure in starting this step. She feels that my biggest amends to prepare for is for me - not my RAH. So we shall see how things proceed.
Here is a link to my Step 7:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...s-god-box.html
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Update: In some sense I feel like I did while working Step 3. I spent a lot of time thinking and mulling over my sense of my HP in Step 3. I spent a lot of my commute thinking about Step 3 - even turning off the radio and my mind would be so far away that I forgot the drive itself. I'd leave work, and next thing I know I'd be in my driveway.
I've been mulling over my list and the questions provided here for a while. I lie on the couch and my mind wanders over step 8, before I fall asleep and while driving I find a part of my brain tasked with step 8. I've been asking my HP for guidance in this step (and willingness).
I wrote up my list. It is not very long. There are a few college boyfriends that I don't think it is appropriate for me to hunt them up. One of them I recently wrote a poem about our relationship and expressed my feelings of guilt about how the relationship soured. Another one, the most important one to me, made contact with me via FB lsat year and I did proceed immediately to make an amends to him. It really helped me put that relationship to rest in my mind. Another one I am not in touch with, but I think he might be married and living abroad. These relationship are all over 20 years ended.
I am an introvert. I have very few girlfriends. I don't think I have hurt them. I have one friend who dumped me as a friend when I did not divorce my H. I was very patient with her as a friend. She used me as her emotional dumping ground for years. It was clear to me when she dumped me that emotionally she was incapable of being a true friend to me. I let her go as our friendship was always about her. I miss her on occasion, but I think letting her go was a mature and wise choice for me. I don't think I owe her an amends for dumping me as a friend for not following through with her attempts to control my life.
My RAH I owe an amends. I am willing.
My son I might owe an amends. I plan to discuss my feelings about it with my sponsor and heed her advice. I am really close to my son but I'm a bit concerned the things I feel I owe an amends may be a bit too mature of a discussion. I'm not sure.
My FOO. This primarily is my parents and my sister. None will get an actual amends. My sponsor has reiterated this to me several times now. A lot of blame and scapegoating has fallen on me in my family circle. The best thing I can do with these relationships is forgive myself and learn to express good boundaries in a kind way.
ME: I am definitely willing to forgive myself and kill off the negative chatter in my head. I hope and pray I succeed at this as I feel like my sweets addiction is related to this deep sense of unworthiness.
So that is where I am. I plan to review my list next time I see my sponsor.
I've been mulling over my list and the questions provided here for a while. I lie on the couch and my mind wanders over step 8, before I fall asleep and while driving I find a part of my brain tasked with step 8. I've been asking my HP for guidance in this step (and willingness).
I wrote up my list. It is not very long. There are a few college boyfriends that I don't think it is appropriate for me to hunt them up. One of them I recently wrote a poem about our relationship and expressed my feelings of guilt about how the relationship soured. Another one, the most important one to me, made contact with me via FB lsat year and I did proceed immediately to make an amends to him. It really helped me put that relationship to rest in my mind. Another one I am not in touch with, but I think he might be married and living abroad. These relationship are all over 20 years ended.
I am an introvert. I have very few girlfriends. I don't think I have hurt them. I have one friend who dumped me as a friend when I did not divorce my H. I was very patient with her as a friend. She used me as her emotional dumping ground for years. It was clear to me when she dumped me that emotionally she was incapable of being a true friend to me. I let her go as our friendship was always about her. I miss her on occasion, but I think letting her go was a mature and wise choice for me. I don't think I owe her an amends for dumping me as a friend for not following through with her attempts to control my life.
My RAH I owe an amends. I am willing.
My son I might owe an amends. I plan to discuss my feelings about it with my sponsor and heed her advice. I am really close to my son but I'm a bit concerned the things I feel I owe an amends may be a bit too mature of a discussion. I'm not sure.
My FOO. This primarily is my parents and my sister. None will get an actual amends. My sponsor has reiterated this to me several times now. A lot of blame and scapegoating has fallen on me in my family circle. The best thing I can do with these relationships is forgive myself and learn to express good boundaries in a kind way.
ME: I am definitely willing to forgive myself and kill off the negative chatter in my head. I hope and pray I succeed at this as I feel like my sweets addiction is related to this deep sense of unworthiness.
So that is where I am. I plan to review my list next time I see my sponsor.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Had several long calls with my sponsor. We have reviewed my amends list and she seems satisfied. I feel like I have not left anyone out.
I discussed an amends to my son with her today in depth. He is 13, but mature. I was concerned my amends would be too much like bringing him into issues and family dynamics as an adult. We talked quite a bit about whether it was worthwhile. I do have a great relationship with my son. My sponsor wasn't fully convinced what I was trying to express was something requiring a formal amends and suggested I pray about it. As I write this tonight I feel that her reticence and my gut feeling that it is too adult for his age is enough to place it on the scratch list. I have faith my HP will start this conversation when he is older.
I've been meditating and scraps of statements come into mind about making an amends to my RAH. It is definitely time for me to move on to Step 9.
I discussed an amends to my son with her today in depth. He is 13, but mature. I was concerned my amends would be too much like bringing him into issues and family dynamics as an adult. We talked quite a bit about whether it was worthwhile. I do have a great relationship with my son. My sponsor wasn't fully convinced what I was trying to express was something requiring a formal amends and suggested I pray about it. As I write this tonight I feel that her reticence and my gut feeling that it is too adult for his age is enough to place it on the scratch list. I have faith my HP will start this conversation when he is older.
I've been meditating and scraps of statements come into mind about making an amends to my RAH. It is definitely time for me to move on to Step 9.
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