Pathwaytofree

I apologize for not being more clear. No, I wasn't dividing things up. But in hindsight, I'm seeing that a lot of my "harms" weren't because of drinking, but because of underlying mental illness of depression and anxiety. And I'm just trying to process this all and I'm confused.

That is not at all what I am doing. I take responsibility for my actions now, as I did in Step 8/9. In fact, I overdid it in Steps 8/9 and my former sponsor said "stop trying to be a saint".

But I cannot talk about this without bringing up my underlying depression and anxiety, because those sorts of things I did were due to untreated clinical depression/anxiety and not untreated alcoholism. People with clinical depression/anxiety don't go around making amends if they weren't a star employee, or if they got agitated without meaning to, etc. Just saying. I did the best I could under the circumstances. I am extremely more self aware now, due to my step work. I am trying to learn how to manage things.

I've heard that about Europeans and it always makes me smile. I remember reading that a young man asked his father when they were in Italy if they should help the elderly woman who was sweeping the sidewalk, and it wasn't even her sidewalk. The man said to his son, "No, because it gives her a sense of purpose." :-)

fini

i figure that making amends for harms done is part of taking a spiritual approach to life, and as such folks with or without mental health challenges might well be making amends. or not.

the harms i did to myself, other than the plain physical ones, were really mostly about being dishonest and selfish, non-genuine, afraid, hiding, wonky perceptions, faking...allthe stuff that just came along with active alcoholism....and after cleaning up stuff from the past, promptly following the step 10 suggestions works out very well for me and others

but i am not in a place of depression or any condition requiring professional help, and i can see why this is much harder to tease apart for you and your sponsee.

but

Pathwaytofree

Good point. It's got a ripple effect, too. And that's true, everyone can make amends, 12 stepper or otherwise.

Agreed. It's nice to have that stuff cleared away and kept away.

For her, I try to help her take it to her Higher Power. And to gently say, "Maybe this is something you can discuss with your therapist." I know her therapist likes her to journal, in order to get her feelings out, and although that's sort of the antithesis of what we teach in the step work, I tell her to do what her therapist says. So maybe she'll instruct her to journal about amends and her truth will come to her that way. Personally, I never found journaling to be helpful, but this sponsee does.

Gottalife

Her therapist is treating her for past trauma, you are showing her the AA path to recovery from alcoholism which includes the recommendation to make use of medical professionals. Two very different things. Journalling may be no use as a recovery practice in terms of the AA approach, but it may be a useful part of the therapy.

You are on the right track I feel, in encouraging her to do what the therapist says. I would imagine it might get tricky however if the therapist decides to muddy the waters around her step work. Hope that doesn't happen.

Pathwaytofree

Mike,
Thank you! This was extremely helpful. I am trying to be respectful of her therapy, and not mix that into our recovery. The other day, I even said something like "That might be a good thing to bring up to your therapist". I'm trying to help her see what she should save for therapy, versus what she and I should be talking about. She's very respectful of and understands pretty well what that line is, although sometimes it does seems blurred in general, no?

I don't get an impression that the therapist is trying to control how she does her step work, but I've heard that happening, too. But I still respect therapists and assume they know best. They probably see where step work might be harming a patient's mental health in some way and have to step in to do things differently.

My sponsee rarely talks about therapy, though. I am really hoping in hindsight she will see that therapy and step work, although keeping them separate, work synergistically. That was sort of my experience anyway.

Thanks for your input on this topic.