How to stay sober in a Wedding ?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 386
How to stay sober in a Wedding ?
Hi,
I have to attend a wedding next weekend. The wedding is one of my close friend's and there will be many other friends. I plan to stay the whole day attending different events. Off-course there will be lots of alcohol. I am 66 days sober today. I want to stay sober I have mentioned this to my friend who is getting married but not other friends who are attending and even if they come to know not sure how they will react. Some might even force me to drink (well, when they are drunk!)...
I will stick to doing everything to stay sober. Any ideas or thoughts you can share would be awesome. I want to be prepared. Not going to the wedding is not an option
...
Appreciate your response....
I have to attend a wedding next weekend. The wedding is one of my close friend's and there will be many other friends. I plan to stay the whole day attending different events. Off-course there will be lots of alcohol. I am 66 days sober today. I want to stay sober I have mentioned this to my friend who is getting married but not other friends who are attending and even if they come to know not sure how they will react. Some might even force me to drink (well, when they are drunk!)...
I will stick to doing everything to stay sober. Any ideas or thoughts you can share would be awesome. I want to be prepared. Not going to the wedding is not an option
...Appreciate your response....
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,344
No one can force you to drink
Peer group pressure is for high school kids
Saying noi is not a slap in the face to your friends, No thanks but I'd love a sparkling water/juice/soft drink is a perfectly reasonable response. I don;t want to drink is also a perfectly reasonable response. You don't owe anyone explanations.
Try and focus on the reason you're there - your friends wedding - do the things you have to do to help.
Keep in mind other weddings or social events you've been to where things did not go well after you took the first drink.
Lastly - even tho you're involved in the organising - have an escape plan for if things get too hot.
I'd rather leave early than stay late getting drunk.
These links may be useful
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...val-guide.html (Social Occasion Survival Guide)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-recovery.html (101 Helpful Hints For Recovery)
you can do this
D
Peer group pressure is for high school kids
Saying noi is not a slap in the face to your friends, No thanks but I'd love a sparkling water/juice/soft drink is a perfectly reasonable response. I don;t want to drink is also a perfectly reasonable response. You don't owe anyone explanations.
Try and focus on the reason you're there - your friends wedding - do the things you have to do to help.
Keep in mind other weddings or social events you've been to where things did not go well after you took the first drink.
Lastly - even tho you're involved in the organising - have an escape plan for if things get too hot.
I'd rather leave early than stay late getting drunk.
These links may be useful
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...val-guide.html (Social Occasion Survival Guide)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-recovery.html (101 Helpful Hints For Recovery)
you can do this
D
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
There will be no alcohol at the ceremony. Since that's the actual "wedding" focus on that. Make an appearance at the reception if you feel you must. And then leave. Before the drunken shenanigans begin.
Protect your sobriety.
Protect your sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Not being a smartass,but it's really a simple 'one-step process' if you want to remain sober at this wedding; Don't drink. If that's too much currently...Do not go to the wedding and I'm sure the bride would understand and more than likely respect you more for,instead of you drinking because of her wedding.
If someone tried to "force me to drink" drunk or not.. that person and I would have a serious damn problem! Just sayin'.
Edit: Seriously..at a wedding EVERYONE is so caught up in the 'moment' and themselves no one will 'miss you' if you go and then leave early..no offense. However..drink and make an ass outta yourself..you'll be remembered. Trust me...I've been "that guy"!
If someone tried to "force me to drink" drunk or not.. that person and I would have a serious damn problem! Just sayin'.
Edit: Seriously..at a wedding EVERYONE is so caught up in the 'moment' and themselves no one will 'miss you' if you go and then leave early..no offense. However..drink and make an ass outta yourself..you'll be remembered. Trust me...I've been "that guy"!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
I know that I would have been miserable at a function involving alcohol at 66 days sober. If you must go, plan an escape if you are feeling triggered. Plan to leave early. And, remember you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you are not drinking.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
NO ONE can force you to drink, unless they hold you down and stick a funnel down your throat. if you don't drink, you won't drink. period.
if you are concerned this is a wiggly issue, then don't go. do you want to be the drunk idiot ruining the reception?
here's the deal....your friends will get married whether you are there or not. you are not the central theme. you are an invited guest. an invite that you can accept or decline. you are free to change your plans anytime.
if you are concerned this is a wiggly issue, then don't go. do you want to be the drunk idiot ruining the reception?
here's the deal....your friends will get married whether you are there or not. you are not the central theme. you are an invited guest. an invite that you can accept or decline. you are free to change your plans anytime.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 386
Awesome! thanks for all the ideas and responses....but if there are more please feel free to share.....
