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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by dandylion 
Clover....I agree. That is why, on this forum, we encourage, so strongly to get involved with a support system.....
Alanon, domestic violence centers...who offer many types of support that people are unaware of, a personal counselor, understanding family, friends, co-workers (if there are any), lawyer, social services of the county, church, and.....encouraging them to keep posting and keep reading, here on the forum...
As well as educational books and articles from our extensive library.....
Support...support...support....
Those who will reach for support...even if they don't already have much, tend to do the best.....
Alanon, domestic violence centers...who offer many types of support that people are unaware of, a personal counselor, understanding family, friends, co-workers (if there are any), lawyer, social services of the county, church, and.....encouraging them to keep posting and keep reading, here on the forum...
As well as educational books and articles from our extensive library.....
Support...support...support....
Those who will reach for support...even if they don't already have much, tend to do the best.....
I have one friend that I called today who lives out of town. One friend I trust right now. My trust is so broken down. And do you know how hard it is to put on a friendly face and smile and act like everything is fine? :-(
If and when people find out about him and us they will be shocked. I also don't want to be everyone's water cooler talk. I know it's probably inevitable but I welcome the ignorance from others right now, the banal discussions of other things.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 497
Originally Posted by dandylion
Clover....I agree. That is why, on this forum, we encourage, so strongly to get involved with a support system.....
Alanon, domestic violence centers...who offer many types of support that people are unaware of, a personal counselor, understanding family, friends, co-workers (if there are any), lawyer, social services of the county, church, and.....encouraging them to keep posting and keep reading, here on the forum...
As well as educational books and articles from our extensive library.....
Support...support...support....
Those who will reach for support...even if they don't already have much, tend to do the best.....
Alanon, domestic violence centers...who offer many types of support that people are unaware of, a personal counselor, understanding family, friends, co-workers (if there are any), lawyer, social services of the county, church, and.....encouraging them to keep posting and keep reading, here on the forum...
As well as educational books and articles from our extensive library.....
Support...support...support....
Those who will reach for support...even if they don't already have much, tend to do the best.....
I understand that, but without physical support nearby ie family, good friends it presents further challenges and really makes it much more difficult to wrap your head around, and especially when children are young.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Clover.....I am on your side!
I would never say that having young children is not a challenge. I know how difficult it can be if one does not have ready help....I had to crawl my way through many of those kinds of challenges....
If I seem like I am saying that it is easy, then, I am not communicating very well...lol....
I had 3 small ones under 6yrs, with one still in diapers when I got divorced...with one still in diapers, and I worked full time. My family was almost 600 miles away.....
Many people who come to the forum have become very isolated, for one reason or another. For many, changing their situation begins with one or two of the tiniest baby steps....
For some, the first time they make a real human connection is at their first alanon meeting....
Yes, I think you are right, it can be difficult to wrap one's head around...especially, at first.....
I would never say that having young children is not a challenge. I know how difficult it can be if one does not have ready help....I had to crawl my way through many of those kinds of challenges....
If I seem like I am saying that it is easy, then, I am not communicating very well...lol....
I had 3 small ones under 6yrs, with one still in diapers when I got divorced...with one still in diapers, and I worked full time. My family was almost 600 miles away.....
Many people who come to the forum have become very isolated, for one reason or another. For many, changing their situation begins with one or two of the tiniest baby steps....
For some, the first time they make a real human connection is at their first alanon meeting....
Yes, I think you are right, it can be difficult to wrap one's head around...especially, at first.....
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Clover.....LOL.LOL.LOL.....I noted that you are "type A".....
I am sooo type B....actually, B-- (minus).......
So you can imagine the challenges that I have seen........!!
In other unrelated news....my (adult) daughter recently got a rescue dog....and was debating on what to call it.....I suggested that she call the girl dog "Clover"...which she did! She says that everyone says how much they looove that name for her dog......
I am sooo type B....actually, B-- (minus).......
So you can imagine the challenges that I have seen........!!
In other unrelated news....my (adult) daughter recently got a rescue dog....and was debating on what to call it.....I suggested that she call the girl dog "Clover"...which she did! She says that everyone says how much they looove that name for her dog......
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Jg,
Hon, this is not a race, it is a marathon. You need to move forward slowly, as with alanon, they tell you not to make any drastic decisions for 6 months. Work on your self, seek support through alanon or open aa meetings. Hit an addiction therapist and find out what you really want to do. Obviously his addiction is progressing and things are getting worse, as they always do.
