Mishmash of AA questions
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 453
Originally Posted by Ceedaily 
It was definitely premeditated, but I had hopes of talking myself out of it. I will be getting a sponsor ASAP. Right now I’m feeling too anxious to leave the house. Wish I had some phone numbers, but I don’t right now.
I'm so glad to hear you want to get a sponsor and do the steps. They really helped me get a different way of living.
On my last drunk, I finally admitted I was beat. I stopped relying on myself. I was open and willing to change and do whatever I was told. Not relying on myself, but helping others and doing what others told me to do was key. I did have a huge psychic change as a result of being willing to give recovery my all.
I wanted to send you some encouragement to not give up. And definitely speak up if you feel the need to drink. Sometimes that'll relieve the need in the short term. But long term, I think we do need a complete change of mindset.
Wishing you well.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
I started attending meeting in the U.S. full time this year. And what I have notice it's not unusual to hear from members who have "done the deal" yet been in and out of AA/sobriety for years. Or put 5-10 years together and gone back out.
They had/have a sponsor and have worked the 12 steps once if not numerous times and believe in God. (The term higher power is rarely used . It's God this and God that and 100% of the meetings end with the Lords Prayer. I'm good with this but it is a new experience . )
So, I ask myself why am I different? Why am I sober but there aren't?
1. I believe I had a spiritual awaking. That God lifted the obsession to drink after my first meeting. Why? I don't know. But the desire was gone before I ever heard of the book Alcoholics Anonymous or the term sponsor.
2. I have never forgotten what it was like. I can still see myself stumbling up the stairs to my new apartment and thinking if (or when...) I fall down those steep concrete steps I'm really going to hurt myself. (My thing was falling down stairs when in blackout mode.)
3. No matter how difficult life has gotten in sobriety or how my mind likes to spin things I can never fool myself that a drink will help.
and 4. I just don't want that monkey on my back anymore. Although it is hard to imagine this when one is drinking. Hard to imagine giving up alcohol for good. I just wanted to take the edge off. I didn't want to go overboard and get into trouble.
But alas after a good 15 years of solid drinking I could never get it together.
The only question was when I would blow it.
They had/have a sponsor and have worked the 12 steps once if not numerous times and believe in God. (The term higher power is rarely used . It's God this and God that and 100% of the meetings end with the Lords Prayer. I'm good with this but it is a new experience . )
So, I ask myself why am I different? Why am I sober but there aren't?
1. I believe I had a spiritual awaking. That God lifted the obsession to drink after my first meeting. Why? I don't know. But the desire was gone before I ever heard of the book Alcoholics Anonymous or the term sponsor.
2. I have never forgotten what it was like. I can still see myself stumbling up the stairs to my new apartment and thinking if (or when...) I fall down those steep concrete steps I'm really going to hurt myself. (My thing was falling down stairs when in blackout mode.)
3. No matter how difficult life has gotten in sobriety or how my mind likes to spin things I can never fool myself that a drink will help.
and 4. I just don't want that monkey on my back anymore. Although it is hard to imagine this when one is drinking. Hard to imagine giving up alcohol for good. I just wanted to take the edge off. I didn't want to go overboard and get into trouble.
But alas after a good 15 years of solid drinking I could never get it together.
The only question was when I would blow it.
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