Trust issue and Step Three
 

As of the 22nd of this month I will have 5 months sobriety.

I have been working the steps with my sponsor and right now I'm not at a complete stand still, more of a pause ... My sponsor has told me that "Steps take time. Do not rush through them and remember that God will meet you where YOU are not where you think you should be."

I'm at a place right now where I know what I need to do yet, the thought of completely turning my will over to my Higher Power, in whom I choose to call God, is a little unreal right now.

Growing up my trust was completely distroyed and I am VERY self dependent.

So the thought of just giving up my will to God ... It's a battle within me.

I know that when I was drinking, that was me without God ... Thinking that I had complete control over everything ... I drank to blackout hoping that would kill me because I didn't have the guts to try to do it myself.

Again, I know what I need to do ... there is doubt. "What if" I do step three, say the prayer ... yet I know in my heart that I'm still not trusting God as I should. Doing step three will be pointless and a waste of time. Right?

Or am I just thinking to much into this?

Step 3 gets us through step 4 and 5.

I didn't give up my will; I just am now under the care of a power greater than me. Enough to know I could continue on in those steps, which have changed my life.

I wish you well on your sober journey

What I did was take a good look at what kind of job I did running my own life while drinking. I was suicidal, broke, unemployed, living with my parents, and had completely isolated myself from the rest of the world. With my track record I figured it couldn't hurt to give God a shot at running things. Remember the step says "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him". I like the following analogy I heard from a speaker on step 3. He said there are 2 birds sitting on a branch. One bird decided to fly away. How many birds are on the branch now? The answer is 2. The bird decided to fly away, that doesn't mean he actually flew away yet. It was my experience that making a decision was all that was needed at this point.

I needed to remember that this decision was going to be to God as I understand him. It also helped to remember that I was deciding to turn my will and my life over to the care of God. That means He is going to take care of me if I let him. At the end of the 3rd step in the BB is the 3rd step declaration (prayer). I don't think I meant it at the beginning, but my sponsor told me to say it on my knees every day. I had to remember that my personal God is very understanding, forgiving, loving, and has a sense of humor :D. I think he knew that I was honestly trying to turn my will and life over to His care, and after saying that prayer for about a week I felt like I started to mean it, even if I took my will back from time to time (OK a lot).

I think that it is no accident that steps 2 and 3 are worded the way they are. I think the wording allows someone who is willing to be open minded about God to open the door just enough to allow God in. By the time I finished the steps I had been restored to sanity (step 2) and my will and my life was now in God's hands (step 3). Somewhere along the line it just happened (somewhere between 4 and 10). Try and remember that no one can work these steps perfectly. I found that by the time I finished the steps I was connected to God and I preferred to let God run my life. I still have to remind myself to ask God to show me what his will for me is every day. As I practice this more I seem to make the right decision more often (not every time), and because of that life is no longer a struggle.

Thanks Grungehead .... That helped a lot to put things in perspective.

HP could care a rats A what you think. He is only interested in
your actions. You can't think yourself into good actions, you
have to act yourself into good thinking.

Do the three parts of Step 3 and then "launch" into Step 4, ASAP.
Like Grunge said, your defense from booze is between Step 4 and Step 10.

Just a couple thoughts. Where in step 3 does it say that we turn our will over to God? When you decided to come to AA five months ago, to whom did you give your will to? I too, came to AA feeling a little left out where God was concerned but all I did was ask for help to stay sober and the help was there. I realized after a couple months that I hadn't even thought about drinking because my attention was on meetings and working the steps with my sponsor. Sometimes we can over-think things and confuse an otherwise very simple issue. In answering my first question I'd direct your attention to the wording in step 3. It says, "we turned our will and our life over to the CARE of God as we understand Him." Question: How many times have you flown in an airplane, ridden in a taxi or in a car when someone else was driving, ridden in a bus or train? Did it ever occur to you to check to see who the pilot is or even if there was a pilot up front? How about checking the taxi drivers credentials to see if he's qualified to drive? Why is it so hard to choose a Higher Power when drinking or not drinking is the difference between life and death? I just went on "blind faith" for a long time until I could be comfortable with the idea that God had been with me all along and was the reason I was brought to AA. Don't know about you but the day I went to my first meeting, I didn't wake up with that intention on my mind. Give credit where credit is due. You're not sober because of your will power! Prior to coming to AA, when it came to drinking I had no "will power". When it was time to drink, I drank. What's changed??:herewego

Doing step three will be pointless and a waste of time. Right?
I don`t think so,it is a start
we need a start somewhere

this is my opinion:
this is a step 2 issue.
must come to believe in a power greater than ourselves.

Righto Tom. Short version of first 3 steps:

Step 1 = I can't

Step 2 = He can

Step 3 = Let Him

According to 12&12 you only need "willingness": "A beginning, even the smallest, is all that is needed. Once we have placed the key of willingness in the lock and have the door ever so slightly open, we find that we can always open it some more." *

So IMO, doing Step three with even just a little "willingness" to trust should be fine. Many will tell you that you will see your HP start to work, and your trust and faith should grow.

*12&12 page 35