Standing up for Principles How does everyone feel when they have to be firm and uncompromising about their principles to the point that it gets others off side? I used to shrug my shoulders and not give a toss about seeing the wrong thing but now I feel I need to speak up and take action. This has landed me in hot water. It's a struggle because on one hand I accept I have no control but on the other I can't stand by and watch others suffer because of mistreatment and poor management. Do I need to then make amends for trying to live by my principles rather than avoiding conflict and "live and let live", let the other side win despite the wrong? Not even sure whether to put this in step 4, 8, 10 or 12! Hope no ones confused. Today sucked majorly. |
Originally Posted by Johno1967
(Post 4057585)
How does everyone feel when they have to be firm and uncompromising about their principles to the point that it gets others off side? I used to shrug my shoulders and not give a toss about seeing the wrong thing but now I feel I need to speak up and take action. This has landed me in hot water. It's a struggle because on one hand I accept I have no control but on the other I can't stand by and watch others suffer because of mistreatment and poor management. Do I need to then make amends for trying to live by my principles rather than avoiding conflict and "live and let live", let the other side win despite the wrong? Not even sure whether to put this in step 4, 8, 10 or 12! Hope no ones confused. Today sucked majorly. Setting boundaries is a lifetime work in progress. I start my morning meditations by asking HP to guide and direct my thinking in these matters throughout the day. |
I think there is a difference between detachment & indifference and standing up for one's self & being in other's face. They can look the same on the surface, but it's what the motive behind them. Creating and sticking to boundaries was new to me in the program. I have had a lot of success with them. I am still learning and applying, which is all I can do. It's a lifelong thing, as UncleMeat said there. Bang on right. For me, it's about learning to accept the things I cannot change (let go / detach / accept), the courage to change the things I can (boundaries / move past fear / spiritual growth) and the wisdom to know the difference (pray / conscious contact). To me, there is no "win" in these things. You lose if these things disturb you, regardless of what "win" you get on the outside. Digging into your principles on your inventory will really open up to what gets you riled up and why. I had plenty of principles on my 4th. I am sure more will come over time. :) |
That was awesome paul99. Well said. |
Originally Posted by paul99
(Post 4058192)
I think there is a difference between detachment & indifference and standing up for one's self & being in other's face. They can look the same on the surface, but it's what the motive behind them. Creating and sticking to boundaries was new to me in the program. I have had a lot of success with them. I am still learning and applying, which is all I can do. It's a lifelong thing, as UncleMeat said there. Bang on right. For me, it's about learning to accept the things I cannot change (let go / detach / accept), the courage to change the things I can (boundaries / move past fear / spiritual growth) and the wisdom to know the difference (pray / conscious contact). To me, there is no "win" in these things. You lose if these things disturb you, regardless of what "win" you get on the outside. Digging into your principles on your inventory will really open up to what gets you riled up and why. I had plenty of principles on my 4th. I am sure more will come over time. :) When I discussed this one with my sponsor he asked me a question that hit me right between the eyes : If you are pissed off at your HP how in the world do you think you can have a relationship with Him ? And w/o a relationship with HP how can you ever turn your will and life over to His care ? That is why this alcoholic cannot afford the luxury of justifiable or unjustifiable anger. |
Hi Johnno I would new more details on what happened But if you're talking about standing up for AA principles there's way to do that with respect and not shaming others However even then we will sometimes be met with gross resistance - and we need to expect that Do it little by little until it starts sinking in and planting seeds Give people credit where it's due Be kind, don't react or take it personally Why do you think Jesus was so fought? He threatened people's egos Half the people will like it and half won't Do your job anyway |
paul hit something that my sponsor used to simplify it for me: check my motives. "How does everyone feel when they have to be firm and uncompromising about their principles to the point that it gets others off side?" me being firm on my principles doesn't get anyone off sides and I have no shame to standing up for my principles. they allow that to happen. the people about me say I live by good principles and one of the greatest things I have heard is they respect me for admittin when ive made a mistake. there are times when I can get off kilter, but that's what my friends and the fellowship help me with. they point it out and let me be the one to decide if something isn't right in me. if im openminded, I will say,"you could be right" and look at it. i can still occasionally fall into My Old Habits- the upside down and backwards view of How It Works. and nothing good comes out of that. pride and ego get in the away.i am back to fighting everyone and everything and if i don't do something about it, i will also be fighting alcohol. |
I agree will Paul99. Plus, on reflection, I didn't end up behaving the way I did in the past because I didn't have principles. I just didn't adhere to them myself. I spent lots of time being angry that others didn't as well, but was blind to my own weakness. So, it is, for me, when the serenity prayer is at it's most useful. |
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