Maybe God Is Answering Me?
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Thank you for all your responses, it means a lot. Anvil - you knocked it out of the park again, as usual. Yes, my prayers are focused on what I believe/think/feel should happen, and in the order I want them to happen, etc., etc. I think this comes from the fact of living with an A so long that I feel I have to be/do everything - and it's exhausting.
A few others mentioned how I've pretty much had the same story for the last 5 years - and you're right. It's also correct that why should she change her MO when I continue to put up with the same crap, day after day, week after week, year after year? If my feelings/concerns meant anything and had merit, she would either change, or leave.
She talks about being miserable and wanting out, but why doesn't she go?? Because she knows she's got it good right where she is! Because I allow the behaviour without consequence.
There is a note hanging in my office here at work, that I 'see' often, but it really made more sense to me after reading the responses. I got it off this site years ago, and I don't know who wrote it, but it is basically saying I should do the opposite of what I'm doing! Here goes:
"It should not be so hard for us to accept the obvious fact that few of us know what we really want, and none of us knows what is best for us. That knowledge remains in the hands of God. This is the best reason for limiting our prayers to requests for guidance, for an open mind to receive it, and for courage and confidence to use it."
I'm rather dense more often than not, and I'm usually not good at taking subtle hints. Maybe God has been throwing me all these softballs at me now for a while, and yet I'm waiting for that absolute, "YOU NEED TO DO THIS, COD!" that I've been waiting for.
I do need to spend more time on this forum reading, it does help me tremendously.
Thanks for reading!!
COD
A few others mentioned how I've pretty much had the same story for the last 5 years - and you're right. It's also correct that why should she change her MO when I continue to put up with the same crap, day after day, week after week, year after year? If my feelings/concerns meant anything and had merit, she would either change, or leave.
She talks about being miserable and wanting out, but why doesn't she go?? Because she knows she's got it good right where she is! Because I allow the behaviour without consequence.
There is a note hanging in my office here at work, that I 'see' often, but it really made more sense to me after reading the responses. I got it off this site years ago, and I don't know who wrote it, but it is basically saying I should do the opposite of what I'm doing! Here goes:
"It should not be so hard for us to accept the obvious fact that few of us know what we really want, and none of us knows what is best for us. That knowledge remains in the hands of God. This is the best reason for limiting our prayers to requests for guidance, for an open mind to receive it, and for courage and confidence to use it."
I'm rather dense more often than not, and I'm usually not good at taking subtle hints. Maybe God has been throwing me all these softballs at me now for a while, and yet I'm waiting for that absolute, "YOU NEED TO DO THIS, COD!" that I've been waiting for.
I do need to spend more time on this forum reading, it does help me tremendously.
Thanks for reading!!
COD
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Location: USA
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I will share what is on my desk at work that a loved on sent me when I was contemplating pulling the plug on my marriage:
To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did! When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. Concentrate on this sentence....."The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."
Powerful Stuff.
To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did! When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. Concentrate on this sentence....."The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."
Powerful Stuff.
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Location: Florida
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You can do this COD - remember that it's not about seeing the full path clearly right now, it's just about your next steps. This is interesting:
... sounds like you're still trying to control the entire situation. But I'll bet you had considered yourself fairly detached & somewhat removed? In reality you had just loosened your grip on the timeline of your control, perhaps? (just food for thought)
Something that occurred to me after reading your thread last week was how this:
is literally DS's "normal" childhood. It's been happening his entire life no matter how well you've ever managed to throw yourself in front of it like a shield. She has a "right" to do this to herself & that's the hardest part to accept about active addiction, for me at least. But it's crazy to think of it from the perspective that she's been passing out on the toilet almost his entire life.
This one is new to me but going in my Favorites Folder. 
Stick around COD - keep posting!!
Yes, my prayers are focused on what I believe/think/feel should happen, and in the order I want them to happen, etc., etc.
Something that occurred to me after reading your thread last week was how this:
Since then there have been nightly passing out, slumped over the kitchen island, and passed out on the toilet.