Start setting some money aside. You can try and split accounts that have both your names on it. This is just starting to take your power back, it doesn't mean you have to file divorce papers tomorrow. Your husband knows he's in big trouble and is going to say everything you want to hear, he will be a better daddy, he's found God and wants to go to church, he will be helping you more around the house. These bones he will be throwing you will only be temporary just like the five weeks of his last sobriety. Stop worrying about his drinking and start worrying about you and your kids future. Stick around here, there is a lot of experience on these forums. Hugs!!
Hon, this is not a race, it is a marathon. You need to move forward slowly, as with alanon, they tell you not to make any drastic decisions for 6 months. Work on your self, seek support through alanon or open aa meetings. Hit an addiction therapist and find out what you really want to do. Obviously his addiction is progressing and things are getting worse, as they always do.
Start setting some money aside. You can try and split accounts that have both your names on it. This is just starting to take your power back, it doesn't mean you have to file divorce papers tomorrow. Your husband knows he's in big trouble and is going to say everything you want to hear, he will be a better daddy, he's found God and wants to go to church, he will be helping you more around the house. These bones he will be throwing you will only be temporary just like the five weeks of his last sobriety. Stop worrying about his drinking and start worrying about you and your kids future. Stick around here, there is a lot of experience on these forums. Hugs!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 284
Maia is absolutely correct. Nothing in this process goes fast so take your time, collect your thoughts, write out your boundary list, create contingency plans, and remember to focus on your own well being and your children's well being AHEAD of his.
Time will tell you what to do and when to do it. Nothing has to be done today or tomorrow except you gathering your thoughts...deep breaths.
When I filed for divorce, I thought I could get it done quick and that is not my reality. If you stay, things won't magically get better tomorrow either. Get yourself strong so that you can do what you need to do, whatever that is, when the right time comes.
Time will tell you what to do and when to do it. Nothing has to be done today or tomorrow except you gathering your thoughts...deep breaths.
When I filed for divorce, I thought I could get it done quick and that is not my reality. If you stay, things won't magically get better tomorrow either. Get yourself strong so that you can do what you need to do, whatever that is, when the right time comes.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I will offer this to you. One of my own boundaries was that I was not going to cover up for my XAH anymore. If he did not come to a function or family even b/c he was sitting home drinking, I told those there just that. I had covered up for him for YEARS isolating myself so badly. I decided I would not lie, and I would not cover up his bad behavior.
Well, you can imagine that he did not like that much. What I will also say is that it forced him to address his addiction to certain people who ended up being a support system for him. It also gained me a much needed support system and relief for just being able to put it out there.
As anything on here, take what helps and leave the rest. This is YOUR life, and you have to make the decisions based on what is the best for you and your family.
Well, you can imagine that he did not like that much. What I will also say is that it forced him to address his addiction to certain people who ended up being a support system for him. It also gained me a much needed support system and relief for just being able to put it out there.
As anything on here, take what helps and leave the rest. This is YOUR life, and you have to make the decisions based on what is the best for you and your family.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by hopeful4
I will offer this to you. One of my own boundaries was that I was not going to cover up for my XAH anymore. If he did not come to a function or family even b/c he was sitting home drinking, I told those there just that. I had covered up for him for YEARS isolating myself so badly. I decided I would not lie, and I would not cover up his bad behavior.
Well, you can imagine that he did not like that much. What I will also say is that it forced him to address his addiction to certain people who ended up being a support system for him. It also gained me a much needed support system and relief for just being able to put it out there.
As anything on here, take what helps and leave the rest. This is YOUR life, and you have to make the decisions based on what is the best for you and your family.
Well, you can imagine that he did not like that much. What I will also say is that it forced him to address his addiction to certain people who ended up being a support system for him. It also gained me a much needed support system and relief for just being able to put it out there.
As anything on here, take what helps and leave the rest. This is YOUR life, and you have to make the decisions based on what is the best for you and your family.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 497
Originally Posted by dandylion
Clover.....LOL.LOL.LOL.....I noted that you are "type A".....
I am sooo type B....actually, B-- (minus).......
So you can imagine the challenges that I have seen........!!
In other unrelated news....my (adult) daughter recently got a rescue dog....and was debating on what to call it.....I suggested that she call the girl dog "Clover"...which she did! She says that everyone says how much they looove that name for her dog......
I am sooo type B....actually, B-- (minus).......
So you can imagine the challenges that I have seen........!!
In other unrelated news....my (adult) daughter recently got a rescue dog....and was debating on what to call it.....I suggested that she call the girl dog "Clover"...which she did! She says that everyone says how much they looove that name for her dog......
That's funny
I never really thought about whether or not I'm a type A. If you would see how I'm handling things right now, you wouldn't see me as that way at all. Lol. And perhaps I don't give myself enough credit - perhaps I'm doing pretty darn good considering. I've had friends and family tell me that. I am pretty hard on myself. Perhaps I need to work on that
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