I will stay sober, if I feel triggered I will bow out. I don't want to relapse and go thru the hell again...
I will stay sober, if I feel triggered I will bow out. I don't want to relapse and go thru the hell again...
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
hi there,
your post has some ideas in it that are straight from the so-called AV(addictivevoice/addicted voice) and it's lying to you:
it is a lie that someone might force you to drink.
it is a lie that not going to the wedding is not an option.
you so totally have that option, though you may not like the consequences of that choice.
i like the option of goingto the ceremony, having your own transportation if things get iffy for you, walking around with a nice glass of juice or sparkly soda in your hand so your hand isn't empty, hanging with others who are not drinking....giving this occasion your best and present self.
your post has some ideas in it that are straight from the so-called AV(addictivevoice/addicted voice) and it's lying to you:
it is a lie that someone might force you to drink.
it is a lie that not going to the wedding is not an option.
you so totally have that option, though you may not like the consequences of that choice.
i like the option of goingto the ceremony, having your own transportation if things get iffy for you, walking around with a nice glass of juice or sparkly soda in your hand so your hand isn't empty, hanging with others who are not drinking....giving this occasion your best and present self.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 205
I've been to two weddings sober now. The situations were different (not close friends) and I had over 9 months sobriety going in. The thing that surprised me is absolutely no one asked me why I wasn't drinking at either wedding. I walked around with a glass of Sprite all the time. Left the receptions pretty early. Actually enjoyed the ceremonies and food for a change. You may find your concerns are for naught.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by DontRemember 
Not being a smartass,but it's really a simple 'one-step process' if you want to remain sober at this wedding; Don't drink. If that's too much currently...Do not go to the wedding and I'm sure the bride would understand and more than likely respect you more for,instead of you drinking because of her wedding.
If someone tried to "force me to drink" drunk or not.. that person and I would have a serious damn problem! Just sayin'.
Edit: Seriously..at a wedding EVERYONE is so caught up in the 'moment' and themselves no one will 'miss you' if you go and then leave early..no offense. However..drink and make an ass outta yourself..you'll be remembered. Trust me...I've been "that guy"!
If someone tried to "force me to drink" drunk or not.. that person and I would have a serious damn problem! Just sayin'.
Edit: Seriously..at a wedding EVERYONE is so caught up in the 'moment' and themselves no one will 'miss you' if you go and then leave early..no offense. However..drink and make an ass outta yourself..you'll be remembered. Trust me...I've been "that guy"!
NO was something I said for quite a long time in my early sobriety. What do I mean by that? I didn't take an out of town trip til 9 mo. I didn't go to my first party til 14 mo. I didn't go to my first WEDDING (out of town weekend, no less) til 17 MONTHS - one of a dear friend.
66 days is super early and I wouldn't have gone.
If you go - a plan like others mention is key.
No one can make you drink.
You decide before hand you will not - it really is just another day. I can promise you as a bride once before (I got married again, last Dec, as a recovered person) - I cared that people came but I absolutely did NOT connect with them all. The day was honestly about me.
Carry a water bottle, or get a club soda and lime at every part where there is alcohol - looks plenty like a vodka soda if you decide that's (still) important to you.
Leave when you get the teeniest - I mean it, very least bit- "squirrelly". You won't regret that nearly as much as you will drinking.
Let us know what you decide.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
One of the thing that you will notice if you do go is that there a plenty of people at weddings ( and most other social events ) that don't drink too. Our AV/addiction would have us believe that "everyone" will be drinking. Sure, a lot of people will be -but not everyone. Kids, responsible parents that have to drive home, or people that just prefer to not drink alcohol - there will be plenty of people not drinking, and not because they are alcoholics trying to stay sober.
It's also your addiction making you think that they will somehow "notice" that you are not drinking. Not only do the vast majority of people not even notice, they really don't even care or think about it. Our alcoholic minds obsess over that fact, but in reality it's a non-issue with most everyone else. Sure you might have "drinking" friends that will try and get people to drink a toast or do a shot, but you are the one that makes the decision to drink or not. No one can "force" you to drink in the social sense.
And the suggestion to just attend the ceremony is a very valid one if you don't feel up to the rest of it. That's what a wedding is about - the commitment your friends make to each other.