....."The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."
Stick around COD - keep posting!!
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Originally Posted by FireSprite 
... sounds like you're still trying to control the entire situation. But I'll bet you had considered yourself fairly detached & somewhat removed? In reality you had just loosened your grip on the timeline of your control, perhaps? (just food for thought)
Something that occurred to me after reading your thread last week was how this:
is literally DS's "normal" childhood. It's been happening his entire life no matter how well you've ever managed to throw yourself in front of it like a shield. She has a "right" to do this to herself & that's the hardest part to accept about active addiction, for me at least. But it's crazy to think of it from the perspective that she's been passing out on the toilet almost his entire life.
Something that occurred to me after reading your thread last week was how this:
is literally DS's "normal" childhood. It's been happening his entire life no matter how well you've ever managed to throw yourself in front of it like a shield. She has a "right" to do this to herself & that's the hardest part to accept about active addiction, for me at least. But it's crazy to think of it from the perspective that she's been passing out on the toilet almost his entire life.
It's tiring.
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Originally Posted by Mango blast
Is there anything we can do, as a support forum, for you today?
Mango
im not sure if you have seen his threads or not, but hes deen getting tremendous amounts of support from this forum in the 4 months since he started this thread.
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Originally Posted by Ladybird579
This forum seems full of bumped threads lately. It's getting confusing.
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Originally Posted by Carol Star
Please document (video) and protect that child.
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
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COD, I prayed for a sign from God too. I prayed that something would change and my life would get better. Well there was a sign all right. Something did change. Mr. Okatz became so scary that I had to get away. So I did. That was my "sign". I guess God thought I needed a kick up the ass. I learned a lot from my experiences.
You and your son deserve so much better. You're going to be a great single Dad. You already are a single Dad. AW does no parenting. She can't.
You and your son deserve so much better. You're going to be a great single Dad. You already are a single Dad. AW does no parenting. She can't.
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Originally Posted by CentralOhioDad
Which in turn is pushing new and timely posts way down the list, most likely making new posts harder to gain traction and get the necessary support they need. If I was a newcomer at this point, it would be frustrating I'm sure.
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Alcoholism won. You are admitting that alcoholism won. That is okay to admit that. It is like admitting that cancer won. It is crazier to admit that it truly ended a marriage. I did have support from DivorceCare at a local church and divorced mom support groups on Facebook.
At the end of the day, I owed it to my kids to be 100% sure that I was ready to end the relationship with their father and that I had done everything that I could do in order to save the marriage. I had to play my cards well like I was on a game of Survivor.
Divorce is another game. The best advice that I can give you is that your child is 50% of both of you and when you are talking to your son and going through the divorce to keep that in mind.
With a kid, there are only so many times that you can close the door and hope that that child does not see their parent passed out.
It took a 2nd DUI with my husband being on house arrest (instead of jail) and ignition interlock as well as support from AA and his family not drinking around him before he ended his drinking ways that started back in college. That was a good twenty years of drinking (believe me, that it God intervening and answering prayer in the craziest way).
How is your child doing? Does he ask about his mother?
At the end of the day, I owed it to my kids to be 100% sure that I was ready to end the relationship with their father and that I had done everything that I could do in order to save the marriage. I had to play my cards well like I was on a game of Survivor.
Divorce is another game. The best advice that I can give you is that your child is 50% of both of you and when you are talking to your son and going through the divorce to keep that in mind.
With a kid, there are only so many times that you can close the door and hope that that child does not see their parent passed out.
It took a 2nd DUI with my husband being on house arrest (instead of jail) and ignition interlock as well as support from AA and his family not drinking around him before he ended his drinking ways that started back in college. That was a good twenty years of drinking (believe me, that it God intervening and answering prayer in the craziest way).
How is your child doing? Does he ask about his mother?
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Originally Posted by PrettyViolets
How is your child doing? Does he ask about his mother?
He has no idea at this point we will be getting divorced
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