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I'm back and hoping it's different this time

Old 11-22-2017, 06:14 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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I just had my cravings triggered by a video game I'm playing (Stardew Valley anyone?) because my character got drunk with another character and my brain started whispering at me about how I'll never have fun in a pub again and how I can't have been that bad if my liver tests came back fine, etc etc.

I know it's ******** and that it's just my AV but ugh, it was unpleasant. I think perhaps I'm more susceptible atm because I haven't been sleeping well and my tooth is killing me. I wasn't tempted to do anything about it but if it wasn't for the baby perhaps it would have been harder. Good thing I'm starting these therapy sessions soon.
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Old 11-23-2017, 03:04 AM
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No sleep. Tooth hurts. Feel sick. Heartburn is awful. Talking to myself. Have to go work for free.

At least I'm not hungover.
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Old 11-23-2017, 06:54 AM
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Hang in there. Don't drink under any circumstances. You'll get thru this.
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Old 11-23-2017, 12:34 PM
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I won't Wayne though on days like these it's difficult.

I deactivated my fb because it's pointless my being on there. I could post that I have a terminal illness and no one would even ask how I am. Others post about having a cold and get an outpouring of love.

I'm not sure why I'm not worthy of love but it does seem to be a recurring theme throughout my life. Makes it hard to want to bother extending my life through sobriety, though I have the baby to think of. That'll keep me sober now.
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Old 11-24-2017, 01:12 AM
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Goth - self love was one of the pillars that saw me three years sober. We have to be our own advocates, and loving ourselves is the constant undercurrent to that, always. Getting sober for oneself is part of that, too.
You are worthy of love and the sympathies expressed to others on Fbook are half-hearted - not real love, and certainly not the depth and quality that you deserve.
I think it should always been congratulated when you peg that AV awakening and try to wreak havoc, so well done there.
Commit. No matter the temptation outsmart it. Now and after baby comes. Whether in your belly or finally out in the world, they will never stop needing.
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Old 11-25-2017, 05:31 PM
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Thanks forest. Just feeling really depressed and alone atm. I'm not sure if it's just pregnancy stuff or if it is my depression coming back (I had to go off my meds for the baby) but I feel terribly sad. Everything feels pointless and stupid. I don't like this feeling. It makes me crave alcohol and I do not want to give in.
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Old 11-28-2017, 06:52 PM
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Nasty wisdom tooth is gone! Still got the other one to go but that has to be done under GA so after baby arrives.

In a fair amount of pain but I'm glad it's over and done with.
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