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Question about knowing when a person is ready to be a speaker at a meeting.



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Question about knowing when a person is ready to be a speaker at a meeting.

Old 01-11-2018, 03:03 PM
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Question about knowing when a person is ready to be a speaker at a meeting.

I have a person who keeps asking for me to set them up as a speaker at meetings in my state, in which they do not live in. But they are somewhat new to recovery about ten months. Also I do not know how far they are in their step work. I know being a speaker at a meeting is 12th step work. I feel uncomfortable with this and don't know what to say to them. I have always thought a speaker at meeting are usally ask to speak or suggested by thier sponser. Not volunteer theirself, or at least not when they are early in recovery. Also with them being out of state don't know how reliable they would be about showing up. I just really feel uncomfortable and I don't want to offend them or discourage them with their recovery. What should I do or tell them?
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Old 01-11-2018, 04:03 PM
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Well, in my al-anon group, I would have been thrilled if someone volunteered to speak.
But Al-Anon and AA are different. In my AA meeting, I believe there were some loose guidelines about when someone should be a speaker, like x amount of days sober.
I don’t know if where the potential speaker is in step work is or should be a factor.
Does your meeting have a monthly business or group conscience meeting?
Perhaps the members there could help.
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Old 01-11-2018, 04:05 PM
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Can’t speak to Nar-Anon, as I don’t have experience in that realm.
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Old 01-22-2018, 07:30 PM
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A bit of AA experience if its any help.

I think you are spot on with the first tradition. The guiding factor has to be the common welfare, so you are right to be a bit cautious.

Where someone is in their step work is also an important factor. 5th tradition I guess, what would someone talk about who hasn't done the steps. How will they help the group to carry its message to the person who still suffers if they have no experience of the message?

I come for a town where we took political correctness and non-judgmentalism to extremes. Call it apathy in disguise. We would never presume to judge whether a person was suitable for a speaking engagement, and it was taken as a given that all people in the fellowship, regardless of time, step work, or anything else, are equally capable of speaking and have a right to do so if they wish.

The result? AA is banned from all rehabs and detox's unless the institution itself selects a speaker. We sure failed at Trad 5. I really began to see what that actually costs when I went to other centres where we have pretty free access to other A&D services.

Well done on your responsible attitude.
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Old 01-22-2018, 08:34 PM
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That would be a flag for me. I suppose there are some folks who are eager to serve by telling their story and do a great job, but pestering someone to invite you to speak seems odd. It seems contrary to the principles of humility and "attraction rather than promotion." I wouldn't invite the person without some idea of their capability either by hearing them speak directly or through feedback from someone who has heard their story.
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Old 01-23-2018, 07:15 AM
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I can identify with your concern.

One of my character defects in early recovery I didn't know how to say no. Instead, I would carry someone else's issue on my shoulders and catch a resentment behind it. Today, working my program, I learned how to say no in a loving way.

TB
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Old 01-23-2018, 07:37 AM
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welcome, soberity!
What should I do or tell them?
ya know, theres times when i get a gut instinct its typically my HP speaking to me.
however, i have heard speakers with less than a year,but have completed the steps, and have been very inspired by them.
however(again) they have been approached and asked to speak.

i think it would probably be best to leave it at something like,"thank you for the offer and i appreciate your enthusiasm."
then ask questions about their recovery.
then end it with,"i will contact you if we need a speaker."

although i couldnt say id leave it at that. i could see me adding,"why? whats your motive?"
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