It's also your addiction making you think that they will somehow "notice" that you are not drinking. Not only do the vast majority of people not even notice, they really don't even care or think about it. Our alcoholic minds obsess over that fact, but in reality it's a non-issue with most everyone else. Sure you might have "drinking" friends that will try and get people to drink a toast or do a shot, but you are the one that makes the decision to drink or not. No one can "force" you to drink in the social sense.
And the suggestion to just attend the ceremony is a very valid one if you don't feel up to the rest of it. That's what a wedding is about - the commitment your friends make to each other.
Last edited by ScottFromWI; 07-14-2018 at 06:35 AM.
Friendly Folk
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Powers Lake, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,697
Don't focus so much on the drinking. Go enjoy what the wedding is all about. Smile and laugh. Hold some light conversations. Have a sparkling non-alcoholic drink for toasting. Dance a few dances. Eat a good meal. If you feel to much tension just wish them a happy life and go home.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
Originally Posted by iwilltryagain
Not going to the wedding is not an option ...
...I agree with doggonecarl. If you feel you "have" to attend, make it the wedding only, and head out after that.
The reception is just boozetown, and no one will remember you, or anyone if you don't attend.
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
Escape plan crucial!
I don't think I would have gone at less than 90 days, but I get why you feel you need to go, especially if it's a close friend.
The suggestions above are all good ones. If you are sitting through dinner, make sure you have something to toast with. If not, it's not a crime to toast with water. Nobody will notice if you put it in your wine glass.
If it were me I wouldn't make it a big deal to everyone attending. Your friend that's getting married knows, but it's their day, everyone is there to have a good time and doesn't need to be dealing with your sobriety. YOU can do that!
Will you be there with anyone else that can help you? Date, friends, etc.?
I don't think I would have gone at less than 90 days, but I get why you feel you need to go, especially if it's a close friend.
The suggestions above are all good ones. If you are sitting through dinner, make sure you have something to toast with. If not, it's not a crime to toast with water. Nobody will notice if you put it in your wine glass.
If it were me I wouldn't make it a big deal to everyone attending. Your friend that's getting married knows, but it's their day, everyone is there to have a good time and doesn't need to be dealing with your sobriety. YOU can do that!
Will you be there with anyone else that can help you? Date, friends, etc.?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 157
I don’t mean this to sound patronising but just don’t drink. I know that sounds to easy but I will explain. I’m 4 weeks in and all week have been working myself up about an event that I had to go to. I have been reading and posting on here but at the back of my mind I had this little niggle.
Anyway went to the event, brought some soft drinks, friend offered me a beer and I said no not tonight. Same thing later someone else offered said no. That was it, no one was bothered that I wasn’t drinking. Once I was there I had no desire or craving. It was worse thinking about it all week.
Left having had a good night and sober and with none of the anxiety I have had all week.
Read some old posts before you go or write down the reasons you quit and all the bad experiences you have had.
Be strong and once your there you will be fine, get on here if your really tempted.
Anyway went to the event, brought some soft drinks, friend offered me a beer and I said no not tonight. Same thing later someone else offered said no. That was it, no one was bothered that I wasn’t drinking. Once I was there I had no desire or craving. It was worse thinking about it all week.
Left having had a good night and sober and with none of the anxiety I have had all week.
Read some old posts before you go or write down the reasons you quit and all the bad experiences you have had.
Be strong and once your there you will be fine, get on here if your really tempted.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
Hey Iwilltryagain, thank you for this thread. I have a wedding in October and will be 90 days sober. I'm sure you can do it. You will feel great about yourself having done it sober too. I have a room booked and plan to sneak off when I need to. I also plan to dance, I really enjoy that and can do it sober. It's one day....it can be done. Best wishes to you. Gabe x
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
Yes! Dance as if nobody is watching!
Sober music festivals are more fun because I dance more!
I find that pretty much everything is more fun sober.
Use whatever you need to to not drink. Negative tapes are good. However, DON'T ignore the positives of being completely clear headed at a joyful celebration. I found in my own sobriety that the stick was essential at first, but the carrot really kept me there as I had more sober experience.
Sober music festivals are more fun because I dance more!
I find that pretty much everything is more fun sober.
Use whatever you need to to not drink. Negative tapes are good. However, DON'T ignore the positives of being completely clear headed at a joyful celebration. I found in my own sobriety that the stick was essential at first, but the carrot really kept me there as I had more sober experience.
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